Wonder...

I am one of those people who loves to know how things work…I love taking apart things and putting them back together…Not only little machines and such, but life itself…I always seem to have to know why things happen the way they do…Problem here…I carry it over into my spiritual life, and that can create some problems…I sometimes question God’s motives as if I know better than Him…I sometimes wonder why He did something the way He did, or why He created something…
Wonder…Ha…Funny word that one is…It means that something has some mystery to it and makes you sit and dwell over why it exists…Faith is kind of like that I guess…I mean, you base your life around something that more or less can’t be physical touched or grasped…You put all trust you have into something bigger physical, mentally, and spiritually than you…That doesn’t sounds too bad eh?
That is why I do not understand some people’s approached to God (mine occasionally)… “Many have abandoned the great mysteries of faith and the passionate pursuit of love and holiness in order to pursue a more rationalistic approach to the Bible and God.” (Buck Naked Faith) It’s like people are trying to water down something because it fits into their box they call life, while so much more is going on around them that much bigger than themselves…They don’t want to think about the fact that they may not understand everything about God…They may not get why He is what He is…
I really think that a part of faith is in the mystery…A part of believing Jesus is who He said He was is knowing that there are things about it that are unattainable for a human to grasp… “Is it possible to stare in wonder or bow in awe, regardless of understanding?” I mean, come on…A dude dies on a tree with nails through his body so that we get to spend forever in a place more awesome than a million human minds could comprehend together…FOREVER…That’s a very long time by the way, and if you really think about it, your head may start hurting… :)
It’s my lack of understanding sometimes that makes me love believing in Jesus as my savior…It makes the growing and maturing process more of an adventure and less of a arithmetic manufacturing process…I enjoy not being able to wrap my head around things sometimes and getting my mind blown by God…

Who Am I?

Ok…so…lately I have been struggling to find who I am...I have been getting into this mindset where I want to be really different…Different in the sense of not being mainstream, trying to do things in a new way…This is how I was going about the whole church thing…I have been reading about all these people doing things that are considered normal “church” and have really been inspired by them…The problem is, I have been jumping on the bandwagon with limited supplies, limited support and a blind ambition, so to say…As the last post I put on goes along with, I want change in the way I do things and the way people think of Christians, as well as how Christians are portrayed in this world…Sometimes I just get sick of the way people “do” church and don’t live like Jesus would…But, I really have forgotten all the wonderful things about the church today…I have forgotten where my foundation was built…There are so many churches that are wonderful and filled with true Jesus followers…I allowed myself to get caught up in blaming and judging the church by the bad ones….
I also have fallen into the ministry trap…Wait, that sounded bad, so let me explain…I help with my old high school youth group as a freshmen adult leader and I also play in the worship band…Problem number 2 was that I was doing stuff for God kind of empty-heartedly…At the beginning my heart was in it very strong, then I started losing that and just did these things because they are “good” things to do…Then I read this chapter in a book called Buck Naked Faith by Eric Sandras and it hit me…I was no longer letting the spirituality of the things take over…Here’s an excerpt from it…

“Are you so consumed with trying to do something for God that you aren’t allowing room to just be God’s? You can take the most mundane and even despised task and turn it into a glorifying kingdom experience. This perspective opens the heavens so that God’s life-giving reign can satiate your emotional dryness. It’s a perspective of humility and surrender. If you find yourself at such a place, treasure this time.”

See, I was doing these things because they were really fun things to do…They were easy for me to glorify God through…I didn’t have to work hard…Things like school and my family, which are harder for me to glorify God in, I shoved aside and didn’t fuse all parts of my life into one, into The One…No more…Now it’s time to kick myself in the rear and get to work for God… I am still going to do the church ministry things I do…just now they will be a piece of the puzzle to who I am in God…All pieces must be put together to see the whole picture…

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus: Who, being in the very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant…"
Philippians 2:5-7

Who is a true Christian?

I was visiting one of my favorite bands sites, Underoath, the other day, and I ran across a blog entry by one of my idols, their guitarist Timmy McTague...I really have never heard anyone say something that is so close to how I feel and how I think...This entry pretty much hits dead on in my "beliefs" and outlook...Here ya go:


Nov 24, 2006 - Who is a true Christian? - Timmy

It seems no matter what is said, or done on this website I see and hear of people wondering/speculating/ judging who is a christian and who isn't. I honestly don't even want to give this subject anymore of a spotlight but i feel like a lot of you are wondering who Underoath is, and who I am , and who we are as people and Christians, and how that applies to our lives. I feel a true Christian is someone who loves other people before themselves and loves God with everything. My goal in life isn't to go through life never drinking a beer, or not saying certain words...it's loving people and learning how to be a positive influence in people's lives. If you're looking at us to fit the squeaky clean mold that the Christian right has set before us as the status quo, I think it's time for you to sign off of this website for good. We are real dudes with real problems. If you want perfect people then you are always going to be disappointed..if you want to feel like you're a perfect person and are surrounded by perfect people, then go into %90 of the churches that exist in our country where sexual addiction doesn't exist, or drug use doesn't exist, or drinking doesn't exist....I have news for you....the only time that stuff doesn't exist is for 45 minutes on Sunday morning. NOBODY is perfect, and no one ever will be...if you think someone is your being lied to or you're lying to yourself. There's nothing wrong with someone drinking, or listening to whatever they want, or wearing whatever they want. I'd rather have a few beers with my friends and get real with them on issues and struggles rather than fake perfection and never really get anywhere with anyone. I care about poverty, the environment, homeless people, my friends lives, my girlfriend's heart and life, my family, social injustices.....so on and so forth. I am not concerned about who drank what, and who smokes, or who said ass the other night. We are not twelve years old...it's time to stop acting like we are. Look past the five steps of being a good Christian that your youth leader told you and start getting real. There's people that are killing themselves right now because nobody talks about problems. People feel like they are alone in struggles because nobody is willing to admit their own flaws. Everyone gets trapped in this social prison and in turn are pushed further and further down until they are helpless. I drink with my friends, I mess up with my girlfriend, my mouth isn't the cleanest thing in the world, homosexual people don't offend me, I don't agree with George Bush and the war we are in....and the list goes on. I feel like this journal entry is so elementary, but i feel like this issue needs to be dealt with. Until we're ok with not being ok, we're never going to get anywhere. I'm as messed up as anyone that is reading this, if not more. The only thing I know is that anything of any real value or worth in my life is not of my own accord but Christ in me. Jesus ate 'unclean' meet, drank wine with his friends, hung out with people that didn't fit the contemporary christian molds of old, and he got heat for it..but it was the right thing to do..the real thing to do. There was only one true Christian and that was Jesus. He cared about the homeless, the widow, and the orphans more than fitting into the Christian box..so that's what i will do. I'm sure there will be post after post of outraged 'christians' who are burning their UO cd's and furious because this isn't what they wanted to hear. I have a hard time loving those people, but I'm trying. Usually when I see those posts I laugh and joke with my friends about how stupid people can be, and for that I'm sorry, but this time I wanted to be transparent in hopes that some clarity and headway could be made on these topics. If not I guess there will be an extreme surge of Underoath cd's in the local record shop's used bin...so if you don't have a lot of money and want any of our records then wait about a week after this is posted and hit up the cd shops...you're bound to find what you're looking for. I love you all...and I almost forgot...Happy Thanksgiving!!! By the way...Aaron is going to be doing an Almost tour in January and all of you guys should go out and see him...check his site for more details!!!! I love you all...even you.

SOURCE: underoath777.com

All Over The Place...

Well…Gotta say I am a little not confused, but asking some questions…Had conversation at work with a guy who is not a Christian, but is very spiritual and believes wholeheartedly in God, I’m not sure which God though, Christian, Allah, or his own…Anyways, he went through some crap and messed himself up a bit and swears God turned him around…As he said, God “hit with a 2 x 4 in the head in a loving way”…I found that funny…I believe him though…I really believe God smoked him right in the head with a board and straightened him out…
Another issue…this guy has a huge problem with religions and hates the three main ones the most…He thinks Christians are a bunch of hypocritical, clicky, narrow-minded people…He thinks the Muslims are a bunch of radical nutballs…“Who is anyone to say what way is right and wrong?” he asked me…”Who are we to say what the right way to live is?” He told me that is you are striving to be the best person you can be and are a good member of this world (not society because he hates society for personal reasons…I do too frankly…) then you will be judged accordingly…Interestingly enough he thinks Jesus was a wonderful man, but he just hates the people Jesus hangs around with…Needless to say it was a good conversation…We agreed on the fact that Christians suck and that judging someone seems to be a way of life now in the world…But it just left me thinking, is Christianity the way? Now, I am not abandoning my faith, for in James, I think, it said that the testing of our faith develops perseverance…But what if?
Interestingly enough, this guy is gay…Would have mattered is he were straight though?

A Fall to Grace...

First off…if you can…read the article “A Fall to Grace” by Ed Young in the latest issue of RELEVANT Magazine…This entry is inspired a little by that article…

Once again I am brought back to the beauty of grace…Lately I have been putting God in a box again…A very small one…For some reason I thought that this thing God has called grace is an exhaustible source…Ha…are you kidding? It’s pretty much the opposite…God has an bottomless source of grace, one of the hardest things for the human mind to comprehend and fathom…I have been “screwing up” so much lately and not doing my “normal God stuff” that I my mind has wandered to an almost inescapable place of self-righteousness and self-pity…I have tried to fix my so called “bad-feeling” my own way…Pretending I prayed, pretending I did the Christian thing, and actually succeeding in tricking myself into thinking I was doing fine…I am reminded of how my friend Jeremy Slager used to tell me about when he argued with himself and lost…I used to think that was rubbish until recently (try it sometime, it’s an interesting experience :)…
Probably at the root of all these feelings are thoughts that limit God to nothing short of a horoscope...Specifically his grace…I put my sin and the grace of God on an equal plane, and this is completely unjustified…”But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many!” Romans 6:15…
To think that you have sinned so badly and so many times that God wants nothing to do with you and will never forgive or enter your heart again is to spit on the foot of the cross Jesus himself was crucified on…If you think you have screwed up, not matter how big or small, and then you enter into a wallow of darkness and a state of feeling sorry for yourself, and then think that God doesn’t love you let alone like you, your understanding of God is wrong and misguided…The beauty of grace is that it overcomes ANY sin to complete yourself as a child of God and fills in the hole in your heart where nothing else can…God wants to be a part of your life so badly that he endured the pain of watching his son beaten, tortured, and have nails driven through his wrists amid blood that was shed for every human to ever live…Try to put that one in a box somewhere…

Just let go and let the One who knows you better than yourself take over…completely…

“But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Christ our Lord.”
Romans 6:20-21