Screaming for Jesus...

So...I'm in a band with some buds...We call ourselves Untitled Revelation...It's fun so far...We just started together a month or so ago...At school (Spring Arbor University) we have this chapel service every semester called Talents for Christ and anyone can sign up to play and show the school their talent God has given them or whatever...So I signed our band up for it and we were told that we could do it a few days later and such...Our band hasn't played a "real" show yet, except for at an open mic night where we only played one song, the same song we played here at chapel...Needless to say, I was a little freaked out, before we went on...Not because of the large crowd we played for...Because of all the types of people we were playing for...There just happen to be a large group of seniors from high school and parents visiting, and I knew that this would show what the school is about a little...And there are people at school who really don't like this type of music, which is normal...If you are wondering why this seems like a big deal, just listen to us in this video...Needless to say, I had a blast and went nuts...Even when I lost my strap at the beginning...And I also realized that worship to God can be in many forms (guitar swinging, screaming, headbanging, etc...)...As long as the heart is in the right place...And when people cheered at the end I realized that more people enjoyed it than I thought would...I'll be darn... :)

The video is too big to put on here...So check it out at either

www.myspace.com/untitledrevelation

or

www.youtube.com/watch?v=DshRpZGdC_U

Abusing God...

I have a confession...I have abused God...I have sinned over and over again...I have fallen into SIN-REPENT-SIN-REPENT and it's killing me inside...You see guys, Satan want you to do a few things...Numero uno is that he wants you to feel like you are not worthy of being forgiven by God and that He will not want to forgive you...To a degree, we are not worthy, because we are fallen humans, but God wants us soo bad, and wants us to be cleansed by His blood...But we must ask in sincerity...We must totally want Him to flush us out of sin...Another lie is that you are alone in struggle...That no one else does that bad thing you are afraid to talk about...Bullcrap...I guarantee you that there are least a few going through almost EXACTLY if not a similar situation and are just as lost as you as to who to talk to about it...You see, they are afraid to tell God too...That or they already have and they need some earthly accountability too...Just seek out...Put yourself out there and ask...What's the worst that could happen? You get mocked for wanting to follow Jesus? I believe these kinds of people are praised in the Bible...

Now...I have experienced all of this...I have fallen and knowingly done it...I have thought about something that was wrong before I did it and gone ahead with my heathen plan...I have finished my plan and then sat there in utter bewilderment as to what pain I have just caused God as He is crucified again by my sin...I sit there wondering who I am and why I did what I did...I feel like burying my head in the sand and never coming out...I feel like doing anything but trying to talk to the One who can forgive me of what I have just done...I run...I try to hide...But then I turn to Psalm 139 and I read this:

O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
Even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.


....Wow...So then I sit there and say to myself, I say "Self, God just slapped you across the face with a realization that you CANNOT hide...you CANNOT run...And it is for your own good...God knows you inside, outside, upside down, backwards, sideways, and all He sees is the creation He started way back before you even existed...Do you get that? He knew you, ALL OF YOU, before you even existed on this mass of matter we call earth...So those sins you wanted to take and run away with, trying to hide them in the depths of you heart-They are not hideable...You are not able to run from God...Sure you can block Him out if you choose; He gives us that choice...But as soon as you ask, He is there, like a kid in a candy shop, wanting to be a part of whatever you are going through and struggle with...It doesn't matter what the world says about how bad your sins were or are...God doesn't care...He will wash them away and make you so clean you won't even know what to do with yourself...A TOTAL TRANSFORMATION..." He wants to pour out His love on you that will overwhelm every sense you every imagined you had...Not any love you have experienced before through a human...You see, no human could ever love you as much as God...No...He has this love, which in it's original Greek has it's own word "AGAPE"...Get that? There is a completely separate word in the original language because the other words for love weren't good enough and couldn't describe it properly...It's so great and so large, you could spend your whole life seeking it, chasing it, and you will be filled to the brim with it and there will still be much more never explored by our feeble minds that cannot comprehend the magnitude of God here on earth...

So then I am back to my self-contemplation and self-wallowing in what I have done and wonder if I can ever be the same and be back in God's "good graces" after what I have done...And as I struggle with wanting to think that what I have done is not of Him, I just let go and know that if I question it or don't know if I want to stop it, then I need to ask for help...God loves this too...He loves when we come to him in weakness and admit we CANNOT do it on our own...That is the way it is intended to be...We try it on our own, we may get by for awhile...Maybe our whole life...But what is the price of pride compared to eternity with the creator of anything you look at? Think about it...FOREVER...If you didn't know, that means it never ends...EVER...:) In the words of Ron Kopicko, "HOW EXCITING!"


"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
Romans 7:15-25

God Needs You? Ha...

Quit running...Quit thinking it can all be done on your own...He's right there...Right in front of your face...You are just too blinded by your own pride, ambition, and attitude towards life that you fail to realize what it means to truly live for a God so big that even the stars bow to Him in adoration of His creation...What makes you think He needs you anyways? God is up there, creating the universe, and you think He NEEDS you? Haha...No, He doesn't need you. He just WANTS you...He wants you to be part of His plan for this earth...For this lifetime...He wants to use you to do His holy, perfect work...And that my friends, is the most amazing thing ever...

"If a man cleanses himself fromt he latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work."
2 Timothy 2:21

For He Knows Our Plan...And He Knows Us...

So here I was at Consuming Fire again...This time God hit me with something else...He didn't knock me off my feet...He showed me how much He really cares...Let me tell you...

I was just chilling watching people getting prayed for and then two dudes on the prayer team came up to me named Jono and Austin...They asked if I was just chilling or if I wanted prayer or something, and I just told them I was kinda just hanging out, wondering about this whole spritual gifts thing...You know, I was just curious if I had anything like that or if God had this special thing for me or something...I was kinda curious about their ability to pray for healing on people and such...So they said they would pray for me just to see if God has anything in store or whatever...My friends, be careful when you have people pray that specifically for you...Stuff might happen that changes you... :) Jono started praying and was going on about God revealing a gift for me and asking for a blessing on me as I follow God's call into youth ministry and such...Then Austin took over the prayer and said similar things, that I just am open to God's direction and heart...While he was doing this though, I listened to Jono a little as he prayed in the background a little...One line was in english and I could hear what he said...The next line, straight up in tounges...Now, this i the first time I had heard tounges for real so I was a little freaked, but it was cool too (sidenote)...Also while Austin was praying, this other kid named John was just kinda following these two (Jono and Austin) around so he was praying over me as well...He was new to this whole thing but wanted to serve ad pray all the same...While Austin was praying I heard John whisper to Jono that he thought God spoke to him and told him something...So after the prayer form the guys, John wanted to tell me something...He told me that God gave him a few words...the main one was "warrior"...He said that I was to be a warrior for God and such, but the way he desribed it seemed to fit my personality perfectly...It was nuts...If you don't know me, I am a passionate, intense person who likes to go nuts...Then friken, Jono came back after a walk around the room and told me God was giving him the word "teacher"...Like I was going to be a teacher of some sort, teaching about God...That was crazy too, because I am already in that process, helping with a youth group and going into youth ministry...And I love to give advice...If that wasn't enough, Austin told me God gave him a picture of a lion cub with his father, who is a huge, king lion...He said that I was the cub, young and small, and that the Dad wanted to nuture me and raise me to be the father in his life...He wanted to make me courageous and a warrior for Him...I told Austin that was crazy because became Christian only a few years ago and that my mentality was that of which he was describing...

