I Want...God...

I want…Is that the right approach? There’s all these things I want to do and be, but do they align with God? Am I creating my own kingdom instead of trying to expand God’s? Still a little clueless on college choices too…Speak Lord, and I’ll listen…
So I have this devo book, My Utmost for His Highest, and on the day, I wrote the paragraph above, I read this for the day’s scripture…It kind of hit home like non other…
“We have any number of visions and ideals when we are young, but sooner or later we find that we have no power to make them real…We cannot do the things we long to do, and we are apt to settle down to the visions and ideals as dead, and God has to come and say- ‘Arise from the dead’…When the inspiration of God does come, it comes with such miraculous power that we are able to arise from he dead and do the impossible thing…God does not give us overcoming life, he gives us life as we overcome…When the inspiration of God comes, and He says “Arise from the dead,” we have to get up, God does not lift us up…”
This all hit home pretty hard with me…I really have been struggling with doing things just because they are fun or enjoyable…Even ministry things…I have lost some of the heart of why I do what I do…Worship band, Freshman leader, and just plain having people look up to me…Mind-blowing actually that people will do that…As Uncle Ben said, “With great power comes great responsibility”… Not being a self-centered short kid here, but I was not modeling who I want to and should be in God…Never know who’s looking (God perhaps :) ...
I also really wonder what it is that God has in store for me…I want to change the world, and yet I really have somewhat of no clue how to…Honestly, I know I should pray and listen for God to nudge me and point my spiritual compass, it’s just so freakin hard sometimes because pretty much usually, my time does not align with His…I’m not kidding, I just want to give it all up and change this lost, broken world…Not caring about possession…Not caring about external appearances…Not caring about what I am, only who I am in Christ…This could mean being a youth pastor as God seems to be calling me to be…It could mean giving up everything I have and living on the streets or as a missionary somewhere…Heck, why not both? Ha…

I want to do something that is bound to fail unless divinely intervened…

“Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”
Ephesians 5:14

After The World...

There's this band...Disciple...there pretty good, check em out...Anyways...they have this song called "After The World"...Probably one of the best songs I have ever heard in my life...Lyrics, music, and meaning; all come together to make for one nice thought provoking session and reflection on who we are in Christ's eyes and why He did what He did...This song just kind of hit me between the eyes one day as I realized there is NOTHING, EVER that can come between the love He has for us...Things can come between our love for Him if we let them, but never the other way around...He is so huge and so amazing that everything our being consist of is wonderful in His eyes...Hence the fact that we are made in His image...But this song kind of comes back to our questioning God and the things He did, does, and will do for us...Specifically when Jesus was on the cross, which is the perspective this song was written from...Of course, the lyrics themselves can speak better, so I will let them take over...


You break the glass, try to hide your face
Recorded lines that just will not erase
And buried in your loss of innocence
You wonder if you’ll find it again

Was I there for the worst of all your pain?
And was I there when your blue skies ran away?
Was I there when the rains were flooding you off your feet?
Those were My tears falling down for you, falling down for you

(Chorus)
I’m the One that you’ve been looking for
I’m the One that you’ve been waiting for
I’ve had My eyes on you ever since you were born
I will love you after the rain falls down
I will love you after the sun goes out
I’ll have My eyes on you after the world is no more

Did I arrange the light of your first day?
Did I create the rhythm your heart makes?
Could you believe when your candle starts to fade?
I want to be the One that you believe
Could take it all away, take your heart away

(Chorus)

Isn’t My life a clear sign since I have crossed over this chasm
To fill the space between Me and you?
And I will do it all over again
Just look for Me, just wait for Me

The One you’ve been looking for
The One you’ve been waiting for
You won’t have to look anymore

Help, Oh God...

My future=Unsure...I just have to let this out that I have no idea what I am to do next year...I have applied to seven colleges to go to after this year at Jackson Community College...I even am unsure about what I want to do, even though it should seem so clear...I think I am going into Youh Ministry to be a youth pastor...I love high school kids and really love to "teach" people things about God...Countless people have even told me I would be a good youth pastor...Next problem...What college? Do I go to college? I know the answer is 99.9% yes as far as going to college, because I won't survive this world without a degree (or two), but as far as where to go I really am now not as sure as I once was...My worry is that if I go to one college, I will wonder what life could have been like at another one of them...It's like, I will regret my decision and not have fun at the college I am at...Will it even matter where I go? Does God have one place He wants me? I also am wrestling with the fact that I want to just give up everything and live for God with no attachements...I just want to have only Him and not worry about worldly things...Basically, no college...But then I think..."What if He wants me as a crazy, down-to-earth youth pastor who can reach out to the kids who seemingly can't be reached?" That would be amazing...I do realize though, that I am underestimating God and what He has in my future...I am trying to put Him in a box and say, "There is no way I could ever do that or even want to be that..." I do know though, that I have to REALLY put all trust in God for it to work out and have Him point me in whatever direction is the best....

Here we go...the ride of my life...

Under The Overpass...

So I started this book Under The Overpass the other day...I really have to put it up there in my top few books ever...This dude Mike and his friend Sam decided to be homeless for five months...Ha...I thought that it was nuts when I first heard it too...Their idea was to see if their faith in God could exist when all the comforts of an average life were taken...Sounds a little bland in typing right now, but I tell you this book is changing my perspective on Christianity...What they found out was that people virtually ignore and pretend you don't exist when you are below what they consider to be human...The worst part is, "church" people were in that category almost as much as "non-church"...The guys slept in front of a church one night assuming they would be woken by people going into it in the morning...What they woke up to though, was the sounds of voices singing worship songs...As it turns out, everyone had gone around to a side door to avoid having to confront these two homeless dudes...Not saying every church is like this, but more often than not, the ones who were supposed to be loving and caring toward the "worst" humans, the church, were not...There were some that took them in and were friendly, but too mnay times they were looked at as scum of the earth...It seems to me that there is something in this world that makes us afraid to get outside our little bubble of comfort and actually do what Jesus said to do on His terms, not ours...Jesus hung out with the prostitutes, lepers, and shunned people of His time...No I know I have to be the change I want to see in the world, which is why I am thinking about doing this sometime in the next few years, but I just had to get some of this out...There will be plenty later....