Thursday, January 26, 2012

Because He Lives...

This is rocking my world right now. Stripped down. Simple. I know it is a reboot of an old song, but I am loving old stuff more and more as I move on in my journey towards Christ.

I think maybe we lose some of simple daddy-like qualities of God in American Christianity.

These lyrics hit in a way that CCM cannot match.


Give it a listen.







"God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?"
_Romans 8:14-15_(The Message)

Monday, January 23, 2012

Sunshine, Come And Help Me See...

The fight once committed to, has to be for the rest of one's life.

It's a commitment to fight evil as old as time. The battle isn't always flesh and blood, but one of the spirit and one of endurance. For the enemy will never tire, until he is bound for good by the Master.






"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
_2 Timothy 4:7_

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Zombies, Wine, and Christian Music

This is a blog post by Michael Gungor, head of the band Gungor. It makes me warm and fuzzy inside. Read his blog HERE.


Zombies, Wine, and Christian Music

When you are in a touring band, there is a lot of time that is spent waiting. Waiting to board a plane, waiting for the bus to arrive at the venue, waiting for sound check…etc One of the many games that people in our band have implemented now and then to fill the waiting time is a little game we might call the “Christian or secular” game. Basically the game is simply playing a very short clip of music and having someone guess whether it is “Christian” or “secular” music. The person who is most accurate with his or her guesses is the winner.

This is surprisingly easy to do.

Especially when you talk about radio stations. It is easy for me to spot a Christian music radio station within about 3 seconds. Far before any Christian lingo is uttered to make it clear.

It’s weird. I’m always trying to figure out what it is that makes something sound like Christian music, because there’s definitely something… I’d love to get some of your thoughts about it. But for me (and I’m actually one of the better players of the game if I must say so myself), I find something very disingenuous about most Christian music. This is something I can simply feel at a gut level. If I hear a song, and I hear any sort of pretending or false emotion, that’s a good first indicator. I’m really not trying to throw mud here, I’m being honest at how I am good at this game. Christian music often has a sheen to it that other music doesn’t have. Some pop and country music has a similar sheen, but the Christian sheen is like a blander sheen somehow.

The vocals are always really hot in the mix because for Christian music, the words are the most important part. That’s kind of similar to country though as well, so you have to be careful there. Country has some of the same Nashville tones, players, and compression styles that Christian music has most of the time, but the twang is just a little deeper with the country side of things. There’s also a little more “humanness” or “soul” in Country to my ears.

The false emotion that I’m talking about might be familiar to some of you. There’s just something more believable about the whispery sexy voice that is singing about sex on the mainstream radio station than the voice that copies that style of singing while putting lyrics in about being in the arms of Jesus. And it’s really not even the style or the lyric that is the problem to me, it’s the fact that I don’t believe that the singer is feeling the kind of emotions in singing that lyric that would lead to that style of singing. It’s that same kind of creep out that you feel when somebody gives a really loud fake laugh. It’s just weird and uncomfortable feeling.

An example of this would be a song that somebody sent us recently of an older song of mine called “Wrap Me In Your Arms.” The lyric is a very intimate and soft sort of lyric. “Take me to that place where I can be with you, you can make me like you…etc” This person did a hardcore/screamo version of this song. Not just like getting a little loud, I mean full out death metal sounding, demon-voiced screaming. It was so freaking weird mostly because it seemed so disingenuous. You would never speak such gentle words to someone you loved by screaming in their face like you were possessed by Beelzebub. That’s an extreme example, but it’s very typical of the basic premise of most Christian music to me, which is–use whatever musical style you wish as a medium to communicate your message. It’s not about the art, it’s about the message. So use whatever tools and mediums you have at your fingertips to do so. If you want to reach emo kids, then sing emo music but with Jesus language. The problem with this is that emo music is not simply reducible to certain sounding tones and chords. There are emotions and attitudes of different genres of music that are the soul of the music. You can’t remove the anger from screamo and have it still be screamo. It’s the soul of that music, whether that soul is good or evil is not the point, simply that it is the soul. So when you remove the soul from music and transplant the body parts (chord changes, instrumentation, dress, lights, and everything but the soul…) and parade it around with some more “positive” lyrics posing as Christian music, then what you have is a musical zombie.

It looks like a human.. It eats like a human… It still walks and makes noise and resembles a human, but it’s not. It’s a zombie. It has no soul. It just uses it’s human body for its own purposes.

This is what I initially feel when I play the “Christian or secular” game. I look into its eyes, and I perceive whether the thing has a soul or not. And 9 times out of ten, I can do it very quickly and efficiently.

Why is this like this? I don’t know, and it makes me very sad. I don’t hate all Christian music. There are a few artists that I know in the Christian industry that are really trying to transcend the inherent limitations and zombying effect of the industry. But the industry as a whole is broken, friends. We call it Christian, but it’s certainly not based in Christianity. It is based on marketing. That’s it. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but it wouldn’t be true.