They both basically told me that God uses us in our weakness most, because I had shared some struggles with them and such...And that God wanted to take me under His care and nuture me into a great man for Him and to serve Him on this earth doing great things...By the way, none of these guys had ever really talked to me before, so they had no idea what I was like...All the personality stuff they shared had to have been from God...No kidding around...

Needless to say it was a night when I realized how much God loved me NO MATTER WHAT...He wants to take me on the ride of my life...The only ride I will ever be on...His ride...He has a plan and it is the right one, no matter how long it lasts or where it takes me...If I latch on, I may fail because I am human, but only if I let myself get in the way...

So...what is God's plan in your life? Do you know? Have you even asked? Have you been in a realtionship with Him so intense and solid that everyday you wake up thanking God and asking Him what he has in store? Turn your heart on Jesus and earnestly seek Him, and He will lead your direction...In His time, not ours...



"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

The Power of Christ Compels You...

My friends...I have just experienced something so incredible and insane that I really don't think words will do it justice...It's 3:30 am and I just can't sleep....here's why...By the way, this may be a long story...

So...At school (Spring Arbor) there are these student run and led worship programs...Wednesday night is called Deeper, Thursday night has The Call and/or Consuming Fire...They're just at different locations around campus and such...Well, tonight I went to Consuming Fire, which is one that is more focused on spiritual gifts...We first started with some worship which was cool...There was a lot of crazy worship going on...i.e. dancing, yelling, praying...all at once...It was cool...Then the professor who was in charge of the thing stood up front and said some stuff about getting the chaff out of your life and letting God cleanse you through an through...He then called his ministry team he had of about eight students to the front and told everyone else that if they wanted to be anointed and prayed for, to come up front and have one of the ministry students pray over them...A good number went to the front and the praying began and worship music still played...Through this I kept wondering if I should go up and get some prayer...I also was waiting for an open person to pray with...When one finally did open I stalled for a minute and then said screw it....I went up to a dude named Frank who lives on the floor above me...I told him that I needed prayer because I keep bouncing around in the "Sin-Repent-Sin-Repent-Sin-Repent" mode, and also that I knew faith was not based on feeling, but I really just wanted to feel God for real, because it had been almost like 3 years since I had ligitimately felt God...So, Frank anointed me and started to pray that I be cleansed and handed over to God and that He could help me stop my pattern of sin-repent-repeat...He prayed that I would feel God in my life like never before...

Then something goofy happend...My neck started to lower and I bowed my head without actually making an effort to...I started to shake just a bit and lose a little strength in my limbs...I had no clue what to think...I had never had this happen before...So Frank kept praying and I slowly started to lean back, so I caught myself with my back foot...Then I did it again...Next two more guys ame over and prayed over me with Frank...One prayed that I would just let go and not fight it anymore...So, when I leaned back again, as much as I maybe could have stopped myself if I really, really, really wanted to, and if I would have tried insanely hard, I really didn't want to and just fell and they caught me and lowered me to the ground...Like, my whole body went limp, but it wasn't heavy at all...Just like I was falling on a cloud...Then they continued to pray over me as I lay on the ground with my mind racing as to what was going on...Pretty much the Holy Spirit moved...I just prayed to God that He take me and cleanse me where I was...I didn't want the crap in there clogging up the clean stuff...After a few minutes I stood up, hugged Frank, and realized I was a little off-balance...I had some trouble standing, and walking back to my seat I was a little wobbly...I just laid on the floor at my seat in awe of what happened and prayed to God like crazy that He just take all of me and change me in an insane way...Shoot, my legs are still a wee bit like jello as I sit here typing....

I just sat there for awhile contemplating, praying, and going insane over what happened...I started to shake some and shiver and chatter my teeth like I was cold...Only thing was...I wasn't cold...The room temp was fine...For some reason I could not physically settle down...I chilled there for a little bit more, got prayed over again by one dude, and prayed with another...I haven't prayed that much in a long, long, time...So I left and went for a walk with God...Stood out in a field, looked at the stars, and raised my arms up as if God would beam me up...Kinda goofy, but hey, I really wanted, and still want God to just take all of me, even if I can't feel Him all the time...

I know in a few days this feeling may wear off...and I have to be equipped and ready to stay on track with God by obedience...That means devotions everyday...Praying randomly everywhere...Almost changing my mindset to one of complete sight on God and what He has planned for me that day...Changing my attitude into positive all the time so as to rub off on people...Act like a freaking Christian is supposed to act and stop messing around with my eternal life...

Lopsided Relationships...

So...Here I am at college finally...Not just commuting...A week or so in and really liking it so far...Pretty much convinced that even though I would do great at a few other places...I am best fit here in Spring Arbor...The first week was easy...Almost no classes and lots of time to hang with people and such...Then classes started and I realized how hard it was to get homework done in a dorm...Distractions everywhere...I really am having to learn how to find some quiet space to get crap done...Classes are awesome though...Loving how we pray before every class almost and study the Bible...Are you kidding? Everywhere I have gone to school before you can't really use the Bible as a base source of truth and knowledge...Also, really loving this whole chapel thing we do twice a week...I mean, classes are scheduled around worshipping God in song with 1200 people...How freaking awesome is that? So many people not caring about who's watching them and just worshipping God because they want to...Monday at chapel Tony Campola spoke and the place was rocked...He challenged the junk out of us to start caring for the poor and widowed and to use the education we are going to get to change the world...It really made me sure I was not wasting my time and money being at Spring Arbor needlessly...I am here to use what knowledge I am gaining to change the world for God...That is worth any sum of money in my eyes...

