My Life at Four in the Morning...

"WAKE UP O SLEEPER. RISE FROM THE DEAD."

...Those words haven't left me for two months, when I first REALLY read them...And how have I adhered to them? In my eyes, terribly...Still though, I feel like taking over the world when I read them...The problem enlies with the action to back up the emotion...

It's three-thirty in the morning...I'm in my dark dorm room...My roommate is sleeping, (or at least close to)...And I'm left wondering how I have let myself get to the point I am at...

Maybe I'm too hard on myself...Maybe I don't let God's grace cover me enough...Maybe having an earthly father who doesn't say "I LOVE YOU" has affected me in some area of my life...Maybe I see every flaw in my life and focus on it until I dislike myself...

Well shoot, that doesn't make any sense...If I focus on the problem, then it's like driving a car...If you focus on the ditch on the side of the road, your car will end up in the ditch...

Well...How many times has my car gone into the ditch?


A few weeks back my buddy Brad and I spoke at a youth weekend thing in northern Michigan...I decided to start the weekend off by telling the story of Job and how Job thought he knew what was best...

See, all this crap happened to Job that I'm not sure we could all handle...So he questions God's motives and asks where God is at...He doesn't renounce God, only questions Him...So then chapter 38 comes, where God replies to Job's questioning...In short, God calls Job out, asking...

"Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?
Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you, and you shall answer me.
Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone- while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?
Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb,
When I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness,
When I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place?"


Wow...And there is another three chapters of God replying...Calling Job out...Questioning what ground Job has to stand on to question God...

Here's what I'm getting at...

God doesn't need us.

But He wants us.

But wait...I've screwed up hardcore this month...this week...this day...My confidence is the size of a peanut...I'm not worth using for anything meaningful...I can't even call my sisters once a week to tell them that they are worth much more than this world tells them...I can't even stop my struggle with lustful thoughts...Why in this world would I be used by God?

Oh wait...because 2 Corinthians says: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. FOR WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN I AM STRONG."


Well crap...

Looks like God uses broken, defiled, small, weak people for His glory...


GOOD THING HIS GLORY IS THE GOAL.


Adieu.

Bí Thusa 'mo Shúile

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Glorious....

It's those nights...The ones where you can feel the air on your tongue...Feel it fill your nose when you breathe in...The thick night air...Then you look up and get lost...Lost in world you will never understand...Lost in a world that was created before you were even thought of by any human being...Each star seems to be there just for you...In that second, you feel a thousand different emotions and suddenly realize that there is more to life that you will never figure out, and you're ok with that...

You just want that moment.

In that moment, that brief window of time, God lives.

Don't worry about tomorrow.

You might miss what He just did.


I want to stand under the sky forever...But, I have responsibilities and obligations...I have a college degree to obtain...family to invest in...weddings to be in and help with...friends to share life with...

All of these are good things of course, but my boy-like nature just wants to stand in awe for awhile...

What is the balance between growing up and having faith like a child? I'm 21...I have no idea... I'm on my way to figuring it out more though...Everyday...

The journey is it...The people you meet along the way...The ones who attach themselves you your life as you cling to theirs...

Stop looking to the next thing.

Realize what you have in the here and now.

This very moment is sacred.

So stop and look up at night.

I don't care if you don't feel these emotions often.

It's time to start.



"Awe is a way of being in rapport with the mystery of all reality. The awe that we sense or ought to sense when standing in the presence of a human being is a moment of intuition for the likeness of God which is concealed in his or her essence. Not only persons; even inanimate things stand in a relation to the Creator. The secret of every being is the divine care and concern that are invested in it. Something sacred is at stake in every moment."
--Abraham Joshua Heschel




::::
I can feel the way you are and I want more
Like a warm summer rain or the quiet after a storm
Rain down on me your glory, Lord
Let my heart know the wonders of your ways
Cause I remember being lost and alone
But before you know, I find myself with hope
Hope to dream of endless fields
With waves of green and be taken away
I'm taken away with you

As I look up at the sky on this glorious night
I can sense you here with me
Oh, I couldn't count the times I've allowed this sky
To remind me that you are glorious
God, you are glorious
It seems every single day I'm amazed
At the way this world reveals your love
I couldn't ever find the words
To explain the ways in which you are glorious
God, you are glorious

::Ever Stays Red::
::"Glorious"::

Help! The Arm Of The Mighty

Sing with me tonight
Let's tear open the skies and leave it all behind by singing this tonight
I would never leave you for a chance, for a moment
I would never leave you for a chance, in this lifetime
So leave it all behind...leave it all behind

::Life In Your Way::

Post Number One Hundred...