Example:

We just were part of one of the biggest tours of the fall in the Christian music industry. To my knowledge, every night but one night was sold out, and that’s because they added a second show in the same city kind of last minute. The interesting thing about this tour was that it was pretty much in all mainstream venues. Clubs, theatres…etc It was awesome.

But you know what made me sad? That empty bar every night.

Even though these shows were all sold out, I would imagine that the bartenders at all those clubs were like “oh man, Christian night… that means no tips for me.”

Sometimes the promoters would just buy out the bar so there wouldn’t be any liquor sales at all.

I’m not saying that I wished that everybody was getting hammered at the show… But for crying out loud, buy one beer. Or heck, if you don’t drink beer, buy a Coke.

But here’s what is super weird about this situation. I bet you if you took all of those Christians that came to the shows and split them up and had them go to “secular” shows, A LOT of them would have bought a drink. It’s the fact that there is this assumption among all of the Christians there that having a drink at a Christian event is sort of a questionable thing to do.

Why is this?

It’s certainly not because of the Bible. Jesus’ first miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding. And not just any wine. The kind of wine that made people think they saved the very best wine until the end. And you preachers who pervert the scriptures with your own extremely biased interpretations, here’s a news flash, people at parties don’t think the best wine is non-alcoholic grape juice. Religious people didn’t call Jesus “a glutton and a drunkard” because he ate communion loafers and grape juice all of the time.

Sheesh. It’s just so ridiculous to me.

And here’s the thing. I don’t even drink very much. I’ve never really been drunk, and I’m not advocating that people should just be foolish with their drinking or eating habits. But for crying out loud, this whole spiritualizing of alcohol being an inherently bad thing is so annoying. It’s mostly just an American thing, by the way (as well as places where America has exported these ideas with our missionaries). If you go most other places in the world, or anywhere else in history for that matter, Christians drink alcohol. Ever heard of a little thing called Communion? You know, the bread and the wine? That’s a pretty big deal in Christianity. Jesus didn’t pour out a cup of grape juice.

Man alive.

You know what the alcohol thing is based on? You ready for this? You sure?

Money.

Old people are the people that give the most money to Christian organizations like religious media outlets. And old people grew up in a time where alcohol was seen as a taboo social reality. Just like dancing or playing cards or “mixed bathing” (swimming). It’s based in an era of prohibition. These are old American values that we’re dealing with, not Christian values. It’s the old American people that have money that the Christian organizations do not want to offend. So they create an environment where drinking is seen as evil. If you want to start a television ministry, you can’t have it known to your donors that your staff likes to go out for drinks after work. So you implement rules for them. Do you know how common this is? I have friends that have lost their jobs over crap like this.

Do you see the irony of this? If you had been a disciple of Jesus and drank some of the wine of his first recorded miracle with him, you would be fired from a lot of the churches in this country. Shame on us.

So the point? (I haven’t forgotten) The point is that the industry that labels things as Christian and sells them to you has far more to do with marketing then Christianity. They are marketing to the mixed bag of values that has created the Evangelical Christian subculture. It’s a mix of some historically Christian values, some American values, and a whole lot of cultural boundary markers that set “us” apart from “them.” This sort of system makes us feel safe and right, and it makes some of its gatekeepers very wealthy and powerful.

The effect is then the filtering down of this subculture to people that don’t necessarily want to think through the viability of every one of these boundary markers, but in their simple desire to belong to what they consider the good guys, they acquiesce to the rules handed to them. At least in public. As the joke goes, why do you take two Baptists with you when you go fishing? Because if you only bring one, he’ll drink all your beer.

Here are some of the actual effects of this subculture though.

1. It makes us dishonest

When the foundation of the market and music you are trying to make is pretense, it’s very hard to be honest and successful. There is an unspoken assumption from most of us that we really want the people on the stage or on the book or album cover or on the radio need to have it together more than we do. Because we are messed up, we need them to be a sort of savior and hope for us. The result of this is that it’s often the people who are really good at pretending that they have it all together that make it to the stage and the book or album cover and the radio stations.

So Christians that would normally buy a beer don’t because they are in the Christian concert. Christian bands that smoke (which a lot of them if not most of them do, including some of my players) have to duck into back alleys as to not offend anybody. I think smoking is stupid. But I think it’s stupid because it smells bad and it kills you. I don’t use my religion to judge other people about it.

Rather than just being honest about where we are at and what we all struggle with though, we look to our gatekeepers to believe and live morally vicariously for us. That way we feel better about being part of the system of good, and the moral brokenness in our own lives is repressed like the fear of a child with her security blanket.

This sort of dishonesty is at the heart of much of what I and so many others find so repulsive about much of modern American Christendom

2. It kills creativity

I had a conversation with John Mark McMillan last night about something that I think is very interesting. By the way, I consider John Mark to be one of the ones I consider to be making a valiant effort in transcending some of these imposed limitations in this industry. But he mentioned to me how strange it is that people keep calling his new album “creative.” That word is actually one of the most used words when people describe our music as well. In fact, I bet some of you reading this have described as such. Here’s the weird thing about this…

Why do you find it necessary to say that?