Now...what has happened in the last few hours is really awesome...I went to this thing called Deeper in the student center tonight...It's a student lead worship time and in depth Bible study with out chaplain Ron Kopicko...I have been struggling for a bit on finding God and being the way I used to be in my faith...On fire going nuts for God and everyone knowing it...I have noticed and been told I am not as joyful as I used to be...I guess I saw it, but unconsciously ignored it...Tonight Ron spoke of wanting to be in a relationship for what we can get out of it...I mean, you wouldn't want to be dating someone who is only dating for them to get something from you right? A little one-sided...You wouldn't marry someone half-heartedly or want them doing the same to you...Why then, do we do that with God? Why do just use Him for stuff when we need it? Why do we want God around to make our lives "easier" instead of just simply wanting to be with Him? Why can't we look in the Bible and see where it says to go out and make disciples? Why can't we start thinking less about ourselves and more about how God wants to use us to change this world for Him...He wants us to be self-less people who are looking for ways to serve others and show true love the way the Acts church did...Not people in a building listening to some dude in front talk and walk out the doors as if life was the same...No way you shouldn't be changed when you listen to God's word...If you are stagnant after something like that...Then you either didn't listen or need a reality check on who God is in your life...

And that, my friends, is where I have been...I have been in the faith for what I can get out of it...How many people notice me doing good things...How good I look...How I look when I worship...How I think someone thinks of me...I, I, I, I...see the pattern? (thanks Aunt Connie :) We have made our relationship with God so much about ourselves and what we can get out of it that we have missed every opportunity God placed on our doorstep to serve and spread his love...

So I took a little walk after Deeper tonight and God and I talked...I talked a little more (something I have to work on also) and I just apologized for being so self-centered and asked Him to let me in on His plan and change my heart to that of a servant and show me how to show others what it means to follow the creator of this freaking universe...I used to be like that once...And people noticed...Not in a selfish way am I proud they noticed, but more along the lines of me being glad to point to God and say this is why I am...This is why I wake up everyday and love myself and love who I am...

God can do some insane things...Whether they are seen by other humans or not should be insignificant...It shouldn't matter who sees what as long as your heart is set on God and you know what you do you do for God...And that my friends, is the only thing that will last forever...

Behind Me Lies Another Fallen Soldier...

Pretty much how I'm feeling...

I want to bring You all that is in my heart
I want to bring You my everything
But I've failed You so many times
How can I stand here before You
When I begin to steal what only belongs to You
I am able to bring You nothing that isn't already Yours
I am so ashamed of what I ever called my own
Take what I have, take these broken remains
What can I give You that You don't already deserve
You laid down Your life when I refused to give mine


Song By: As I Lay Dying

Gahh...Life...

So here how it goes...I love hockey...I also love to serve God...In order to play high level hockey, I have to go to a community college...In order to serve God in the way I know how and the way I think he wants me to, I need to go to Spring Arbor University...I will learn a ton about youth ministry and I will grow a ton spiritually and socially, as I will be living in a dorm...I know you are thinking, "Duh Jake, just go to the place that sounds like it will be great." Problem: Spring Arbor cost nine times more than the community college...And money is a huge obstacle right now...I could stay at community college and still hang at SAU...but I will miss out on so much I know...I really miss hockey and I know that even that could be a ministry of some kind...Just maybe I have in mind my needs and wants first, like being able to play division 3 college hockey in front of full stands and have people recognize you...I still can glorify God like crazy through it, just, I wrestle with what I really should already know...

All I really want to do is change the freaking world one kid at a time...I know God has this massive plan in store for me and I know I will go nuts with it...There is now way it will be a boring ride (not that life is about fun)...I just want to know that what I am doing is 100% right sometimes, and I really need to just hang onto God and know that as long as I follow and serve Him I really can't go wrong...

Holy crap life is confusing...



Love God, love others, nothing else matters.

A Letter From God...

Dear Son,

Before the beginning of time I knew you. I knew what color your eyes would be, and I could hear the sound of your laughter. Like a proud father who carries a picture of his son, I carried the image of you in my eyes, for you were created in my image. Before the beginning of time, I chose you. I spoke your name into the heavens and I smiled as its melody resounded off the walls of my heart.

You are mine. My love for you extends farther than the stars in the sky, and deeper then any ocean. You are my child of great price, the one for whom I gave everything. I cradle you in the palm of my hand. I love you even in the face of your failure. Nothing you say or do can cause me to stop loving you. I will never give up on you. Run from me-I will love you. Reject me-I will love you. Reject yourself-I will love you. You see, my love was slain before the foundations of the world, and I have never regretted the sacrifice I made for you when I died.

When I see every part of who you are, I marvel at the work of my hands, for i have whispered words of longing and desire, and you came into existence. You are awesome, and I take pleasure in you-heart, mind, and body. You are my desire. When you turn your head in shame and despise what I have made, still I reach for you, even if you don't know it. You are my most wanted and I am yours.

Love,
Your Heavenly Father


P.S. Let's talk sometime. I am always here to listen. Anytime. Anywhere.

IYC 2007...Servanthood...

Wow...what a trip...My friends...I have biked from Jackson, MI to Knoxville, TN...close to 600 miles...And there is no way I could have done it alone...I'm telling you...I have never been challenged like this...Physically, mentally, spiritually...All of it was tested...

When we started off...Everyone just wanted to do the miles to say they did it...By the end...we didn't want to stop riding together...Rick (youth pastor) threw at us the idea that we should be servants on this trip...Getting outside of ourselves and thinking of how we could make the trip better for someone else...Let me tell you...Not an easy task...So many times I wanted to go at my own pace and just get it done...So many times I wanted to stay in my own head and block out the rest of the world as I climbed another monster hill...Somewhere though, I realized that what we were doing couldn't be done alone and we all needed other, as well as God...duh... :) I'm pretty sure that the smoothness of the trip and the good weather were all God...Too many things went right and fit together too well to not lead me to believe God went crazy on watching over us...But yeah, slowly I learned how selfish I am and how much I think about what I want or need in order to get through a day...I mean, crap, how much more could someone benefit from me staying behind to cheer them on up a hill than me getting up it 3 minutes faster? (something I struggled with all trip) Shoot...I still have to wait at the top anyway... Could it be that putting someone ahead of your needs and wants is admirable and pleasing in God's eyes? It's like a punch between the eyes...
The bike trip overall was amazing though...Meeting new people and learning how wonderful it feels to have a bike seat shoved up your bum for 11 days...:) I swear my legs are twice as big as when I left...

When we got to IYC itself it was a little different meeting up with the bus group...You could tell the difference, not in a bad way...Just the way it was...We gelled eventually though...
So it began with a little fire and brimstone from Ron Kopicko...Love it...People were getting saved like it was going outta style...Really learned a ton...The worship band rocked every sock I own off...And Lost and Found is the weirdest friken band I have ever seen in my entire life...And I loved them...I know I am just rambling and most likely you don't care...But I don't care that you may not care...So ha... :)

I'm, thinking next blog I will elaborate on servant hood...Yeah, I think I will...

Really there is so much to tell you that I don't feel like writing it...So let's get coffee (hot chocolate in my case, caffeine gives me headaches) and talk about life, my trip and what I learned and how my life needs to change...And why we are at it...Let's talk about your life and what you are thinking about...

No Fear In Love...

