Who Am I?

Ok…so…lately I have been struggling to find who I am...I have been getting into this mindset where I want to be really different…Different in the sense of not being mainstream, trying to do things in a new way…This is how I was going about the whole church thing…I have been reading about all these people doing things that are considered normal “church” and have really been inspired by them…The problem is, I have been jumping on the bandwagon with limited supplies, limited support and a blind ambition, so to say…As the last post I put on goes along with, I want change in the way I do things and the way people think of Christians, as well as how Christians are portrayed in this world…Sometimes I just get sick of the way people “do” church and don’t live like Jesus would…But, I really have forgotten all the wonderful things about the church today…I have forgotten where my foundation was built…There are so many churches that are wonderful and filled with true Jesus followers…I allowed myself to get caught up in blaming and judging the church by the bad ones….
I also have fallen into the ministry trap…Wait, that sounded bad, so let me explain…I help with my old high school youth group as a freshmen adult leader and I also play in the worship band…Problem number 2 was that I was doing stuff for God kind of empty-heartedly…At the beginning my heart was in it very strong, then I started losing that and just did these things because they are “good” things to do…Then I read this chapter in a book called Buck Naked Faith by Eric Sandras and it hit me…I was no longer letting the spirituality of the things take over…Here’s an excerpt from it…

“Are you so consumed with trying to do something for God that you aren’t allowing room to just be God’s? You can take the most mundane and even despised task and turn it into a glorifying kingdom experience. This perspective opens the heavens so that God’s life-giving reign can satiate your emotional dryness. It’s a perspective of humility and surrender. If you find yourself at such a place, treasure this time.”

See, I was doing these things because they were really fun things to do…They were easy for me to glorify God through…I didn’t have to work hard…Things like school and my family, which are harder for me to glorify God in, I shoved aside and didn’t fuse all parts of my life into one, into The One…No more…Now it’s time to kick myself in the rear and get to work for God… I am still going to do the church ministry things I do…just now they will be a piece of the puzzle to who I am in God…All pieces must be put together to see the whole picture…

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus: Who, being in the very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant…"
Philippians 2:5-7