Monday, February 19, 2007

I Want...God...

I want…Is that the right approach? There’s all these things I want to do and be, but do they align with God? Am I creating my own kingdom instead of trying to expand God’s? Still a little clueless on college choices too…Speak Lord, and I’ll listen…
So I have this devo book, My Utmost for His Highest, and on the day, I wrote the paragraph above, I read this for the day’s scripture…It kind of hit home like non other…
“We have any number of visions and ideals when we are young, but sooner or later we find that we have no power to make them real…We cannot do the things we long to do, and we are apt to settle down to the visions and ideals as dead, and God has to come and say- ‘Arise from the dead’…When the inspiration of God does come, it comes with such miraculous power that we are able to arise from he dead and do the impossible thing…God does not give us overcoming life, he gives us life as we overcome…When the inspiration of God comes, and He says “Arise from the dead,” we have to get up, God does not lift us up…”
This all hit home pretty hard with me…I really have been struggling with doing things just because they are fun or enjoyable…Even ministry things…I have lost some of the heart of why I do what I do…Worship band, Freshman leader, and just plain having people look up to me…Mind-blowing actually that people will do that…As Uncle Ben said, “With great power comes great responsibility”… Not being a self-centered short kid here, but I was not modeling who I want to and should be in God…Never know who’s looking (God perhaps :) ...
I also really wonder what it is that God has in store for me…I want to change the world, and yet I really have somewhat of no clue how to…Honestly, I know I should pray and listen for God to nudge me and point my spiritual compass, it’s just so freakin hard sometimes because pretty much usually, my time does not align with His…I’m not kidding, I just want to give it all up and change this lost, broken world…Not caring about possession…Not caring about external appearances…Not caring about what I am, only who I am in Christ…This could mean being a youth pastor as God seems to be calling me to be…It could mean giving up everything I have and living on the streets or as a missionary somewhere…Heck, why not both? Ha…

I want to do something that is bound to fail unless divinely intervened…

“Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”
Ephesians 5:14