Ever had an accountability partner? Or someone you told "everything" to?
I have had several, all close friends of mine and people who are still in my life today.
It's funny, accountability works very well, except when it becomes a social event...When all you do is get together and talk about the surface stuff of life...
Within my accountability partners, I have had these moments...Times where I say what they want to hear...Times when I basically leave out what really needs to be talked about...
For the longest time I almost didn't even realize I was doing it...Putting up barriers and walls so it become instinctual to block someone out...
Then one day a friend of mine grabbed a hold of me and but right through those walls and barriers...He called me out on them...Told me to stop coloring my wording and get right to the root of it...He reached in a grabbed my heart and twisted, whether I wanted him to or not; and that was the point...
Here I was thinking I was a pretty blunt guy, and I am, except for that last little part of me I wasn't letting anyone see...Things I had hidden and justified away...
I won't forget that day. Ever.
But I still have to check myself when I talk to others, or myself, about who I really am...Even when I journaled, I found myself writing in such a way to look better...Now when I journal I even have to check what I wrote and make sure I am honest with where I really am at, not where I think I want to be in that moment...And who reads my journal? No one but me...But if I am not honest with myself, then how can I be honest with another human, or even God?
The most hilarious part of life is when we try to present ourselves to God in a manner other than which is true in that moment...As if we will trick Him into thinking we are somewhere and someone we are not...I still try to do it sometimes though; I still try to tell God I am living for Him and doing things for Him when I really, truly, am not.
I would now like to tell you that I have found freedom in honesty...
When I stopped justifying my life for my close friends when they asked, and started conversations on walks with God on a cold, dark, starry night where I would just tell Him how I really felt, where I really was in my life and relationship with Him, even if it was absolute garbage, I felt more alive...
Of course I am more naked and vulnerable...But that's the point...
The more I am this way with my close friends, the more they are the same in return; hence our friendship progresses to a deeper level...The same applies with God...The more I am honest with Him, the more I can let Him in my life and let Him do work on and in me...And the more I feel like a child talking to someone he loves...
In short, I could not express to you how honest you must be in your life...I will not say you should tell the whole world your darkest secrets, because I believe those are reserved for a few of your closest friends and God...And when I say close friends, I mean people who care about your soul and love you no matter what...This is not a conditional love either...When I found these friends I hung onto them, and it was the best decision I have ever made for myself...Don't settle for a friend who doesn't give two cents about who you really are...You are better off without them...
...And be yourself.
If you don't know who you are, ask God. Ask a friend. Then see if the two answers line up.
And if you need a friend who knows you deeply (a biblical mandate), then pray for one, and get some courage and seek one out.
If you really wanted it, you would make the effort for it.
But be honest on whether you really want it or not.
"Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load. Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor."
::Galatians 6:1-6::