Forget About His Will For Your Life...

"I just wish I knew God's will for my life."

Hear these words before?

Speak these words before?

I have.

Here's the problem: as I search the Scriptures, I can find very few people who knew their life plan ahead of time in any amount of significance...

I wonder if maybe God doesn't care as much about His will for us as much as He cares about our hearts being abandoned to His Spirit...About us being open to hearing the Spirit and acting on it, rather than sitting in one spot, waiting for an epic voice from heaven to tell us our life plan, mapped out in front of our eyes...

Let me share my dream(s) with you. I would absolutely love, I mean absolutely love if I could be in a band with some guys, touring around, spreading the news of God in music scenes that do not hear about the love of Christ very often...I have a passion for it...I have a little God-given talent in it...But does God want me to do it?

Ah.

Here enlies a problem...with all of us...

We sit paralyzed in fear that we would make a mistake and accidentally miss God's exact plan for our lives and head down that "just not quite the will of God" road forever...So we sit and do not move...

But have you thought about the next twenty minutes? And what God wants you to do in that time? See, it seems safer for us to commit to God SOMEDAY instead of TODAY.

Living for God out of fear of disappointing Him or missing the mark is way off...Yes we should fear God in reverence, but we should not fear that we will let him down with our decisions in life...We are going to anyways...We are human...Living in fear of failure is the quickest path to uselessness...

Uselessness in the sense that people create their own plan, then ask God to join them on it...As if God is their puppet and "feel-good" button...No one in Scripture who is a great person in the Bible lived a safe life that required little faith and trust in God to work in crazy situations...

See, we are never promised a certain plan of action for so many years...But we are promised to never be forsaken or left by God...

Instead of searching for the will, we need to be searching for the Spirit.

Once again, my DREAM right now, is to take music and do something crazy with it and see God move through it...To write and "perform" only to show people there is someone greater behind it all...To hold a microphone and/or guitar and jump and scream around whatever stage area exists for that night...Is this passion and dream something God instilled in me? Or did I create it out of my fleshly desire?

But at what point does God stop caring about what you are doing as long as you are doing it completely for Him?

Don't get me wrong, I believe God has things he has ordained for us, He says so in Scripture...But He never promises to reveal them all at once, in advance...

Yes, trust is hard. Yes, patience is not easy to obtain all the time.

But you show me an example where God has let someone down in an eternal way, and I will say that trusting God is not worth it...

Until then, I will continue to chew on this "will" thing...



"Jesus Christ did not die in order to follow us. He died and rose again so that we could forget everything else and follow Him to the cross, to eternal life."
-"FORGOTTEN GOD" by: Francis Chan

Wake Up The Sun...

It's like screaming your head off and no one can hear...

Actually, that's exactly what it is.

I can see the potential inside of me, but I can't get it to come out all the time...And then I wrestle with wondering if my vision of me is even close to God's vision of me...Obviously I can never see the full potential of what God wants me to be, nor would I ever know one hundred percent if I was there, but man alive do I want to live for more than I am sometimes...

I can feel something inside me that can change the world for Christ...Not in a selfish way, but under the grace and mercy of God, provided he chooses to use me in whatever endeavor I partake in...And what an honor it is to be used by God, for anything, big or small...

But do you get what I am saying? I've said it before...I want so badly to do something that is destined to fail unless God intervenes...

Sadly, I am not willing to be patient enough sometimes...I am not willing to be disciplined enough...I am not willing to quiet myself and listen...I am not willing to pour into His word to find my place in this grand scheme of life...

What a wretch I am.

But He saved this wretch.

He still wants me to do His work.

He still wants me to carry Him inside me.

But more importantly, He simply wants me to love Him, and love others.

See, I get ahead of myself...I want to do the "cool" "fun" work, without doing the "harder" more "disciplined" work...I want to have my cake and eat it too...

Yes He has grace and forgives me, but that gives me no excuse to sit and do nothing, expecting to be used for great things when I am not as willing as I say I am...