So sorry it has been so long...Let's see...
Me, Abe and Jerm moved into our apartment, named The Loft, and it had been sweet...Just three dudes living together trying to figure how to best serve God and the people in the area...So excited for what is coming our way...

Reading the Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning still...It really is a book you have to go slowly through...I have been thinking about this idea of forgiveness and how and why we deserve it...Ha...Really we don't, God just chooses to be that awesome and give us grace we will never understand...Back to the book a little bit...This paragraph hit me like a baseball in the eye...

"The saved sinner is prostrate in adoration, lost in wonder and praise. He knows repentance is not what we do in order to earn forgiveness; it is what we do because we have been forgiven. It serves as an expression of gratitude rather than an effort to earn forgiveness. Thus the sequence of forgiveness and then repentance, rather than repentance and then forgiveness."

Yeah...I think I have been going about the whole thing all wrong...I have this little sequence thing of Sin-Repent-Sin-Repent, and that is not how it should work...You shouldn't go to God "feeling bad" about what you have done...I mean, you should be a little upset you sinned, but the whole feeling sorry for oneself thing is not truly being sorry...God wants you to come to Him seeking honestly for His heart and honestly wanting to dwell with Him...Lost in all that He is...We don't come to God trying to earn something...We don't have to earn anything...Jesus had nails put through his body so that we earn this thing called the grace of God that is a living, breathing thing given out of love we will never completely understand as a human...If you are saved, you have been forgiven and thus no longer have to repent feeling as if you are earning God's forgiveness....It already happened...

God is not some Buddha figure sitting up in heaven unmoving and hard as stone...God is present everywhere all the time...He is next to you now whether you want Him there or not...In legalistic religion, there is a tendency to mistrust God, others, and ultimately ourselves...Do you believe that God is love? Or have you learned to fear God? John says "In love there can be no fear for fear is driven out by perfect love. Fear has to do with punishment and anyone who is afraid is still imperfect in love." (1 John 4:18) Sometimes I think of God as a judge, punisher, and disciplinarian...That could not be more wrong...God's love is shown through Jesus...He loves US so much, that He let His son be killed so that we could be with Him forever...

So when you screw up...When you just want to hide in a corner from God...Remember that you can't hide and just go to Him, as broken and battered as you are...And truthfully and honestly want God to just take over your sin...That is what asking for forgiveness is...A confession of your heart...Besides, God knows your heart anyways, so once again, hiding won't work, and there really is no reason to hide...

There is no fear in love...

Another World...

So....It's been awhile...My bad...I guess it was just one less thing for you to read though... :)

Anyways...Yesterday, I went to another youth leader's house to have dinner...If you don't know, me and a few buds (Abe and Jerm and Bob) are helping with an inner-city youth group in Jackson...So after dinner at Jesse (the other youth leader) and with Scott (a huge Hawaiian who is another youth leader) we all decided to hop in a couple cars and go around to some of the kids' houses just to see them and say hi and whatnot. Now, I have lived in Jackson all my life and driven through it every week. I lived in the ghetto persay when I was really young on the north side, but I have never really walked around the worse parts of Jackson. I may seem like I am just a whiteboy with enough money to keep himself on a nice side of town, which I am, but dude, I don't care who you are...The lifestyle and how the people live is completely the opposite of anything you know...I live about 5 miles from one of the kid's houses, and it's like stepping onto Mars...Just a completely different world...Everything is run down and you can tell a lot of people can't take care of themselves the way they need to...Cars are rolling down the street with a huge system and 18 inch rims while people sit needy of the street corner...It's basically the most uncomfortable place I have ever been in...And I love it...I have never before seen so much need for Jesus anywhere....I know He's not a popular dude around those parts...But I can't wait to live aroudn there and just throw myself into the culture and get knocked around (maybe literally, who knows)...I know I won't fit in...But maybe that's how it's supposed to be...Maybe us guys can change a few things, even if it's only with the kids at youth group...All I know is that it's going to be one crazy ride...

Empty Words...

I have this stuff festering inside of me that just needs to come out...In short, some are not who they seemed to be anymore...Some who taught me how to be a Christian has taken their own path of off the main trail...So I wrote these lyrics I hope to put to some music (screaming preferably :)...And it more or less gives a brief overview of what the last few years of my life have been...You probably could have figured out some of that on your own, but what the heck... Have a splendid day, all of you...:)


EMPTY WORDS

From the beginning you spoke to me the truth
You told me all about how life should be lived
I listened to you, and my eyes were opened
My life became a story, a song, a worthy cause
You were with me all the time, by my side
We battled together and dreamed together
We loved together and cried together
Thank you for your time

But then
Slowly the haze filled the room
Your image started to slip away
I could not see who you were anymore
I could not remember your name
You were changing and fading and running
All the things you taught me were thrown away
I searched for them, but they were gone

I became too afraid to find them and gave up
Only to find that there may be some hope
Again, Lucifer took hold of that and ripped it away
He left me standing in the desert, with only an image and story
I reached for your hand, but you were too far gone
Will you ever come back someday?

So I fall to my knees, begging for your life
Begging the One to rescue you from the depth
Hoping you'll listen and hear His voice
Hoping you'll know who you used to be
Just promise me this one thing, just one thing
That you will be with me in the end

All I Can Hear Is The Sound Of Your Voice...

Ever have questions for God? Ever wanted to know His plan for you? Well shoot...I have...like, everyday...Especially now with college decisions and such...But I think I have figured out how to never be wrong...Just base your decision on God and what He wants...Ha...Can't go wrong...There's this song by Radial Angel called "Your Voice"...Basically it talks about falling down before God, praising Him, and just living in Him...Then all decisions we need to make are going to be easier to make because we are so in tune to God that we just live on as if that is the way it is supposed to be...Well heck, that IS the way it is supposed to be...During the last few months I went through a freaking crazy phase with choosing a college for next year...I finally felt at peace after awhile when I realized that God was going to use me anywhere...And this peace came when I "heard" a few words from God over and over...."Remain in me"...That's all...Just remain in God and all things will flow out...It almost sounds too easy or stupid to be true or work...(Southern accent) "Well shucks, I tell ya, by golly it works like a charm." Maybe my humor sucks...Oh well... :) So yeah, that's kind of what I believe...That if you are remaining in God by doing devos and such and giving Him your day, every day, realizing He is God and you are not, that all decisions will be easier and more peaceful because you know they are straight from God, with no static or a fuzzy picture...
All we hear is the sound of God's voice...All day, everyday...

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."
John 15:4

Let Love In...

From The Ragamuffin Gospel....

The story goes that a public sinner was excommunicated and forbidden entry to the church. He took his woes to God, "They won't let me in Lord, because I am a sinner."
"What are you complaining about?" said God. "They won't let Me in either."

Something Is Radically Wrong...

