Sunday, April 18, 2010

My Life at Four in the Morning...


...Those words haven't left me for two months, when I first REALLY read them...And how have I adhered to them? In my eyes, terribly...Still though, I feel like taking over the world when I read them...The problem enlies with the action to back up the emotion...

It's three-thirty in the morning...I'm in my dark dorm room...My roommate is sleeping, (or at least close to)...And I'm left wondering how I have let myself get to the point I am at...

Maybe I'm too hard on myself...Maybe I don't let God's grace cover me enough...Maybe having an earthly father who doesn't say "I LOVE YOU" has affected me in some area of my life...Maybe I see every flaw in my life and focus on it until I dislike myself...

Well shoot, that doesn't make any sense...If I focus on the problem, then it's like driving a car...If you focus on the ditch on the side of the road, your car will end up in the ditch...

Well...How many times has my car gone into the ditch?

A few weeks back my buddy Brad and I spoke at a youth weekend thing in northern Michigan...I decided to start the weekend off by telling the story of Job and how Job thought he knew what was best...

See, all this crap happened to Job that I'm not sure we could all handle...So he questions God's motives and asks where God is at...He doesn't renounce God, only questions Him...So then chapter 38 comes, where God replies to Job's questioning...In short, God calls Job out, asking...

"Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?
Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you, and you shall answer me.
Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone- while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?
Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb,
When I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness,
When I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place?"

Wow...And there is another three chapters of God replying...Calling Job out...Questioning what ground Job has to stand on to question God...

Here's what I'm getting at...

God doesn't need us.

But He wants us.

But wait...I've screwed up hardcore this month...this week...this day...My confidence is the size of a peanut...I'm not worth using for anything meaningful...I can't even call my sisters once a week to tell them that they are worth much more than this world tells them...I can't even stop my struggle with lustful thoughts...Why in this world would I be used by God?

Oh wait...because 2 Corinthians says: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. FOR WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN I AM STRONG."

Well crap...

Looks like God uses broken, defiled, small, weak people for His glory...



Friday, April 02, 2010

Bí Thusa 'mo Shúile

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.