Do you notice that nobody really uses that word about other types of music? I just was perusing some Itunes user reviews to see if this holds up. I checked John Mark and mine, and “creativity” is very often found. But it’s not often found in reviews of bands like Sigur Ros, Bon Iver, Radiohead, Sufjan Stevens or other artists who are certainly very “creative.”

Nobody goes to an art gallery and says, “boy, that painting is so creative.” Why? Because it’s art! Of course it’s creative! Why else would it be there? It’s very nature is creativity. Or like Lisa pointed out to me today, “that would be like saying, I love your house, it’s so architectural.”

But when someone in the Christian industry actually takes their art seriously, everybody is like “holy crap, listen to how creative it is!”

It’s like a person that’s been living among zombies for years seeing an actual human being and exclaiming, “wow, look at how clean her face is! She doesn’t even have any blood on it or anything!”

I’m not slamming the people that describe our music as creative. I appreciate the kindness that’s behind the words, but it does make me sad that the idea of creativity is so foreign to our industry that we have to actually point it out when someone actually sees the art as art and not zombie propaganda. Ok, that might have been a little much. But I like the sentence so I’ll leave it.

So that’s why I’m good at the Christian or secular game. I’ve seen behind the curtain, and I know the little man that’s pulling the levers, and he’s not impressive. I recognize his voice at this point, and it’s all over religious media.

Why am I writing this blog?

Some of you have commented in the past when I’ve been critical of the Christian music industry that I’m being hypocritical by still being a part of it. I don’t see it that way. I actually love a lot of the individual people in the industry. There really are some amazing people in it, many of who share my weariness about the way things have been. And I also love you guys. I love our fans. I love the people that we get to meet and I love being able to get our music to them. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try our best to purify the systems that we are part of. I just want to be honest about what I see and call us to find better ways of doing things.

Two quick recommendations and I’ll stop this blog that has already gone on WAY too long:

Consumers: I would suggest that you actively support those artists that you love that the industry hasn’t necessarily bought into. The cards are stacked against people that actually want to do honest creative art in this industry, and the people that try really need your direct help and support to have any chance. For us, we’ve had one guy for instance that has been sending us a check every month for years because he appreciates what we are trying to do. Do you know how much that one family has helped us stay encouraged? Even if it’s not a huge amount of money or anything, just having people behind you in this sort of battle is really helpful.

Industry people: Stop being so afraid. I know you want things to be different than they are as well. I know you want creativity to be valued as much as “Becky” analysis, but we need some of you to have some balls and make some decisions based on that value system. Yes money matters. But so does beauty. Art actually makes a difference in the world. Have the courage to actually make decisions on values and not simply on past numbers and trends. And for crying out loud, if it really is good, the numbers will follow eventually anyway.

Artists: Take heart. I think the tides may be turning. The recent attention and success of our band speaks to it I think. People are growing weary of the status quo. The machine and its sheen have seen its strongest days. So I encourage you as well to not be afraid. Your art is worth making even if the industry around you isn’t quite ready for it yet. Make it and let them catch up with you. Your art is sacred. Be honest. Be brave. And don’t let the markets or the industry be the final filter on your art, let your heart do that. Ok that’s all from me tonight.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

That Saved A Wretch Like Me...

Sometimes I forget the sweet sound of grace...

Sometimes I don't feel worthy of being saved...

Sometimes I still feel lost...

Sometimes I long to be found...

Sometimes I feel blind...

Sometimes I can't see my own hand in front of my face...

Monday, October 31, 2011

Thursday, September 08, 2011

There's No Place I Would Rather Be...


There’s no place I’d rather be,
There’s no place I’d rather be,
There’s no place I’d rather be,
Than here in Your Love.
Here in Your Love.

Set a fire down in my Soul
That I can’t contain and I can’t control.
I want more of You, God I want more of You, God.







amen.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Nothing Else Matters.

"He has cheated Hell and seated us above the fall.
In desperate places He paid our wages one time once and for all"

::John Mark McMillan::
::"Death In His Grave"::



"But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith."
::1 Corinthians 15:12-14::





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJDguHJ34SE

Saturday, August 27, 2011

The Lion.

"'Is- he a man?' asked Lucy.

'Aslan a man!' said Mr. Beaver sternly. "Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and son of the great Emperor-beyond-the-Sea. Don't you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion- the lion, the great Lion.'

'Ooh!'said Susan, 'I'd thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.'

'That you will dearie, and no mistake' said Mrs. Beaver; 'if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than me or else just silly.'

'Then he isn't safe?' asked Lucy.

'Safe?' said Mr. Beaver. 'Don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.'"

::C.S. Lewis
::The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe



I am the son of the Most High King.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Prone To Wander...

Brokenness is not weakness...Weakness is not evil...Weakness is not even weak...Please, please, give up your false notion that you have to be strong all the time...You cannot do it...You are prone to wandering and fading...You are not above sin...

I am prone to wandering...I try to hide my weakness...I fail...

Give it up.

Please.

Let it go.

Hold onto something that will not fail, falter, wander, give way or ever be weak.