Well, yeah, so...Started this pretty sweet book called The Ragamuffin Gospel...Wow is all I can say...Brennan Manning (author) is a genius...Within the first 4 pages I was already questioning things about my own life and the life of Christian society...He first goes into the idea of grace, and how there are way too many Christians who believe they have to earn grace...Maybe it's just me, but doesn't this totally go against what God's grace is? Doesn't this water down something so awesome and powerful that a human cannot possibly comprehend? Isn't it us just trying to put God in our own little box of understanding? We are trying to become comfortable with who we are and what we do, so at the first sign of something outside of our viewing window we cringe and try to crumple it up into a little cell that fits in our brains...My friends, this is NOT was God's unending grace is...It is not something we are to ever mortally understand...How could we? How could we ever understand how someone loves us more than all humanity put together ever could? How could we comprehend how someone could love us NO MATTER what we do... No matter if we are saved...No matter if we have it all together...No matter if we don't know what the inside of a church looks like...No matter if we shake our fist at Him and never want anything to do with Him again...He still loves us, and wants us to be with Him in heaven at the end of the earth...So we have to stop trying to impress God with what do...With what we are involved in...With what we look like, talk like, walk like...and start inside of ourselves with out hearts...We gotta let Him have it because He will pour into it so much love that you just wannna burst...Realize that the gift of grace from God is bigger than anything your head will ever mortally be able to understand...Great paragraph here from Manning..."Our huffing and puffing to impress God, our scrambling for brownie points, our thrashing about trying to fix ourselves while hiding our pettiness and wallowing in guilt are nauseating to God and are a flat denial of the gospel of grace."

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' FOR I HAVE NOT COME TO CALL THE RIGHTEOUS, BUT SINNERS."
Matthew 9:12-13

See the Awesomeness of Your God...

It's been awhile...My bad...
Once again...God just blows my mind to pieces...Honestly, there is nothing left...Anways...I was reading the tail end of Buck-Naked Faith by Eric Sandras and he has this section about seeing God through every distraction put in front of you...he focused a lot on worship, which tends to shoot right up my alley...I've been thinking a lot about this too, and what it means to me...Basically...worship is more than just a 30 minute session at church with music and singing...Worship moves beyond our feeble, mortal selves and into a whole different realm where we meet with God and become in Him and He enters into us...God's presence should be so close to our freaking faces that when we leave our time of worship, however long that may be, we can't help but see Him everywhere...Worship and The Word must become more than just events on a Sunday morning...They need to turn into an attitude that so magnifies God that we can't help but see Jesus in EVERYTHING...
A few places in the Bible I love to read about worship....Check out Isaiah 6...It talks about the angels Isaiah sees and hears worshipping God...He hears a noise that would pretty much blow away any surround sound system you can find at Best Buy or Circuit City...Verse 4: "At the sound of their voices the doorposts and threshholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke." This wasn't a movie...Isaiah got to experience the real deal...Worship to the max...Shoot, his eardrums echoed...He felt sensations he never had before...Another place...Check out Psalms 139...Not kidding, this blows me away everytime...Too much to even put in here, so look it up... :) David just goes on about the awesomeness of God and how He knows every crevice, every fiber in out body...Even when we sin...He still wants us...Holy mother...
Even something as "little" as a sunset makes me want to stare forever at this creation...I just don't get how something so beautiful was conceived and made so that we may worship in different forms...
Please God, never let me water you down and forget how big you are...I know You don't need us, but you want us...Sin and all...Thanks for putting up with me and being with me no matter what I do...I am sinner reaching out my hand, and You take it everytime.............

I want God to blow my mind away so that all that is left is my heart...He tries...I just don't listen and see...

Crazy, Nutty, and Saved...

I've been thinking lately about the time period in which Jesus lived...I know, random... But hey, when you have ADD that tends to happen...(Attention Deficit Disorder for those who are undereducated, or go to JCC...Wait, I do...) Anyways...I was reading something about the Disciples and how radical they were to follow Jesus, and it hit me...You would have had to be almost completely off your rocker to follow this dude...I mean, come on...All he did was say, "Follow me..." or "I will make you fishers of men..." Fishers of men? If someone today heard that they would laugh in his face...Something had to have moved in these men who would later be called disciples......The stuff Jesus was preaching at the time (30-33 A.D.) was not exactly in line with most people's beliefs...Most didn't exactly think Jesus was the messiah...Jewish tradition says that the messiah will come as a great king of the people and be powerful...Not some dude in a plain robe and the son of a carpenter...So it kind of makes it that much cooler that some dudes just left everything and followed Jesus...That's kind of how I feel it is today...I mean, who gives everything they have (possession, money, their life perhaps) to someone they can't even see? Shoot, at the least the disciples could see the dang guy...(small joke)...Today, it's basically against any common sense I hear about...The world keeps telling me I need money, fame, and no problems to have the perfect life...Well I say that I will go in blind and rely on Jesus if it means I get to live forever...I just want to realize that what I am doing is completely nuts and I love every second of it...I pray that God never lets me water down His glory, grace, and mercy...I hope that you never ever let go of this crazy, awesome, out of this world thing you have inside of you...Thank you God so much for blowing my life into pieces and putting me back together how you want...

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me."
Galatians 2:20

Are There Any Left Who Haven't Kissed The Enemy?

I don't know if I can take it anymore...Every week it's someone new...Before I get into it, I first have to say that I know I screw up everyday, and that no sin is greater than any other...All I have chosen to do I guess is concentate on a few of them...Anyways, I hate alcohol, weed, and whatever euphoria they bring...I really hate to be vocal about this, but it has been bothering me for so long that I just have to let it out...There are so many people I have known that have had an impact in my life for Christ, and so many people who I have looked up to as a Christian or had as a friend...Problem is, a friken lot of these people have done or been apart of anything and eveything I have ever known to not be involved with being a follower of Christ...So many people have gone off to college and become partiers...I really don't want to sound critical, because I known I friken screw up with other things, so if you don't like what I'm saying, please stop reading...It just hurts inside to see so many people close to me get into drinking...I mean, did God not say "Do not get drunk on wine." Ephesians 5:18......"Ok" I've been told by some people..."But I just drink socially to be around people that I could maybe even share God about..."Well that's cool, if you're 21...I know people hate laws and stuff, but God did say to respect the laws of man...Hey, aren't Chrisitans supposed to be an example of Jesus in the world? I know He drank wine, but never got drunk, and they didn't have a drinking age then...But it's not the technicalities anyone should be looking for to get by...If the world thinks alcohol represents something bad, then why present that image to them if you are alive in God? Why even want to be apart of something that will not bring you closer to God? Back to the old permissive/beneficial thing...It's not beneficial at all, and even borders the permissive line at times...I probably sound like a jerk and narrow-minded Christian...But I do love everyone that I know that may party and stuff...It's not them I hate, it's what they get into...Never will I ever love anyone less for screwing around with alcohol and drugs...I mean, shoot, I sin in different ways other people may hate as much as I hate alcohol...Maybe that's why it hurts so much to see people I know get into this...Because I love them...Christ loves them too, so really in the end, my opinion doesn't even matter...