However, this does not change the fact there is a passion inside of me, and maybe you, to change the world...And by world, that could mean anything from the smallest of families to the largest of countries and continents...We could live our entire lives and never see the fruits of our labor...But would it still be worth it?

Of course.

There is no question.

But now we must wake up.

We must not sit down and be idle any longer.

I cannot sit down and be idle any longer.

We must rise from the dead.

I SIMPLY WANT TO BE ALIVE.



"Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."
Ephesians 5:14

The Summer Continues...

Finally.

I feel like I am progressing and growing.

Not that I hadn't before, I think we grow everyday...I really do...But I have this problem with believing that I am moving in forward motion in my life sometimes...I tend to feel as if I am failing at something or I am failing to be someone...

I am my own worst enemy...Whether it is myself or Satan telling me that I am not good enough for what I do, I listen more than I should...

This summer though, has taught me a lot about myself, and how to lead and communicate...See, my normal means of communication are not the most effective all the time, and especially in the position of leadership I am in this summer...Different people means different personalities, and some of those personalities are different than what I normally have this close to me...

But let me say that it is not easy to adapt/change/switch/think differently...When I have those miscommunications or read a situation in a way it was not meant to be read, I get discouraged and think I am failing...Not true though...

I am a point where I have realized that all the hard times and all the times where I feel as if I am not doing well are times where I grow and learn the most, and where God gets to be involved even more...

Of course God should be involved in every second of my life...But sometimes I don't let him in, or I take charge for awhile and think I know what is best...

But my track record when I take charge of my life and end up successful turns out to be a big zero.

See, my lack of confidence in myself does NOT come from God...That would be against His nature...There is no way God wants to make me feel like an ant...I feel like that already when I look at the stars...He wants me to recognize my weakness though, and let him become the strength in that...

I know I will continue to be pushed and stretched as the summer progresses...I know I will have hard days, and days where I feel ineffective...But I know I will also have days where I feel on top of the world and like I am right where God wants me...

Either way, God is in control...

Whether you believe it or not.



"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:10

He Must Believe And Not Doubt...

My first week of my summer job is done...Six or so more weeks to go...Our first camp was a great time...We met some amazing people, lead worship for the whole camp, and hung out with a ton of kids...Once again I found myself looking around and going, "I'm getting paid to do this?" It's great :)

My last post was on how I wondered if I was going to lead well, and if I was going to lead in a Godly way and be a Godly example for everyone...Even just a week into this, I have a better perspective on it...While I still wonder if I am leading my team in the best way possible sometimes, and I still wonder if I am serving God with my whole heart, I take comfort in the fact that it's ok to not know everything before God...It would take out the entire awe of being a created being if I knew...

This past week I was asking myself how I was going to lead this team I have been placed in charge of, and it just so happens I was in James...I made in 5 verses in and God decided to show me how that was to happen...James 1: 5-8 is what is hitting me over the head this week...

I am told that if I would like to know how best to lead this team, than I am to stop stressing out about it and ask God for the wisdom to do that very thing...

Oh.

And...

I am told that if I truly desire that wisdom, when I ask I cannot do it halfheartedly...If I really don't believe what I am saying, than I am not who I say I am...I blown around by life's circumstances and I double-minded and unstable in everything I do...

Well...

I suppose that simplifies it a bit...

Give it to God. Ask him for wisdom on the situation. Believe what I say.

Well then Jake...How much do you trust God to come through when you ask for it? Enough to feel good about yourself? Or enough to feel like you have no control and God is going to have to show up?

I would love to live the latter out...



"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."
James 1:5-8

A Continuing Journey of Passionate Passions...

Tomorrow I start my summer job.

I get to lead a team around the Midwest with seven other people and lead worship at youth camps for eight weeks.

I get to help be a counselor at some of these camps.

I get paid to do it.

What a deal.


Another journey begins in my life tomorrow, and yet I feel as if I am unprepared and definitely not qualified for what I am doing...