My 100th post of my life on this blog...Wow...It's been awhile...Awhile since I last posted...And while since I started this shenanigan I call a blog...

Way back in 2006, my graduating year from high school, and my first year at community college, I decided to copy my good friend Jeremy, who started a blog when he went to Africa.

I had no idea what I was doing...I would just write whatever I thought was genius at the time, or copy other people's genius and call it my own...Most of this writing, then and now, took place after midnight (which is the time I say I think best) Ha...I look back now and see that some of what I wrote was really just plain dumb and not worth reading... :)

But throughout these years, I have developed something that I love to do...Something that sits in the very pages of my own journal and in the corners of my heart...My thoughts are mine, and hopefully God-inspired a lot of the time (and inspired with whatever music I listen to while I'm blogging, currently my musical choice is Sigur Rós), and I always hope to at least provoke one thought/idea/contemplation in one person's mind.

I never really knew how many people read this blog...I never wrote it for them anyways...But along the way God has brought some great people into this journey through my blog, even ones from around the world...One of the coolest being my friend Carly Dudley in Australia, whom I hope to visit someday...She started a blog called To Write Their Names In The Sand in honor of her stillborn son, Christian, and God has taken that blog and used it in more ways than I have ever seen anything else be used in my entire life...So many women and parents have been able to find support in the wake of their infant's death/stillbirth/miscarriage...Truly, this is and continues to be an insanely blessed thing...

I always wonder if I have been able to bless anyone with my words (hopefully the God-inspired ones)...Whether I have or not is not my concern though, although being used by God and being aware of it at the time is such a freakin' amazing thing to encounter...

I have thought about quitting blogging, especially on a note such as this, but then I slapped myself...I enjoy this. It helps me process what the crap goes on in my head. God gets the glory. I know at least one person in the world has been helped my at least one thing I have said. I simply love to write (sometimes I think i should have been an English major). I honestly don't care if another soul reads this (but it would be cool :)

Tonight I took a walk down the road and into the park by my college. To contemplate life. To talk to God. To listen. To think about how the last month of my life has been crazy and almost as life changing as when I began to follow Christ in the middle of high school. To think about how broken, feeble, and frail I am...Yet for reasons unbeknownst to be, I have been given the ability to be in a place I love and be myself, while influencing people around me...My family hopefully has seen something that is worth going after...I know that one of my sisters recently has...

All this to say, thanks if you read this...If you read it on facebook, go to my actual site and check out some of the links I have to other people's/organization's blogs and websites...These people are God-gifted with plenty to say and plenty of action to back up what is coming out of their mouths...

Adieu.

"Tell God you are ready to be offered, and God will prove Himself to be all you ever dreamed He would be."
-Oswald Chambers




"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me."
Philippians 2:14-18

Molding...

We feel the need to define ourselves in life...By what we wear, by who we know, by what title we have...Our need to feel better about ourselves seems to override the truth about ourselves...A snowball effect then occurs...Maybe we don't realize it, maybe we don't see it, but in time our life becomes more about outside forces than internal ones...Our gratification comes from seeing physically instead of seeing with our hearts...

But what happens when we no longer have those clothes, friends, or positions? What happens when what we are defined by is gone? Does a swift wind blow and knock us over? Do we have enough resolve and character backing these things up to be able to stand when we are all alone? When no one can see?

Do people truly see who we are?

When all is stripped away, and you no longer have what you thought you had...And you no longer can be who you thought you wanted to be...When you are put down a path where you had to mature and be honest about where you stood in this expanse of a universe we live in...Will you accept the opportunity to grow, even when it looks nothing like that? Will you become stronger in the ideals you stood for?

Will you be open to how God is going to mold you, even when you don't like it?





"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God."
Romans 8:18-21

"The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out."
Proverbs 10:9

Potential...

We all have it in us...To what degree I cannot fully say for everyone, even myself sometimes...I hear all the time that I have it in me, even more than I let on...I see it in other people, and I see them fall well short of it...

To define exactly what the word entails proves more difficult than we imagine...See, things that are internal, and not physical, cannot be touched...They cannot be measured with a cup or ruler...They are relative, and in the eye of the beholder...The things that the human being is capable of when these elements are maximized is amazing...

The potential to do something is quite extraordinary...First we start with nothing, a problem...Then there comes along a solution...And it is up to the owner of that solution to contribute themselves to solving the problem or not...Now, how much they want to contribute is up to them, and how they want to go about it is also up to them...Free will seems to be the main theme, or at least it appears to be...