Is there nothing left now?
Nothing left to sing
Are there any left who hasn't kiss the enemy?
Is this the New Year or just another desperation?

Does justice never find you?
Do the wicked never lose?
Is there any honest song to sing besides these blues?

And nothing is okay
Till the world caves in
Till the world caves in

Switchfoot- "The Blues"

Beat Myself Down...

Ever done something (sin) and felt like complete crap after? Ever felt like you just really didn't want to talk to God because you didn't feel like He would listen? Like you weren't worthy? It sucks...Problem...all of these feelings of guilt and remorse and crap are completely the opposite of God...(Satan for those slow ones :) This dude named Lucifer loves it when we keep drifting back into sin because it honors him...The devil loves it when we run from God when we need God the most...It's when we are at our lowest that God picks us up....If you are a Bible follower, then check out Isaiah 40:29- "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." A lot of people (me a lot of the time) feel like if they screw up over and over, or miss some devotions, that they can't go to God until they feel better about themselves...I am not saying that is it ok to just miss devos or sin c0nsciously all the time, but it is wrong to think that you can't come to God with your problem all the time every time. Maybe God has this plan for you that He needs you to be ready for...There is no way that you can do that when you are too busy beating yourself up over something that happened a few days ago...If you really asked God for forgiveness and meant it, He forgave you...God is that amazing, all the time...Why then, can you not forgive yourself? It's almost like saying that God's grace is not good enough for you...It's the realization that we are not perfect and that we will screw up, while still trying to do everything we can to be like Jesus...It's this realization when The we come full circle on the power of God and how much He cares for us...

A Storm Overcome...

Y'all know the story about Jesus calming the storm? If not, check out Luke 8:22-25...Anyways, remember when the disciples woke him and yelled out "Master, Master! We're going to drown!" Now, most people would consider this a prayer...After all, that's what talking to God is...They were in trouble and went to God, and he calmed the storm...Isn't that what we do? A storm comes and we pray to God for help...Funny thing though, when the storm settles, Jesus rebuked his disciples: "Where is you faith?" He said...Where is your faith? What the heck? Then again...Jesus did say that they were going to the other side...Did they think that He was lying? If Jesus says you're gonna make it, by gol you're gonna make it...Pretty sure He knows more than any of us...The disciples forgot that God is bigger than the biggest storms...Good sermon stuff right there...So, shoot...Where is our faith supposed to be? In God's promise to get us to the destination He has determined? Had something like this story happened to someone today, it would be considered a success story...We prayed in a desperate situation, and God delivered us...Good testimony material... But hey, a thought here...What if Jesus was trying to teach the twelve see the world from a new perspective: God's kingdom...As followers of Jesus they could have bent nature's rules too...When we walk in harmony with God, there is power to overcome anything...When I actually see myself as God does, and I know God's purpose and intention, mindblowing things happen...That's really what Jesus is offering to us...A chance to see the world from His eyes...Once we experience the power of God that fills every crevice, crack, and fiber in our body, we no longer bow to any of the world's idols...We grow in love; not in a selfish way, where we say "It's all about me"...But in a biblical way, where we say "It's all about God" (Thanks Rick)...

(Help with this blog came from Buck-Naked Faith by Eric Sandras, p.115-117)

I Want...God...

I want…Is that the right approach? There’s all these things I want to do and be, but do they align with God? Am I creating my own kingdom instead of trying to expand God’s? Still a little clueless on college choices too…Speak Lord, and I’ll listen…
So I have this devo book, My Utmost for His Highest, and on the day, I wrote the paragraph above, I read this for the day’s scripture…It kind of hit home like non other…
“We have any number of visions and ideals when we are young, but sooner or later we find that we have no power to make them real…We cannot do the things we long to do, and we are apt to settle down to the visions and ideals as dead, and God has to come and say- ‘Arise from the dead’…When the inspiration of God does come, it comes with such miraculous power that we are able to arise from he dead and do the impossible thing…God does not give us overcoming life, he gives us life as we overcome…When the inspiration of God comes, and He says “Arise from the dead,” we have to get up, God does not lift us up…”
This all hit home pretty hard with me…I really have been struggling with doing things just because they are fun or enjoyable…Even ministry things…I have lost some of the heart of why I do what I do…Worship band, Freshman leader, and just plain having people look up to me…Mind-blowing actually that people will do that…As Uncle Ben said, “With great power comes great responsibility”… Not being a self-centered short kid here, but I was not modeling who I want to and should be in God…Never know who’s looking (God perhaps :) ...
I also really wonder what it is that God has in store for me…I want to change the world, and yet I really have somewhat of no clue how to…Honestly, I know I should pray and listen for God to nudge me and point my spiritual compass, it’s just so freakin hard sometimes because pretty much usually, my time does not align with His…I’m not kidding, I just want to give it all up and change this lost, broken world…Not caring about possession…Not caring about external appearances…Not caring about what I am, only who I am in Christ…This could mean being a youth pastor as God seems to be calling me to be…It could mean giving up everything I have and living on the streets or as a missionary somewhere…Heck, why not both? Ha…

I want to do something that is bound to fail unless divinely intervened…

“Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”
Ephesians 5:14

After The World...

There's this band...Disciple...there pretty good, check em out...Anyways...they have this song called "After The World"...Probably one of the best songs I have ever heard in my life...Lyrics, music, and meaning; all come together to make for one nice thought provoking session and reflection on who we are in Christ's eyes and why He did what He did...This song just kind of hit me between the eyes one day as I realized there is NOTHING, EVER that can come between the love He has for us...Things can come between our love for Him if we let them, but never the other way around...He is so huge and so amazing that everything our being consist of is wonderful in His eyes...Hence the fact that we are made in His image...But this song kind of comes back to our questioning God and the things He did, does, and will do for us...Specifically when Jesus was on the cross, which is the perspective this song was written from...Of course, the lyrics themselves can speak better, so I will let them take over...


You break the glass, try to hide your face
Recorded lines that just will not erase
And buried in your loss of innocence
You wonder if you’ll find it again

Was I there for the worst of all your pain?
And was I there when your blue skies ran away?
Was I there when the rains were flooding you off your feet?
Those were My tears falling down for you, falling down for you

(Chorus)
I’m the One that you’ve been looking for
I’m the One that you’ve been waiting for
I’ve had My eyes on you ever since you were born
I will love you after the rain falls down
I will love you after the sun goes out
I’ll have My eyes on you after the world is no more

Did I arrange the light of your first day?
Did I create the rhythm your heart makes?
Could you believe when your candle starts to fade?
I want to be the One that you believe
Could take it all away, take your heart away

(Chorus)

Isn’t My life a clear sign since I have crossed over this chasm
To fill the space between Me and you?
And I will do it all over again
Just look for Me, just wait for Me

The One you’ve been looking for
The One you’ve been waiting for
You won’t have to look anymore

Help, Oh God...