Maybe that's why I'm doing it.


And while a new journey does begin, it also is about to merge with the main journey of my life, meeting at the complex, yet simple intersection where hundreds of other roads collide and mesh to create the walking, breathing, living human being called Me...

It has taken me many years, and many hits upside the head to realize how much my life is a product of a grace-filled plan, and I am able to see how it is filled with my passions, my loves, and my gifts...What a privilege and humbling experience to be able to serve God in the areas I love...

I am fully aware that I am passionate about my passions because I was designed to be, but nonetheless it is an amazing thing I am able to be in that weave of loves...Especially over these next eight weeks, as I will combine many of those passions: Music, Youth, Ministry, Counseling, Camping, Outdoors, People, Sports, Mentoring, Acting Stupid, Acting Crazy, Worshiping Through Music, Jumping Off Things, Flipping Off Things, Laughing, Sleeping, Yelling, Singing, Teaching, Socializing, Meeting New People, Stargazing, Serving, Dying To Self...

Get the picture? See the intersection forming?

How a kid who can't sing well, is mediocre at guitar, has self-confidence issues, and has trouble keeping his voice below one hundred decibels :)...is called to do what I am doing this summer, is flat-out amazing from my perspective...
I do not state this for desires of sympathy and/or affirmation...That is the furthest from my intent...I say state this to put, at the forefront of this, a statement which shows God having to show up or the whole thing will fail...For the last few years of my life, I have wanted to do nothing more than something that was destined to fail unless God showed up...Of course, this does not excuse me from putting my full effort into the matter, and definitely does not excuse me from using my brain to make decisions...But it also does not excuse me if I try to do it on my own...

Thank God.

If but one human life is changed this summer, then I call it a success...

And why not.

Jesus cared for nothing more than each broken, frail life he encountered while he was on earth, and every other life that has ever been, and ever will be...





"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:13
(My life verse)

Wretched? Useable? Fruitful?

For the last four years of my life, I have been a youth leader at my old youth group...I started with the teens when they were freshmen in high school, while I was only a freshmen in college, following them throughout high school...When I was a junior I took over specifically as the boys small group leader, which for me meant I could finally talk about guys stuff around them without worrying about girls hearing anything :)

That was the preface...

Tonight we had senior night, and all of them graduated from youth group...So I was able to say goodbye to them in the small group capacity in front of all their parents and some church members who attended the banquet we had...

I'm twenty-one years old...I was in charge of some spiritual development of boys who are barely four years younger than me...What a daunting task now that I look back on it...

Tonight all the seniors were able to share something about their experience with the youth group and thank people who helped them on the journey...It was really great to hear how all of them have grown and matured...

When my guys were sharing though, they singled me out...They told me that I influenced them...That I was a consistent person in their inconsistent lives...That I meant something to them...

It was as if four years of investment came to a single point in time in the cosmos and suddenly I realized that I did matter more than I thought...Now, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God doesn't need me, not at all...But tonight I saw how He used me...Not only for a single event for short time...But in many lives for a LIFETIME...

I heard their testimony for evidence, which is indisputable...Nothing can change what they or I experienced...

My thoughts are all over the place, which I apologize for...But what I want you to be able to see, is that you really do matter...

I stood there listening to people say that my life was intertwined with theirs for the rest of eternity...

That's all I need to hear...

Now, I don't presume to say that I am some amazing awesome teacher/leader/mentor...I honestly could give a laundry list of reasons of how I failed those guys...But that's not what they talked about...And that's not what God talks about...

What I do presume to say though, is that I matter in the kingdom of God on this earth...And so do you...If God can use a wretched, screw-up, idiot like me to affect a handful of teenage guys for the rest of their lives, then, my friend, you are used as well...Even when you don't think you are worth the dirt under your feet...

So wake up...And realize you are important in someone else's life/lives.

It is formally the end of my journey with these boys...