Ever.



Be man enough to admit you can't do it alone.




"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." _2 Corinthians 12:9-10_

Saturday, August 06, 2011

Character & Integrity...

It has been one long dang time since I have written anything...

Another year older today...College over...Job hunting...Life...Alas...

I was given the opportunity to speak to a student body of fifteen hundred on my last day of chapel in my undergraduate career...I read and listened back over it recently and needed to hear the truths I spoke again for myself...Kind of a weird feeling getting told a new one by yourself...Anyways, here it is...Remember I am as broken as the next person and have trouble following my own advice...

-----------

Hi. I’m Jake and I think it’s funny when people get coffee drinks with skim milk and then ask for whip cream. I also want to ask you all to open your Bibles to Jeremiah 29:11 as I give a sermon taking the verse completely out of context…Just kidding…However, I am a senior who is about to walk at graduation this Saturday. In light of that, here’s a few things I have thought about, learned, observed, lived out, and not lived out, in my time here at college…
I’ve learned that character and integrity are much more important than they get credit for…I’ve learned that life is an inside job and we are not victims. Everyone has their own junk…On the outside we deal with those weaknesses by blaming things around ourselves, when we are truly the idiot… The problem is that we have to admit we are the idiot and we have to admit we want to change ourselves…
See, character is who you are when no one is looking. So let’s start with this. If I sign a contract that says I will follow certain guidelines while at this school, but break a few I personally disagree with, then my character is flawed in some way. See, I signed the contract, a bond, that said I would keep my word. I don’t care if you don’t agree with some of the rules, you still agreed to follow them. For the record, I am personally not above anyone for having followed or not followed the handbook while here. It’s not even about the typed ink on the paper anyway guys, and if you think it is, then you are missing it.
Not entirely related….Girls, I probably can’t fully understand what it means to have to wait on guys for us to take the initiative, but I do see some of the great lengths you girls go to wanting to get our attention. While it initially may be something you want, how you dress matters. Some of us want to treat you as God intended, we truly desire that, but when you’re not intentional in a positive way with the way you dress, as an example, you send us mixed messages. Respect yourself enough to not give us what our male desire wants. Save yourself for somebody. It’s worth it. It really is.
Guys, just because girls show you some cleavage or dress in other immodest ways, doesn’t give you an excuse to have a lack of self-control. However, all of us are tempted to act on carnal urges, in which we tend to treat women as objects if we let go on control and intentionality. But real men rise above carnal urges and treat women well; in a way they deserve. It takes a real man to have self-control and go completely against how culture says to look at women. And once again, I personally am not above this. I speak to you from a place of forced humility, as God has brought me, dragged me, a loooong way to where I am today. And if you guys don’t think that pornography will affect you, mentally and physically, the rest of your life, then you are dead. wrong. Every time you settle for a fake image of God’s beautiful creation, you create an expectation your wife will never live up to, because porn isn’t real love. Never, ever, sacrifice your future on the altar of the immediate.
Honestly guys, I want to be a perfect man, a man wholly surrendered to God…I really desire that…I desire to have solid character and integrity, and I do fail. You need to know that.…But, if we become a community that is seeking character moment by moment, then we become a people who can transform little tiny Spring Arbor…Jackson…Michigan…The U.S…The world…for Christ…We don’t become impactful when it is eleven o’clock at night and we’re in our third hour of Call of Duty or Halo, with two more to go…We don’t become impactful when it’s eleven o’clock at night and we have spent the last two hours gossiping about who we think is worth less than us on this campus…
We are impactful when we are followers of Christ cleverly disguised as something…I hope to be a follower of Christ disguised as a resident director of a college next year…I also still want to change the world…I want to do something that is bound to fail unless God intervenes…However, I have to change myself to the likeness of Christ before I can change the world…It’s an inside out job…
I was an RA for a year and half here, and the reason it was only one and a half years was because I tried to form myself from the outside in…I let my personality and reputation carry me into a second year of student leadership, and when I could no longer hide from my awful grades that were not characteristic of a committed student, I had to be let go of my position. In the middle of the year…I’m kind of embarrassed to share this too…It sucked. It really did. I cried for the first time in three or four years that night…I wish I would have had the depth of character to avoid that…God did use it…But I am telling you because we mature a little bit more when we spew our crap…
I mature a little bit more when I recognize my depravity and get in front of someone who loves me enough to tell me I’m an idiot, in love…James 5:16: Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” The person whom you confess to won’t let you off the hook, but they won’t beat you up either…And you can’t jump into the listener’s seat without ever having sat in the confessor’s seat…
For those of you going into ministry of any kind this summer, you are all followers of Christ cleverly disguised as a counselor, foreman, director, coach, lifeguard, and so on…Don’t say you are going to a camp this summer to get changed, or that you will get changed on whatever summer trip you have planned…Get changed now, with your roommate, with your best friend, with people whom you are close to…And do it today.
For everyone in this room, whether you care about God or not, it’s time to acknowledge the struggle. Everyone on this campus has crap?, from freshmen to the administration…You are not alone. You are also not as strong as you think, so stop thinking you are. Right now. Right this second. Stop pretending you have it together…Come on, no one does…But be encouraged in the community of brokenness that exists all around you. We all suck at life sometimes, but we are dragged back to our feet by God and each other.
As you leave Spring Arbor someday, leave a mark, not just a reputation…Leave having been a servant, rather than being served…Will you leave and have at least one person say you really impacted their life for Christ? Or will they say something like, “Man, you really knew how to party hard?”
Desire to be a man or woman of character and integrity. Work hard for it. Be intentional. And refuse to be complacent. To quote one of my favorite verses from Ephesians: “Wake up O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”

Friday, May 06, 2011

The Same Mistake...