My future=Unsure...I just have to let this out that I have no idea what I am to do next year...I have applied to seven colleges to go to after this year at Jackson Community College...I even am unsure about what I want to do, even though it should seem so clear...I think I am going into Youh Ministry to be a youth pastor...I love high school kids and really love to "teach" people things about God...Countless people have even told me I would be a good youth pastor...Next problem...What college? Do I go to college? I know the answer is 99.9% yes as far as going to college, because I won't survive this world without a degree (or two), but as far as where to go I really am now not as sure as I once was...My worry is that if I go to one college, I will wonder what life could have been like at another one of them...It's like, I will regret my decision and not have fun at the college I am at...Will it even matter where I go? Does God have one place He wants me? I also am wrestling with the fact that I want to just give up everything and live for God with no attachements...I just want to have only Him and not worry about worldly things...Basically, no college...But then I think..."What if He wants me as a crazy, down-to-earth youth pastor who can reach out to the kids who seemingly can't be reached?" That would be amazing...I do realize though, that I am underestimating God and what He has in my future...I am trying to put Him in a box and say, "There is no way I could ever do that or even want to be that..." I do know though, that I have to REALLY put all trust in God for it to work out and have Him point me in whatever direction is the best....

Here we go...the ride of my life...

Under The Overpass...

So I started this book Under The Overpass the other day...I really have to put it up there in my top few books ever...This dude Mike and his friend Sam decided to be homeless for five months...Ha...I thought that it was nuts when I first heard it too...Their idea was to see if their faith in God could exist when all the comforts of an average life were taken...Sounds a little bland in typing right now, but I tell you this book is changing my perspective on Christianity...What they found out was that people virtually ignore and pretend you don't exist when you are below what they consider to be human...The worst part is, "church" people were in that category almost as much as "non-church"...The guys slept in front of a church one night assuming they would be woken by people going into it in the morning...What they woke up to though, was the sounds of voices singing worship songs...As it turns out, everyone had gone around to a side door to avoid having to confront these two homeless dudes...Not saying every church is like this, but more often than not, the ones who were supposed to be loving and caring toward the "worst" humans, the church, were not...There were some that took them in and were friendly, but too mnay times they were looked at as scum of the earth...It seems to me that there is something in this world that makes us afraid to get outside our little bubble of comfort and actually do what Jesus said to do on His terms, not ours...Jesus hung out with the prostitutes, lepers, and shunned people of His time...No I know I have to be the change I want to see in the world, which is why I am thinking about doing this sometime in the next few years, but I just had to get some of this out...There will be plenty later....

Wonder...

I am one of those people who loves to know how things work…I love taking apart things and putting them back together…Not only little machines and such, but life itself…I always seem to have to know why things happen the way they do…Problem here…I carry it over into my spiritual life, and that can create some problems…I sometimes question God’s motives as if I know better than Him…I sometimes wonder why He did something the way He did, or why He created something…
Wonder…Ha…Funny word that one is…It means that something has some mystery to it and makes you sit and dwell over why it exists…Faith is kind of like that I guess…I mean, you base your life around something that more or less can’t be physical touched or grasped…You put all trust you have into something bigger physical, mentally, and spiritually than you…That doesn’t sounds too bad eh?
That is why I do not understand some people’s approached to God (mine occasionally)… “Many have abandoned the great mysteries of faith and the passionate pursuit of love and holiness in order to pursue a more rationalistic approach to the Bible and God.” (Buck Naked Faith) It’s like people are trying to water down something because it fits into their box they call life, while so much more is going on around them that much bigger than themselves…They don’t want to think about the fact that they may not understand everything about God…They may not get why He is what He is…
I really think that a part of faith is in the mystery…A part of believing Jesus is who He said He was is knowing that there are things about it that are unattainable for a human to grasp… “Is it possible to stare in wonder or bow in awe, regardless of understanding?” I mean, come on…A dude dies on a tree with nails through his body so that we get to spend forever in a place more awesome than a million human minds could comprehend together…FOREVER…That’s a very long time by the way, and if you really think about it, your head may start hurting… :)
It’s my lack of understanding sometimes that makes me love believing in Jesus as my savior…It makes the growing and maturing process more of an adventure and less of a arithmetic manufacturing process…I enjoy not being able to wrap my head around things sometimes and getting my mind blown by God…

Who Am I?

Ok…so…lately I have been struggling to find who I am...I have been getting into this mindset where I want to be really different…Different in the sense of not being mainstream, trying to do things in a new way…This is how I was going about the whole church thing…I have been reading about all these people doing things that are considered normal “church” and have really been inspired by them…The problem is, I have been jumping on the bandwagon with limited supplies, limited support and a blind ambition, so to say…As the last post I put on goes along with, I want change in the way I do things and the way people think of Christians, as well as how Christians are portrayed in this world…Sometimes I just get sick of the way people “do” church and don’t live like Jesus would…But, I really have forgotten all the wonderful things about the church today…I have forgotten where my foundation was built…There are so many churches that are wonderful and filled with true Jesus followers…I allowed myself to get caught up in blaming and judging the church by the bad ones….
I also have fallen into the ministry trap…Wait, that sounded bad, so let me explain…I help with my old high school youth group as a freshmen adult leader and I also play in the worship band…Problem number 2 was that I was doing stuff for God kind of empty-heartedly…At the beginning my heart was in it very strong, then I started losing that and just did these things because they are “good” things to do…Then I read this chapter in a book called Buck Naked Faith by Eric Sandras and it hit me…I was no longer letting the spirituality of the things take over…Here’s an excerpt from it…

“Are you so consumed with trying to do something for God that you aren’t allowing room to just be God’s? You can take the most mundane and even despised task and turn it into a glorifying kingdom experience. This perspective opens the heavens so that God’s life-giving reign can satiate your emotional dryness. It’s a perspective of humility and surrender. If you find yourself at such a place, treasure this time.”

See, I was doing these things because they were really fun things to do…They were easy for me to glorify God through…I didn’t have to work hard…Things like school and my family, which are harder for me to glorify God in, I shoved aside and didn’t fuse all parts of my life into one, into The One…No more…Now it’s time to kick myself in the rear and get to work for God… I am still going to do the church ministry things I do…just now they will be a piece of the puzzle to who I am in God…All pieces must be put together to see the whole picture…

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus: Who, being in the very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant…"
Philippians 2:5-7

Who is a true Christian?