But don't think I won't visit them at college and crash in their dorm rooms, letting them know that their life is more to me than a program title at a church...





"Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them."
Matthew 7:20

We're So Far Away...

It's simple really...


We fall down.

He picks us up.









Stop complicating it.





"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Ephesians 2:4-10

My Life at Four in the Morning...

"WAKE UP O SLEEPER. RISE FROM THE DEAD."

...Those words haven't left me for two months, when I first REALLY read them...And how have I adhered to them? In my eyes, terribly...Still though, I feel like taking over the world when I read them...The problem enlies with the action to back up the emotion...

It's three-thirty in the morning...I'm in my dark dorm room...My roommate is sleeping, (or at least close to)...And I'm left wondering how I have let myself get to the point I am at...

Maybe I'm too hard on myself...Maybe I don't let God's grace cover me enough...Maybe having an earthly father who doesn't say "I LOVE YOU" has affected me in some area of my life...Maybe I see every flaw in my life and focus on it until I dislike myself...

Well shoot, that doesn't make any sense...If I focus on the problem, then it's like driving a car...If you focus on the ditch on the side of the road, your car will end up in the ditch...

Well...How many times has my car gone into the ditch?


A few weeks back my buddy Brad and I spoke at a youth weekend thing in northern Michigan...I decided to start the weekend off by telling the story of Job and how Job thought he knew what was best...

See, all this crap happened to Job that I'm not sure we could all handle...So he questions God's motives and asks where God is at...He doesn't renounce God, only questions Him...So then chapter 38 comes, where God replies to Job's questioning...In short, God calls Job out, asking...

"Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?
Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you, and you shall answer me.
Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone- while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?
Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb,
When I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness,
When I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place?"


Wow...And there is another three chapters of God replying...Calling Job out...Questioning what ground Job has to stand on to question God...

Here's what I'm getting at...

God doesn't need us.

But He wants us.

But wait...I've screwed up hardcore this month...this week...this day...My confidence is the size of a peanut...I'm not worth using for anything meaningful...I can't even call my sisters once a week to tell them that they are worth much more than this world tells them...I can't even stop my struggle with lustful thoughts...Why in this world would I be used by God?

Oh wait...because 2 Corinthians says: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. FOR WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN I AM STRONG."


Well crap...

Looks like God uses broken, defiled, small, weak people for His glory...


GOOD THING HIS GLORY IS THE GOAL.


Adieu.

Bí Thusa 'mo Shúile

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Glorious....

It's those nights...The ones where you can feel the air on your tongue...Feel it fill your nose when you breathe in...The thick night air...Then you look up and get lost...Lost in world you will never understand...Lost in a world that was created before you were even thought of by any human being...Each star seems to be there just for you...In that second, you feel a thousand different emotions and suddenly realize that there is more to life that you will never figure out, and you're ok with that...

You just want that moment.

In that moment, that brief window of time, God lives.

Don't worry about tomorrow.

You might miss what He just did.


I want to stand under the sky forever...But, I have responsibilities and obligations...I have a college degree to obtain...family to invest in...weddings to be in and help with...friends to share life with...

All of these are good things of course, but my boy-like nature just wants to stand in awe for awhile...

What is the balance between growing up and having faith like a child? I'm 21...I have no idea... I'm on my way to figuring it out more though...Everyday...

The journey is it...The people you meet along the way...The ones who attach themselves you your life as you cling to theirs...

Stop looking to the next thing.

Realize what you have in the here and now.

This very moment is sacred.

So stop and look up at night.

I don't care if you don't feel these emotions often.

It's time to start.