"But if this love changes everything, then with this love, you know that I can't afford to make the same mistake."

:::The Wedding- "The Same Mistake":::




Just trying to put the past in the past eh?

Don't be defined by your past mistakes.

They have shaped you, sure.

But they have not defined you.

Christ has defined you.

Ask Him about you sometime.

And don't expect a heavenly, angelic voice from the sky to answer (although that is possible).

Expect Him to answer from the mouths of those around you.

So shut up and listen.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Wolves, Sheep, and The Lamb...

Night like the cunning wolf comes to swallow your soul
And in his vacant heart lies a hate that’s so cold
The fallen lives are covered beneath the dark abyss
But the sheep’s wool is pure because the shepherd’s selflessness

He guards the weak and in need
Through his light all the wayward will see
With his staff he protects and makes free
So surrender a life incomplete

Now with a heart of grace
Speaking words of hope,
We’ll show the lost your faith
We’ll take the road less traveled-
The shepherd’s marked his way
We’ll take the road less traveled-
The shepherd’s marked his way

So trace these lines and he’ll guide you home
The lamb will finish this race for your soul
The lamb will finish this race for your soul

So hold fast to this
And know that victory
Is just a step away
Lay down your burdens
And let his promise heal within
To make you feel alive

Now you’re finding out, the voice inside you
The one that keeps on holding you back
It guides you wayward and takes you far from
It takes you far from this beaten path

I can see you’re just a wolf in sheep’s clothing
Because your tempting ways give you away
But I’m alive because the grace that dwells within me
A hope that carries me along everyday

EVERYDAY

So let Your grace and mercy fall like rain
The wolves may scar and hunt you down
But the Truth will still come out
Follow close and open up your heart to hear
His words will hold you close and chase away your fear

Death where is your sting?
Death where is your sting?
I tell you the mystery
Graves are but mere tombs
Graves are but mere tombs
Tombs that last three days

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Furious Love of God...

This post is brought on by The Furious Longing of God by: Brennan Manning...

First of all, what does the furious longing of God mean to me? What does it mean to be longed after and loved by God in a furious way?

I have little idea.

Maybe I should have a better idea?

With some years of high school and college ministry and four years studying ministry at a Christian university "under my belt", maybe I should know more...Maybe my confidence should be a little higher...Maybe my doubt a little less...

But maybe not.

If I am honest, I have trouble knowing what it means to love God and be loved by Him...

Thankfully, my opinion and personal experience does not change the Truth that exists...The Truth that God seeks us with a furious longing so full of aching passion that it would literally crumble us if we were to experience it at capacity...God desires to be in this union with us, and the apostle Paul expressed this in Galatians when he says, "It is no longer I who lives, but Christ lives in me." (2:20)

"Jesus came not only for those who skip morning meditations, but also for real sinners, thieves, adulterers, and terrorists, for those caught up in sqaulid choices and failed dreams." (Manning 32)

"I have come to call not the self-righteous, but sinners." Matthew 9:13

For the longest time I put pressure on myself...If I missed daily quiet times or didn't feel as if my worship was authentic I beat myself up, adding to the guilt and fear already residing inside my head...Obviously those feelings are not of God...

My view of God was, and still is limited...I put his love in a box that was not fit to hold even the dirty laundry I take home to wash for free...I lived by the definition I made for something I was not created to define in the first place...

If I really think about it though, if I were to have power over God's love, then I should refuse to worship him, for he would be conditional and weak...

He is not though...He is the Great I Am, the Beginning and the End, and the greatest lover to ever exist...

I let my sin(s) be an excuse to run and just throw a few words at God every now and then, while pushing full steam ahead on a path I fashioned for myself out of less than gold...

But,

"Those of us scarred by sin are called to closeness with Him around the banquet table. The kingdom of God is not a subdivision for the self-righteous or for those who lay claim to private visions of doubtful authenticity and boast they possess the state secret of their salvation.....The men and women who are truly filled with light are those who have gazed deeply into the darkness of their own imperfect existence." (Manning 32)

"I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
Ephesians 3:17-19

The love of Christ is beyond knowledge. Let go of your tiny, weak, circumcised, traditionalist, legalistic, human perception of God and open yourself to a God in Jesus Christ, the most loving man to walk this green earth...

While it is good and Godly to pursue a thoughtful life as a man/woman of God, take the pressure off yourself, please...Just shut up and shut off and sit for a second...