I was visiting one of my favorite bands sites, Underoath, the other day, and I ran across a blog entry by one of my idols, their guitarist Timmy McTague...I really have never heard anyone say something that is so close to how I feel and how I think...This entry pretty much hits dead on in my "beliefs" and outlook...Here ya go:


Nov 24, 2006 - Who is a true Christian? - Timmy

It seems no matter what is said, or done on this website I see and hear of people wondering/speculating/ judging who is a christian and who isn't. I honestly don't even want to give this subject anymore of a spotlight but i feel like a lot of you are wondering who Underoath is, and who I am , and who we are as people and Christians, and how that applies to our lives. I feel a true Christian is someone who loves other people before themselves and loves God with everything. My goal in life isn't to go through life never drinking a beer, or not saying certain words...it's loving people and learning how to be a positive influence in people's lives. If you're looking at us to fit the squeaky clean mold that the Christian right has set before us as the status quo, I think it's time for you to sign off of this website for good. We are real dudes with real problems. If you want perfect people then you are always going to be disappointed..if you want to feel like you're a perfect person and are surrounded by perfect people, then go into %90 of the churches that exist in our country where sexual addiction doesn't exist, or drug use doesn't exist, or drinking doesn't exist....I have news for you....the only time that stuff doesn't exist is for 45 minutes on Sunday morning. NOBODY is perfect, and no one ever will be...if you think someone is your being lied to or you're lying to yourself. There's nothing wrong with someone drinking, or listening to whatever they want, or wearing whatever they want. I'd rather have a few beers with my friends and get real with them on issues and struggles rather than fake perfection and never really get anywhere with anyone. I care about poverty, the environment, homeless people, my friends lives, my girlfriend's heart and life, my family, social injustices.....so on and so forth. I am not concerned about who drank what, and who smokes, or who said ass the other night. We are not twelve years old...it's time to stop acting like we are. Look past the five steps of being a good Christian that your youth leader told you and start getting real. There's people that are killing themselves right now because nobody talks about problems. People feel like they are alone in struggles because nobody is willing to admit their own flaws. Everyone gets trapped in this social prison and in turn are pushed further and further down until they are helpless. I drink with my friends, I mess up with my girlfriend, my mouth isn't the cleanest thing in the world, homosexual people don't offend me, I don't agree with George Bush and the war we are in....and the list goes on. I feel like this journal entry is so elementary, but i feel like this issue needs to be dealt with. Until we're ok with not being ok, we're never going to get anywhere. I'm as messed up as anyone that is reading this, if not more. The only thing I know is that anything of any real value or worth in my life is not of my own accord but Christ in me. Jesus ate 'unclean' meet, drank wine with his friends, hung out with people that didn't fit the contemporary christian molds of old, and he got heat for it..but it was the right thing to do..the real thing to do. There was only one true Christian and that was Jesus. He cared about the homeless, the widow, and the orphans more than fitting into the Christian box..so that's what i will do. I'm sure there will be post after post of outraged 'christians' who are burning their UO cd's and furious because this isn't what they wanted to hear. I have a hard time loving those people, but I'm trying. Usually when I see those posts I laugh and joke with my friends about how stupid people can be, and for that I'm sorry, but this time I wanted to be transparent in hopes that some clarity and headway could be made on these topics. If not I guess there will be an extreme surge of Underoath cd's in the local record shop's used bin...so if you don't have a lot of money and want any of our records then wait about a week after this is posted and hit up the cd shops...you're bound to find what you're looking for. I love you all...and I almost forgot...Happy Thanksgiving!!! By the way...Aaron is going to be doing an Almost tour in January and all of you guys should go out and see him...check his site for more details!!!! I love you all...even you.

SOURCE: underoath777.com

All Over The Place...

Well…Gotta say I am a little not confused, but asking some questions…Had conversation at work with a guy who is not a Christian, but is very spiritual and believes wholeheartedly in God, I’m not sure which God though, Christian, Allah, or his own…Anyways, he went through some crap and messed himself up a bit and swears God turned him around…As he said, God “hit with a 2 x 4 in the head in a loving way”…I found that funny…I believe him though…I really believe God smoked him right in the head with a board and straightened him out…
Another issue…this guy has a huge problem with religions and hates the three main ones the most…He thinks Christians are a bunch of hypocritical, clicky, narrow-minded people…He thinks the Muslims are a bunch of radical nutballs…“Who is anyone to say what way is right and wrong?” he asked me…”Who are we to say what the right way to live is?” He told me that is you are striving to be the best person you can be and are a good member of this world (not society because he hates society for personal reasons…I do too frankly…) then you will be judged accordingly…Interestingly enough he thinks Jesus was a wonderful man, but he just hates the people Jesus hangs around with…Needless to say it was a good conversation…We agreed on the fact that Christians suck and that judging someone seems to be a way of life now in the world…But it just left me thinking, is Christianity the way? Now, I am not abandoning my faith, for in James, I think, it said that the testing of our faith develops perseverance…But what if?
Interestingly enough, this guy is gay…Would have mattered is he were straight though?

A Fall to Grace...

First off…if you can…read the article “A Fall to Grace” by Ed Young in the latest issue of RELEVANT Magazine…This entry is inspired a little by that article…

Once again I am brought back to the beauty of grace…Lately I have been putting God in a box again…A very small one…For some reason I thought that this thing God has called grace is an exhaustible source…Ha…are you kidding? It’s pretty much the opposite…God has an bottomless source of grace, one of the hardest things for the human mind to comprehend and fathom…I have been “screwing up” so much lately and not doing my “normal God stuff” that I my mind has wandered to an almost inescapable place of self-righteousness and self-pity…I have tried to fix my so called “bad-feeling” my own way…Pretending I prayed, pretending I did the Christian thing, and actually succeeding in tricking myself into thinking I was doing fine…I am reminded of how my friend Jeremy Slager used to tell me about when he argued with himself and lost…I used to think that was rubbish until recently (try it sometime, it’s an interesting experience :)…
Probably at the root of all these feelings are thoughts that limit God to nothing short of a horoscope...Specifically his grace…I put my sin and the grace of God on an equal plane, and this is completely unjustified…”But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many!” Romans 6:15…
To think that you have sinned so badly and so many times that God wants nothing to do with you and will never forgive or enter your heart again is to spit on the foot of the cross Jesus himself was crucified on…If you think you have screwed up, not matter how big or small, and then you enter into a wallow of darkness and a state of feeling sorry for yourself, and then think that God doesn’t love you let alone like you, your understanding of God is wrong and misguided…The beauty of grace is that it overcomes ANY sin to complete yourself as a child of God and fills in the hole in your heart where nothing else can…God wants to be a part of your life so badly that he endured the pain of watching his son beaten, tortured, and have nails driven through his wrists amid blood that was shed for every human to ever live…Try to put that one in a box somewhere…

Just let go and let the One who knows you better than yourself take over…completely…

“But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Christ our Lord.”
Romans 6:20-21