Sunday, February 17, 2008

I Don't Feel Right...

I don't feel right in my own skin sometimes...I feel like I am not being myself...This is weird for me too, because I usually am pretty open about who I am, and loud :)...For some reason I feel held back lately...I feel like I can't just be my normal crazy self who everyone says hi to and hugs...Maybe it is because my struggle to put God in the forefront has been hard lately...Maybe it is because I am letting myself fall on my own in places I know I need help...Maybe it is because I have no clue what I am doing at this thing called life...Maybe I'm scared of what tomorrow will bring...Maybe I need to stop whining about these things and just ask God daily what plans he has for me...Let God just breathe through me...Who am I to dictate what God's will is for my life? Who I am to think God's will won't get done just because I say no...He'll use someone else then...But deep down in my heart I know I want to be smack-dab in the middle of His plan, because I have been there before and enjoyed life so much at that time...Even if I was going through struggle the same then as now...I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was all God's plan for me to go through what I was going through...I also knew that God was throwing some awesome things into my life...Now these same things may be happening, in fact they probably are, but I can't see them anymore...I can't see His plan as I once could...It sucks...All I want to do is change the world for God...I want to use the passions He has instilled in me and go absolutely nuts...I was like that once...It was sweet...I'm not saying I am terrible now...I'm just saying that I really miss that fire I once had...I know faith is not always about feeling and emotions...I have already learned that the hard way...I just am saying that I miss some of that...

Nonetheless, I know the Big Man Upstairs is there...I have branched my faith out beyond the emotional high stage and have come to the point where I am just going to keep searching for the direction He wants me to go...I will keep holding onto what I love to do because I know those things are there for a reason...I also will make more of an effort to put myself in situations to hear Him and receive this guidance and Love I desire so much...Please Lord save me from myself...

There’s a darkness in my skin
My cover’s wearing thin, I believe
I’d love to start again, go back to innocent
And never leave

Don’t give up now
A break in the clouds
We could be found
There’s nothing wrong with me
It’s just that I believe things could get better
And there’s nothing wrong with love
I think it’s just enough to believe

Rescue is coming

////David Crowder* Band- Rescue Is Coming