So, I know I these aren't my actual words but this song's lyrics are shaping to be my life and the way I view my relationship with the Big Guy...It's a song called "Redemption" by August Burns Red...If you can handle some screaming it's a great listen...:) Basically I am sick of things not of God controlling my life...I don't want Plan B, as Rick would say...I want God's Plan A and I keep being thrown down to the ground by the devil...He knows just what buttons to push without me even knowing it...I won't even pretend to fully God's grace and I know he gives it freely...I have heard that a thousand times...I know God overpowers the devil...All these things I know and I still fail...How does God keep going to bat for us? Why does he keeping fighting for us? There is a love I will never understand...I could get married and love another human as a spouse...I can love my family...I can love a friend...I struggle with all these for sure, but I never will completely get how someone who gets backstabbed so much by people who know they are doing it can keep standing in front of bullets for them...I believe God loves me more than my brain can physically and mentally comprehend...I don't always feel it, I'm not gonna lie...Sometimes I wonder where God has gone...I suppose it's in those times God has wondered where I have gone as well...
I trust in you for life to live, and air to breath.
Purity fills my lungs.
I no longer live in solitude.
No longer bound.
My heart beats with great devotion.
This is the start to a new beginning.
On my knees praying for mercy.
Hands raised high, humble and broken.
Wanting your grace.
Wanting your security.
Memories of laying face down, motionless, with such a hollow feeling inside.
Soon I would end this life I was living.
I am just a man with a heart and sinful hands.
I am a fallen victim.
Lord, show me the way.
I ask of you Father, let my words be your words.
Let my thoughts be your thoughts.
To you, I give my praise.
Show me the way.
Take me in your arms.
Never let me go.
Lord, show me the way, as I give myself to you.
Never let me go.
Hold me with your everlasting love.
Be my strength.
Be my voice.
Be my glory.
Set me free.
:::August Burns Red- "Redemption":::