Let God love you where you are at.

Not where you think you should be.

Accept that it is real, no matter what you have or haven't done.

If you don't understand it, then consider yourself normal, and don't be discouraged...Ask for God to reveal his love to you...

Chances are that he has already been anyways, you have just been missing it...

Don't fret though, for He is continuing to pursue you with the most furious love.

And He will never stop.

Ever.




----------------------------------
The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.

When years of time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men, who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.


O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Quote...

"If you knew the depths from which you had come, and the heights to which you have been raised, you would never stop singing."




You have been lifted from the miry clay.

You are not defined by your sin.

You are never too far gone.

When you accept that, don't be afraid to scream in joy.


Monday, December 27, 2010

Oak From Ash...

I literally am sitting here thinking about my life...Where I have come from and where I am now...I suppose self-reflection isn't the worst eh? :)

But jeez, to see the journey I call my life is both fulfilling and yet slightly painful; to see where I was an idiot, or immature, or missed opportunity, but still with God making all things work out for good no matter what...

I write quotes in the back of my Bible and as I looked through them this week I could remember almost every moment and where I was when I wrote them down...Some are from youth group in high school, some from service at church, some from reading a book, some from friends, and a few from sitting in silence with God and thoughts popping in my head...The impact these things have on me today is immense...I cannot discredit these statements and times in my life which have impacted me so...

I've also been looking back through my journal, which is also both an awesome and painful experience...Seeing how I have grown from the beginning of my journey with God when I was fifteen and now as a twenty-two year old about to graduate college in the spring, is humbling...I enjoyed seeing how early in my faith I truly had the faith of a child, with few complications and just a simple desire to seek God out, minus the frills, fluff, preaching, exegetical papers, and arguments from all sides on Truth...Not that those things are bad, but they are just things to have to weigh in with my faith that I didn't have to bother with at first...

Continuing to look back though, I am watching a boy become a man...Sure legally I am an adult, but I'm not so sure that legal right of passage has the depth of impact on teenagers today that we all hope it would...And of course, I am not saying I am much more mature than the next guy, especially my age (I'm in college for heaven's sake), but to able to see growth in my life in this way is huge for me...Weighing my "manliness" against the Scriptures and not the world was something I needed to learn how to do...

Growing up I didn't feel like I fit in most places, and frankly I was awkward as heck...I didn't have any friends really, save for my hockey team, but we only hung out during hockey things mostly...I entered a new high school after transferring from private to public and the awkwardness amplified...But, God decided that was the time to throw some friends into my life who would show me Him (God uses people to do His work and accomplish His will)...Once I found Him, I decided I was now to show Him to the world, with the passions He placed inside me, and I am still finding out what those truly are today; refining my view of them and growing in them...Frankly, even five years ago I would not have guessed the passions I have now were to be...

Who you are now is not who you were three years ago, and who you are now is not who you will be three years from now...We are constantly changing and molding, either to whom God wants us to be more of, or to whom the world wants us to be...There is no middle ground...

So as I sit down and listen to music that brings up memories of everything from high school friends to distinct moments with God, and look at my writings that bring up the same, I find joy, happiness, and passion...The story that is me is one I would not change at all...I may regret past mistakes, however, I would not know Grace like I do and I would not be who I am now without those very mistakes...And just the same, I am thankful for every positive experience that has shaped me...I think I would call this being ok with who I am...I know there will be days when I feel as if I don't like me at all, but when I brush the thick lies away from my face and scream back at the voices telling me I have no purpose, I find peace in God, and God alone...

No one else.
Nothing else.
Do you get that?

My life story was and is written by God.

This does not mean I must walk a thin line mapped out by Him or I fail...It means He simply wants me...Letting me follow Him with those passions he has given me, beginning with Jesus Christ giving me and you The Greatest Commandment:
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Love God.

Love People.

Ok.

Quit complicating it and trying to argue it away. You are ruining your life and others around you when you do.

Also, actually take some time, sit down, and check out your life story...See where you have come from and take a peek at how God has been apart of it, whether is was perfect or painful...


:Sinko:




SOME QUOTES FROM THE BACK OF MY BIBLE:

"If your conversion experience hasn't changed your life, then has it changed your eternal destiny?"

"Spiritual breakthrough cannot happen until we stop worshiping the God we want and start worshiping the God He really is."

"Even a dead fish can go with the stream."

"Growth requires change."

"Satan fears only the weakest saint on his knees."

"Sin will always sabatoge prayer. Prayer will always sabatoge sin."

"God is attracted to weakness."

"Sin is anything that deadens your love for God."

"What is it you're doing that without God it would absolutely fail?"

"THERE WILL BE NO COWARDS IN HEAVEN."


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Psalm of A Bare-Naked Man...

First song I wrote in a long while...Cheesy sounding? Maybe...But I gave a shot at writing my own psalm...




