So, this year so far has definitely been way different than any of the past...I am basically in a full time leadership position, and it's considered a job by title...Of course I don't think of it like that, but I have never been paid to invest in lives before...It's kind of cool...Also something I have been realizing is that I have not been trusting God with my future like I thought...One of the areas revolves around girls...I have never dated as a Christian, and I really saw myself cruising through school single, which I have no problem with...My problem lies in the fact that I kept feeling this pressure by something, maybe campus, maybe the nice atmosphere, I can't quite put my finger on it...I kept feeling like I was supposed to be pursuing girls...Not saying that it is wrong to do so, but I was starting to lose my view of trusting in God for the future...I want so badly to have a God-centered relationship to the fullest that I am scared out of my mind to date...There are a few girls here on campus I would love to get to know better, because in no way do I know them well enough to think about dating them...But then I think about other areas...Am I to marry a girl from home? From high school? Someone I don't even know yet? I hate not knowing the future, yet I love the mystery...What I am realizing is that my problem lies in my lack of seeking God and nothing else...Matthew 6 tells to seek God first and all other things will fall into place...Where did I lose that mindset? So much pressure gets taken off that God did not intend me to have...I won't think the girl problem is such a big deal because God's plan is bigger than everything going on around me...I long to be in the middle of that plan, not just for the girl issue, but for everything else as well...This is weird...I haven't had the girl issue at the forefront like this for a long time...I haven't made a big deal about it before...Never was worried...Basically I want to flat out just seek God and not worry about anything else...I want my longing for God to radiate and attract anyone for anything...If I want to have a wife someday with these traits I admire, I better make dang sure I have them too...
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Why is it so hard to trust that?