"Awe is a way of being in rapport with the mystery of all reality. The awe that we sense or ought to sense when standing in the presence of a human being is a moment of intuition for the likeness of God which is concealed in his or her essence. Not only persons; even inanimate things stand in a relation to the Creator. The secret of every being is the divine care and concern that are invested in it. Something sacred is at stake in every moment."
--Abraham Joshua Heschel




::::
I can feel the way you are and I want more
Like a warm summer rain or the quiet after a storm
Rain down on me your glory, Lord
Let my heart know the wonders of your ways
Cause I remember being lost and alone
But before you know, I find myself with hope
Hope to dream of endless fields
With waves of green and be taken away
I'm taken away with you

As I look up at the sky on this glorious night
I can sense you here with me
Oh, I couldn't count the times I've allowed this sky
To remind me that you are glorious
God, you are glorious
It seems every single day I'm amazed
At the way this world reveals your love
I couldn't ever find the words
To explain the ways in which you are glorious
God, you are glorious

::Ever Stays Red::
::"Glorious"::

Help! The Arm Of The Mighty

Sing with me tonight
Let's tear open the skies and leave it all behind by singing this tonight
I would never leave you for a chance, for a moment
I would never leave you for a chance, in this lifetime
So leave it all behind...leave it all behind

::Life In Your Way::

Post Number One Hundred...

My 100th post of my life on this blog...Wow...It's been awhile...Awhile since I last posted...And while since I started this shenanigan I call a blog...

Way back in 2006, my graduating year from high school, and my first year at community college, I decided to copy my good friend Jeremy, who started a blog when he went to Africa.

I had no idea what I was doing...I would just write whatever I thought was genius at the time, or copy other people's genius and call it my own...Most of this writing, then and now, took place after midnight (which is the time I say I think best) Ha...I look back now and see that some of what I wrote was really just plain dumb and not worth reading... :)

But throughout these years, I have developed something that I love to do...Something that sits in the very pages of my own journal and in the corners of my heart...My thoughts are mine, and hopefully God-inspired a lot of the time (and inspired with whatever music I listen to while I'm blogging, currently my musical choice is Sigur Rós), and I always hope to at least provoke one thought/idea/contemplation in one person's mind.

I never really knew how many people read this blog...I never wrote it for them anyways...But along the way God has brought some great people into this journey through my blog, even ones from around the world...One of the coolest being my friend Carly Dudley in Australia, whom I hope to visit someday...She started a blog called To Write Their Names In The Sand in honor of her stillborn son, Christian, and God has taken that blog and used it in more ways than I have ever seen anything else be used in my entire life...So many women and parents have been able to find support in the wake of their infant's death/stillbirth/miscarriage...Truly, this is and continues to be an insanely blessed thing...

I always wonder if I have been able to bless anyone with my words (hopefully the God-inspired ones)...Whether I have or not is not my concern though, although being used by God and being aware of it at the time is such a freakin' amazing thing to encounter...

I have thought about quitting blogging, especially on a note such as this, but then I slapped myself...I enjoy this. It helps me process what the crap goes on in my head. God gets the glory. I know at least one person in the world has been helped my at least one thing I have said. I simply love to write (sometimes I think i should have been an English major). I honestly don't care if another soul reads this (but it would be cool :)

Tonight I took a walk down the road and into the park by my college. To contemplate life. To talk to God. To listen. To think about how the last month of my life has been crazy and almost as life changing as when I began to follow Christ in the middle of high school. To think about how broken, feeble, and frail I am...Yet for reasons unbeknownst to be, I have been given the ability to be in a place I love and be myself, while influencing people around me...My family hopefully has seen something that is worth going after...I know that one of my sisters recently has...

All this to say, thanks if you read this...If you read it on facebook, go to my actual site and check out some of the links I have to other people's/organization's blogs and websites...These people are God-gifted with plenty to say and plenty of action to back up what is coming out of their mouths...

Adieu.

"Tell God you are ready to be offered, and God will prove Himself to be all you ever dreamed He would be."
-Oswald Chambers




"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me."
Philippians 2:14-18

Molding...

We feel the need to define ourselves in life...By what we wear, by who we know, by what title we have...Our need to feel better about ourselves seems to override the truth about ourselves...A snowball effect then occurs...Maybe we don't realize it, maybe we don't see it, but in time our life becomes more about outside forces than internal ones...Our gratification comes from seeing physically instead of seeing with our hearts...

