Behind Me Lies Another Fallen Soldier...

Pretty much how I'm feeling...

I want to bring You all that is in my heart
I want to bring You my everything
But I've failed You so many times
How can I stand here before You
When I begin to steal what only belongs to You
I am able to bring You nothing that isn't already Yours
I am so ashamed of what I ever called my own
Take what I have, take these broken remains
What can I give You that You don't already deserve
You laid down Your life when I refused to give mine


Song By: As I Lay Dying

Gahh...Life...

So here how it goes...I love hockey...I also love to serve God...In order to play high level hockey, I have to go to a community college...In order to serve God in the way I know how and the way I think he wants me to, I need to go to Spring Arbor University...I will learn a ton about youth ministry and I will grow a ton spiritually and socially, as I will be living in a dorm...I know you are thinking, "Duh Jake, just go to the place that sounds like it will be great." Problem: Spring Arbor cost nine times more than the community college...And money is a huge obstacle right now...I could stay at community college and still hang at SAU...but I will miss out on so much I know...I really miss hockey and I know that even that could be a ministry of some kind...Just maybe I have in mind my needs and wants first, like being able to play division 3 college hockey in front of full stands and have people recognize you...I still can glorify God like crazy through it, just, I wrestle with what I really should already know...

All I really want to do is change the freaking world one kid at a time...I know God has this massive plan in store for me and I know I will go nuts with it...There is now way it will be a boring ride (not that life is about fun)...I just want to know that what I am doing is 100% right sometimes, and I really need to just hang onto God and know that as long as I follow and serve Him I really can't go wrong...

Holy crap life is confusing...



Love God, love others, nothing else matters.

A Letter From God...

Dear Son,

Before the beginning of time I knew you. I knew what color your eyes would be, and I could hear the sound of your laughter. Like a proud father who carries a picture of his son, I carried the image of you in my eyes, for you were created in my image. Before the beginning of time, I chose you. I spoke your name into the heavens and I smiled as its melody resounded off the walls of my heart.

You are mine. My love for you extends farther than the stars in the sky, and deeper then any ocean. You are my child of great price, the one for whom I gave everything. I cradle you in the palm of my hand. I love you even in the face of your failure. Nothing you say or do can cause me to stop loving you. I will never give up on you. Run from me-I will love you. Reject me-I will love you. Reject yourself-I will love you. You see, my love was slain before the foundations of the world, and I have never regretted the sacrifice I made for you when I died.

When I see every part of who you are, I marvel at the work of my hands, for i have whispered words of longing and desire, and you came into existence. You are awesome, and I take pleasure in you-heart, mind, and body. You are my desire. When you turn your head in shame and despise what I have made, still I reach for you, even if you don't know it. You are my most wanted and I am yours.

Love,
Your Heavenly Father


P.S. Let's talk sometime. I am always here to listen. Anytime. Anywhere.