Wretched? Useable? Fruitful?

For the last four years of my life, I have been a youth leader at my old youth group...I started with the teens when they were freshmen in high school, while I was only a freshmen in college, following them throughout high school...When I was a junior I took over specifically as the boys small group leader, which for me meant I could finally talk about guys stuff around them without worrying about girls hearing anything :)

That was the preface...

Tonight we had senior night, and all of them graduated from youth group...So I was able to say goodbye to them in the small group capacity in front of all their parents and some church members who attended the banquet we had...

I'm twenty-one years old...I was in charge of some spiritual development of boys who are barely four years younger than me...What a daunting task now that I look back on it...

Tonight all the seniors were able to share something about their experience with the youth group and thank people who helped them on the journey...It was really great to hear how all of them have grown and matured...

When my guys were sharing though, they singled me out...They told me that I influenced them...That I was a consistent person in their inconsistent lives...That I meant something to them...

It was as if four years of investment came to a single point in time in the cosmos and suddenly I realized that I did matter more than I thought...Now, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God doesn't need me, not at all...But tonight I saw how He used me...Not only for a single event for short time...But in many lives for a LIFETIME...

I heard their testimony for evidence, which is indisputable...Nothing can change what they or I experienced...

My thoughts are all over the place, which I apologize for...But what I want you to be able to see, is that you really do matter...

I stood there listening to people say that my life was intertwined with theirs for the rest of eternity...

That's all I need to hear...

Now, I don't presume to say that I am some amazing awesome teacher/leader/mentor...I honestly could give a laundry list of reasons of how I failed those guys...But that's not what they talked about...And that's not what God talks about...

What I do presume to say though, is that I matter in the kingdom of God on this earth...And so do you...If God can use a wretched, screw-up, idiot like me to affect a handful of teenage guys for the rest of their lives, then, my friend, you are used as well...Even when you don't think you are worth the dirt under your feet...

So wake up...And realize you are important in someone else's life/lives.

It is formally the end of my journey with these boys...

But don't think I won't visit them at college and crash in their dorm rooms, letting them know that their life is more to me than a program title at a church...





"Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them."
Matthew 7:20