But what happens when we no longer have those clothes, friends, or positions? What happens when what we are defined by is gone? Does a swift wind blow and knock us over? Do we have enough resolve and character backing these things up to be able to stand when we are all alone? When no one can see?

Do people truly see who we are?

When all is stripped away, and you no longer have what you thought you had...And you no longer can be who you thought you wanted to be...When you are put down a path where you had to mature and be honest about where you stood in this expanse of a universe we live in...Will you accept the opportunity to grow, even when it looks nothing like that? Will you become stronger in the ideals you stood for?

Will you be open to how God is going to mold you, even when you don't like it?





"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God."
Romans 8:18-21

"The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out."
Proverbs 10:9

Potential...

We all have it in us...To what degree I cannot fully say for everyone, even myself sometimes...I hear all the time that I have it in me, even more than I let on...I see it in other people, and I see them fall well short of it...

To define exactly what the word entails proves more difficult than we imagine...See, things that are internal, and not physical, cannot be touched...They cannot be measured with a cup or ruler...They are relative, and in the eye of the beholder...The things that the human being is capable of when these elements are maximized is amazing...

The potential to do something is quite extraordinary...First we start with nothing, a problem...Then there comes along a solution...And it is up to the owner of that solution to contribute themselves to solving the problem or not...Now, how much they want to contribute is up to them, and how they want to go about it is also up to them...Free will seems to be the main theme, or at least it appears to be...

See, sometimes I think we don't give potential a chance...We aim low...We aim shallow...We aim blindly...There is so much inside of us that we don't even know is there...I would argue that we can get help to fully bring that potential out...We were created, and that Creator knows exactly how much potential we have in us...He knows more about ourselves than we know ourselves...He knows what we love, what we dislike...He knows what flavor ice cream we enjoy and He knows what movies we like...He knows what we really want, deep down in our heart, and He wants to help shape those desires around His image and His will...

Do you ever have these flashes where you can see yourself doing something that you have wanted to do your whole life? Or you imagined yourself becoming this person you dream of, this person who could change the world, or at least change a life...You imagine yourself as this person who is a rock, someone people come to because you turn them to Hope, to a Solution...Or maybe you see yourself just being plain satisfied with how you turned out someday...

Is there ever an end to the work? Can the "dream person" really happen?

I don't think there is an end...I don't think there is this definitive point where we can stop and be done with working on ourselves...This "dream person" we see ourselves as someday, it is attainable...Sometimes I think the flashes are God letting me know that we still have work to do together, and that He is more than delighted in digging in deep, rolling up the sleeves and going at it...

This doesn't mean who we are now is bad, or less than the attainable...It just means we are on a different stepping stone in life...

I have begun to learn that we have to start picking our eyes up from looking down at our feet to make sure we don't slip off our stone...We have to pick our heads up and trust that God will guide our foot to the next step...This is not to say that we go blind all the time, that we don't take responsibility for our feet...Instead we grab Help's hand as It holds us up as we pursue the Truth of our desires and loves...

We are worth so much more than what we think.






"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:13



"O LORD, you have searched me and you know me
You know when I sit and when I rise.
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down,
You are familiar with all my ways
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before.
You have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
Too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there.
If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
If I settle on the far side of the sea,
Even there your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me',
Even the darkness will not be dark to you.
The night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being.
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place;
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
Psalm 139:1-16


"SEARCH ME, O GOD, AND KNOW MY HEART.
TEST ME AND KNOW MY ANXIOUS THOUGHTS.
SEE IF THERE IS ANY OFFENSIVE WAY IN ME.
AND LEAD MY IN THE WAY EVERLASTING."
AMEN.

Quotes on Prayer...