PSALM OF A BARE-NAKED MAN

O Lord, as I look to the skies I can sense you here with me
I could not count the times I've allowed these fields to show your grace
Your stars tell tales of how you'll never fail; the night pours forth your praise
The heavens shout out, the angels scream out, "Holy is our God"

But forgive me God, for I reach out, I reach for what I hate
Wash me clean, have mercy on me, according to your great love

Create in me a purified heart; renew yourself in me
Cast me not away from this place you call your home
The depth of my being needs to come forth, so open up my soul
Wake me from my sleep and I will rise from this grave

Hallelujah to the King of Kings, the Lion inside my heart
Hallelujah to the King of Kings, the Lion inside my heart

Let this be a sweet, sweet sound


Monday, November 15, 2010

Bare-Naked Living...

Ever had an accountability partner? Or someone you told "everything" to?

I have had several, all close friends of mine and people who are still in my life today.

It's funny, accountability works very well, except when it becomes a social event...When all you do is get together and talk about the surface stuff of life...

Within my accountability partners, I have had these moments...Times where I say what they want to hear...Times when I basically leave out what really needs to be talked about...

For the longest time I almost didn't even realize I was doing it...Putting up barriers and walls so it become instinctual to block someone out...

Then one day a friend of mine grabbed a hold of me and but right through those walls and barriers...He called me out on them...Told me to stop coloring my wording and get right to the root of it...He reached in a grabbed my heart and twisted, whether I wanted him to or not; and that was the point...

Here I was thinking I was a pretty blunt guy, and I am, except for that last little part of me I wasn't letting anyone see...Things I had hidden and justified away...

I won't forget that day. Ever.

But I still have to check myself when I talk to others, or myself, about who I really am...Even when I journaled, I found myself writing in such a way to look better...Now when I journal I even have to check what I wrote and make sure I am honest with where I really am at, not where I think I want to be in that moment...And who reads my journal? No one but me...But if I am not honest with myself, then how can I be honest with another human, or even God?

The most hilarious part of life is when we try to present ourselves to God in a manner other than which is true in that moment...As if we will trick Him into thinking we are somewhere and someone we are not...I still try to do it sometimes though; I still try to tell God I am living for Him and doing things for Him when I really, truly, am not.

I would now like to tell you that I have found freedom in honesty...

When I stopped justifying my life for my close friends when they asked, and started conversations on walks with God on a cold, dark, starry night where I would just tell Him how I really felt, where I really was in my life and relationship with Him, even if it was absolute garbage, I felt more alive...

Of course I am more naked and vulnerable...But that's the point...

The more I am this way with my close friends, the more they are the same in return; hence our friendship progresses to a deeper level...The same applies with God...The more I am honest with Him, the more I can let Him in my life and let Him do work on and in me...And the more I feel like a child talking to someone he loves...

In short, I could not express to you how honest you must be in your life...I will not say you should tell the whole world your darkest secrets, because I believe those are reserved for a few of your closest friends and God...And when I say close friends, I mean people who care about your soul and love you no matter what...This is not a conditional love either...When I found these friends I hung onto them, and it was the best decision I have ever made for myself...Don't settle for a friend who doesn't give two cents about who you really are...You are better off without them...

...And be yourself.

If you don't know who you are, ask God. Ask a friend. Then see if the two answers line up.

And if you need a friend who knows you deeply (a biblical mandate), then pray for one, and get some courage and seek one out.

If you really wanted it, you would make the effort for it.

But be honest on whether you really want it or not.




"Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load. Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor."
::Galatians 6:1-6::

Sunday, October 24, 2010

We Are All Just Ragamuffins...

I have been chewing on this for a few days...

"Over the years, the growing consciousness of radical grace has wrought profound changes in my self-awareness. Justification by grace through faith means that I know myself accepted by God as I am. When my head is enlightened and my heart is pierced by this truth, I can accept myself as I am. Genuine self-acceptance is not derived from the power of positive thinking, mind-games, or pop psychology. It is an act of faith in the God of grace."

::THE RAGAMUFFIN GOSPEL::
::by: Brennan Manning::


...oh how I want to live every day of my life in this Truth...


...where do I obtain my self-acceptance?

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Pick A Title...And Then Run Away...

I have these times, more often than sometimes sadly, where I feel out of reach...I think I have done something or gone somewhere where God can't follow me...Where I think I can't get back to Him for a little while...

How familiar is this for you: You "screw up" or sin in a "big" way, and then you feel ashamed and wait a few days or until you "feel better" about it to talk to God...

Well, it's familiar for me...And something I want no part of anymore...

I've messed up bigtime in my life...In ways very few, if any, of you know...Even after I found God in high school some of my old vices stayed with me and I did not trust God to deliver me through...I relied on the flesh and thought I could handle it...

This in turn has make me think a lot about grace in my life...I don't feel as if I should be coming to God with my crap sometimes...Like I have to follow a formula or be a better whatever before I can speak...But come on, we all know that is a lie ...For He is the author of our lives and is impossible to hide anything from...Satan will make you and I feel like we have no business with God over even the smallest thing...