"Scripture is full of stories of people who brought their deep natural longings into the presence of God, and found them answered by being taken up within his purposes."
-NT Wright, The Lord and His Prayer



"We do not overcome evil by concentrating on overcoming evil. We overcome evil with good. We fight wrong desires best by replacing them with the higher desire for God. Hearts set on the kingdom and on the mission of Jesus give evil no lasting opportunity."
-Art Simon, Rediscovering the Lord's Prayer

Everything Starts Where It Ends...

There is a place and time where you grab for everything and come back with nothing...When all you hope for and all you dream of can be seen in the distance, but stays on the horizon and sets with the sun as the day becomes night...When everything you want to happen becomes but a mere vision as you realize it is not what is best for the greater mass of humanity...For who are we to determine the stones upon which we step? We can choose them sure, but we didn't put them there in the first place...

Why are the emotions and feelings we have so disconnected with reality sometimes? We love what we love for a reason, that holds true, but we also do not get along with patience...When we feel as if we will burst, we hold back and keep it to ourselves, choosing to share little if nothing of what we truly feel...We are afraid to become vulnerable...We are afraid to fail...We are afraid that our true self is not good enough...We are afraid that our true self is our true self...For who we are and what we want to be is not in vain...Sure we're human and can be misguided, but we are who we are...

But we must start with today.

If we look ahead too far, we miss the grace offered in the very breath we take every other second...No matter if we hate or love that very moment...We are not accidents...We are on purpose...

We struggle everyday to believe what we tell ourselves is truth...We struggle every day to believe in what Truth is...We have believed what a temporal source has said about eternal matters...We have believed our own worst enemy sometimes, ourselves...

We see life as a timeline, with a start and an end, with a little fluff in the middle...But maybe we should see life as a winding road...A path that never stays in a rigid, structured line...Climbing over mountains, jumping off cliffs, running in a field, sitting and starting as the very expanse above that seems to give even more freedom to the journey than could ever be conceived at the beginning...Where we get lost in our thoughts, and lost in the wonder of how we found ourselves without ever speaking a word...Without ever hearing a word...In the quiet of the nothingness we see a light...And then a few more...Soon the nothingness is alive with the breath of a Creator, and our breath in gone...We no longer feel that we are worthy to breath the very air surrounding us...

This is the place where we truly find ourselves...

This is where we no longer live for anything but what can fill us whole...

This is where we started.

This is where we live.

This is where we end.





"SOMETHING SACRED IS AT STAKE IN EVERY MOMENT."
-Abraham Heschel

Sweet, Sweet Sound...

Oh Lord
Come whisper to me in my sleep
Come pour yourself out over me
Will you draw near?
Oh Lord, you're calling me back to your heart
Restoring the innocence lost
Will you draw near?
I pray

Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound

Oh Lord
Remember your call to your own
Remember your promise to come
Will you draw near?
Come pour your life, oh this offering, all over me
Come with your grace that is cleansing and restoring me
Come with your angels, cover the earth
And hear your people sing of your worth

Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound

It's your voice I hear calling my name
It's your grace that pours out like the rain
It's your hand that erases my shame
It's your word that is everlasting

We lift our voice to you
A sweet, sweet sound in your ear Jesus
We raise our voice to you
With one sound, to you
We rejoice

Let it be a sweet, sweet sound.



::The Glorious Unseen::
::"Sweet, Sweet Sound"::

Patience...

Theme from my life lately: Patience.

Not that I have lived in it one hundred percent, but more so that I realize that this is what I am going to have to hang my hat on for awhile, probably the rest of my life...In my last post I talked about all the desires and wants I have, and how I'm not sure what to make of all of them...There are so many things I want to do and be, and even just tonight another opportunity for a great summer job came my way...It seems that I have so many options in life, but have no freakin clue what one God wants me on the most...


I'm not dumb...I know God has a plan...But I'm human...I want that plan now...I want all the things that I want to be, to happen now and/or soon...I want to tour in a band, be a youth pastor, be a camp director, be homeless, did I mention be in a band?

I feel like when you read this it seems to have the maturity level of a middle schooler...Maybe I'm right...It's not that I am approaching my dreams with a sense of the carefree...I realize that my plan is not God's...

And I'm having a heck of a time realizing that school is where I'm supposed to be, in the realm of academics...I love my classes...All of them...I just hate homework (who doesn't) I enjoy digging deeper into the meaning of prayer and the Bible...I enjoy learning about church history...But for some reason I just can't make myself sit down and do all the work the professors want done...I keep thinking of what I want to do when I get out of college and I forget that I am called to be in the very seat I am sitting in right now...

Patience.

Waiting on God.

Prayer.

All I have left.





We raise our voice to you
With one sound to you
We rejoice
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound.

::The Glorious Unseen::
::"Sweet, Sweet Sound"::



A little taste of what I get to do every Monday and Wednesday morning:

Sustain...

Man, sometimes you just have those days...You ever have those days where you just feel emotional is every way you possibly can? About everything...School, future, girls, and everything that falls under it...For some reason I've been sitting there for a few days...This past Friday the band The Glorious Unseen came to my school (Spring Arbor University) for a worship night...It was soo great...These guys are legit and have their hearts in the right place...They sound what I have dreamed about my ideal worship sounding like for the last six years...To top it off they are super chill and were cool before and after the "concert"...

Since that night, I have realized just how large my desire is to tour in a band...As naive and immature as it can sound, I seriously just want to go and play music with a bunch of dudes after college...Share apart of who I am with people and have them connect in their own way with it...

I struggle with knowing if this is part of God's plan...Trusting Him is so hard sometimes...I'm sure maybe you know what I'm talking about...I know I don't the future...But I cannot deny that I have this innate desire in me for music...I know that desire is from God...I can't get away from that...And everytime I see a band live I just want it so much more...Especially after this Friday...The Glorious Unseen knows how to connect with the emotion and the little nuances behind the music...The little things that cause us to worship God in a raw, authentic way...Not that they are the only ones getting it right, It's just that they are on the top of my list...

I love music. I love playing guitar. I love people. I love sharing who I am. I love sitting with my eyes closed while listening to music, going to a place that I know cannot physically being touched...

Matthew 6:33 is a staple verse for me right now: "Seek first his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

So hard to believe one-hundred percent of the time...





If I scream Your name again
Will you reach my bloody hands?
God I'm holding on to You
For You can make me new
If I scream Your name again
Will you reach my bloody hands?
God I'm holding to Your arms
I've been holding on so long

::The Glorious Unseen::
::"Sustain"::

The Paradox of Prayer...

This Henri Nouwen quote is what one of my classes this semester has as included content...The professor believes without a shadow of a doubt that prayer is central to anything else in the Christian life...Everything else falls under prayer...I really hope to fully be in that mindset by the end of the class...Prayer is admittedly one of my weakest points as a followers of Christ...

"The paradox of prayer is that we have to learn how to pray while we can only receive it as a gift. It is exactly this paradox that clarifies why prayer is the subject of so many seemingly contrasting statements. All the great saints in history and all the spiritual directors worth their salt say that we have to learn to pray, since prayer is our first obligation as well as our highest calling. Libraries have been written about the question of how to pray. Many and men and women have tried to articulate the different forms and levels of their impressive experiences, and have encouraged their readers to follow their road. They remind us repeatedly of St. Paul's words: 'Pray constantly' (1 Thes. 5:7), and often give elaborate instructions on how to develop an intimate relationship with God. They say that we cannot truly pray by ourselves, but that it is God's spirit who prays in us. St. Paul put it very clearly, 'No one can say, "Jesus is Lord" unless he is under the influence of the Holy Spirit' (1 Cor. 12:3). We cannot force God into a relationship. God comes to us on his initiative, and no discipline, effort, or ascetic practice can make him come. All mystics stress with an impressive unanimity that prayer is 'grace,' that is, a free gift from God, to which we can only respond with gratitude."

-Henri Nouwen, Reaching Out, p.123-124