But check out 1 Timothy 1:15-16

This is nothing most of us have not heard before...In our heads we know that Jesus Christ died so that we may live a crazy life...But do we believe it in our hearts? Do I truly let my head and heart knowledge connect?

See, there is no way Timothy didn't know what Paul was telling him here...Timothy, while young, was a leader in the church and knew that Christ died for sinners and rose from the dead, for that is the very foundation of Christianity...Paul didn't need to tell Timothy that...But he did...Why? It has to be important then...

See, Paul admits he is the worst of sinners, and he was, so to say...He killed people who died for Jesus, a man he would end up suffering for himself...But Paul recognizes the mercy he was shown in order for Christ Jesus to be displayed...Paul recognizes that he is but a mere tool used by God in this world to do His will, and he counts it as a huge privilege...

This "trustworthy saying" is the very hinge that Paul puts his life, and finds it important enough to state to someone who already knew it...

What do you already "know" that needs to be said and/or reiterated in your life? Do you need to be called out on sin that no one knows about? Do you need to sit and hear the gospel message again in order to find your roots again? Do you need to get away from people and sit in the middle of a field or on a hill watching the sunset and stars to remember that we are NOTHING, but God still chooses us and wants us...Maybe sit there and do nothing except silently worship while you stare millions of miles away...Or maybe just sit and listen...

See, Grace is something that is hard to grab...I think I need to earn my life...It's how I was brought up...But dang it man, it's free.

My times when I "feel-bad" and don't want to talk to God because I have "screwed-up big" are nothing for God to wash over...No way does this excuse me to abuse the grace again, but my pity feelings are such a slap in the face to God, so to say, that I may as well spit at the foot of the cross he was nailed to...

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.'"
2 Corinthians 12:9


So, I am weak. It is true. I have no power in my own self to withstand temptation.

But the same power that conquered the grave now lives in me.

And you too, if you have chosen to follow Jesus Christ until the day you die here.

There is NOTHING you can do to to get away from God.

NOTHING.

WE SEEM TO THINK THAT THIS ABUNDANT GRACE CANNOT WIPE AWAY OUR DARK SIN.

I don't care what you have done, who you hurt, and if God is the one you have hurt the most...His graceful love goes beyond what your human mind can hold onto...

Sorry you and I can't understand that fully.

You won't be able to.

So don't think you can.

Just accept it...Even if you hate free things, charity, or handouts.

Swallow your pride.

It's not worth keeping anyways.




"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners- of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience and an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen."
1 Timothy 1:15-17

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Forget About His Will For Your Life...

"I just wish I knew God's will for my life."

Hear these words before?

Speak these words before?

I have.

Here's the problem: as I search the Scriptures, I can find very few people who knew their life plan ahead of time in any amount of significance...

I wonder if maybe God doesn't care as much about His will for us as much as He cares about our hearts being abandoned to His Spirit...About us being open to hearing the Spirit and acting on it, rather than sitting in one spot, waiting for an epic voice from heaven to tell us our life plan, mapped out in front of our eyes...

Let me share my dream(s) with you. I would absolutely love, I mean absolutely love if I could be in a band with some guys, touring around, spreading the news of God in music scenes that do not hear about the love of Christ very often...I have a passion for it...I have a little God-given talent in it...But does God want me to do it?

Ah.

Here enlies a problem...with all of us...

We sit paralyzed in fear that we would make a mistake and accidentally miss God's exact plan for our lives and head down that "just not quite the will of God" road forever...So we sit and do not move...

But have you thought about the next twenty minutes? And what God wants you to do in that time? See, it seems safer for us to commit to God SOMEDAY instead of TODAY.

Living for God out of fear of disappointing Him or missing the mark is way off...Yes we should fear God in reverence, but we should not fear that we will let him down with our decisions in life...We are going to anyways...We are human...Living in fear of failure is the quickest path to uselessness...

Uselessness in the sense that people create their own plan, then ask God to join them on it...As if God is their puppet and "feel-good" button...No one in Scripture who is a great person in the Bible lived a safe life that required little faith and trust in God to work in crazy situations...

See, we are never promised a certain plan of action for so many years...But we are promised to never be forsaken or left by God...

Instead of searching for the will, we need to be searching for the Spirit.

Once again, my DREAM right now, is to take music and do something crazy with it and see God move through it...To write and "perform" only to show people there is someone greater behind it all...To hold a microphone and/or guitar and jump and scream around whatever stage area exists for that night...Is this passion and dream something God instilled in me? Or did I create it out of my fleshly desire?

But at what point does God stop caring about what you are doing as long as you are doing it completely for Him?

Don't get me wrong, I believe God has things he has ordained for us, He says so in Scripture...But He never promises to reveal them all at once, in advance...

Yes, trust is hard. Yes, patience is not easy to obtain all the time.

But you show me an example where God has let someone down in an eternal way, and I will say that trusting God is not worth it...

Until then, I will continue to chew on this "will" thing...



"Jesus Christ did not die in order to follow us. He died and rose again so that we could forget everything else and follow Him to the cross, to eternal life."
-"FORGOTTEN GOD" by: Francis Chan