See, sometimes I think we don't give potential a chance...We aim low...We aim shallow...We aim blindly...There is so much inside of us that we don't even know is there...I would argue that we can get help to fully bring that potential out...We were created, and that Creator knows exactly how much potential we have in us...He knows more about ourselves than we know ourselves...He knows what we love, what we dislike...He knows what flavor ice cream we enjoy and He knows what movies we like...He knows what we really want, deep down in our heart, and He wants to help shape those desires around His image and His will...

Do you ever have these flashes where you can see yourself doing something that you have wanted to do your whole life? Or you imagined yourself becoming this person you dream of, this person who could change the world, or at least change a life...You imagine yourself as this person who is a rock, someone people come to because you turn them to Hope, to a Solution...Or maybe you see yourself just being plain satisfied with how you turned out someday...

Is there ever an end to the work? Can the "dream person" really happen?

I don't think there is an end...I don't think there is this definitive point where we can stop and be done with working on ourselves...This "dream person" we see ourselves as someday, it is attainable...Sometimes I think the flashes are God letting me know that we still have work to do together, and that He is more than delighted in digging in deep, rolling up the sleeves and going at it...

This doesn't mean who we are now is bad, or less than the attainable...It just means we are on a different stepping stone in life...

I have begun to learn that we have to start picking our eyes up from looking down at our feet to make sure we don't slip off our stone...We have to pick our heads up and trust that God will guide our foot to the next step...This is not to say that we go blind all the time, that we don't take responsibility for our feet...Instead we grab Help's hand as It holds us up as we pursue the Truth of our desires and loves...

We are worth so much more than what we think.






"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:13



"O LORD, you have searched me and you know me
You know when I sit and when I rise.
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down,
You are familiar with all my ways
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before.
You have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
Too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there.
If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
If I settle on the far side of the sea,
Even there your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me',
Even the darkness will not be dark to you.
The night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being.
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place;
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
Psalm 139:1-16


"SEARCH ME, O GOD, AND KNOW MY HEART.
TEST ME AND KNOW MY ANXIOUS THOUGHTS.
SEE IF THERE IS ANY OFFENSIVE WAY IN ME.
AND LEAD MY IN THE WAY EVERLASTING."
AMEN.

Quotes on Prayer...

"Scripture is full of stories of people who brought their deep natural longings into the presence of God, and found them answered by being taken up within his purposes."
-NT Wright, The Lord and His Prayer



"We do not overcome evil by concentrating on overcoming evil. We overcome evil with good. We fight wrong desires best by replacing them with the higher desire for God. Hearts set on the kingdom and on the mission of Jesus give evil no lasting opportunity."
-Art Simon, Rediscovering the Lord's Prayer

Everything Starts Where It Ends...

There is a place and time where you grab for everything and come back with nothing...When all you hope for and all you dream of can be seen in the distance, but stays on the horizon and sets with the sun as the day becomes night...When everything you want to happen becomes but a mere vision as you realize it is not what is best for the greater mass of humanity...For who are we to determine the stones upon which we step? We can choose them sure, but we didn't put them there in the first place...

Why are the emotions and feelings we have so disconnected with reality sometimes? We love what we love for a reason, that holds true, but we also do not get along with patience...When we feel as if we will burst, we hold back and keep it to ourselves, choosing to share little if nothing of what we truly feel...We are afraid to become vulnerable...We are afraid to fail...We are afraid that our true self is not good enough...We are afraid that our true self is our true self...For who we are and what we want to be is not in vain...Sure we're human and can be misguided, but we are who we are...

But we must start with today.

If we look ahead too far, we miss the grace offered in the very breath we take every other second...No matter if we hate or love that very moment...We are not accidents...We are on purpose...

We struggle everyday to believe what we tell ourselves is truth...We struggle every day to believe in what Truth is...We have believed what a temporal source has said about eternal matters...We have believed our own worst enemy sometimes, ourselves...

We see life as a timeline, with a start and an end, with a little fluff in the middle...But maybe we should see life as a winding road...A path that never stays in a rigid, structured line...Climbing over mountains, jumping off cliffs, running in a field, sitting and starting as the very expanse above that seems to give even more freedom to the journey than could ever be conceived at the beginning...Where we get lost in our thoughts, and lost in the wonder of how we found ourselves without ever speaking a word...Without ever hearing a word...In the quiet of the nothingness we see a light...And then a few more...Soon the nothingness is alive with the breath of a Creator, and our breath in gone...We no longer feel that we are worthy to breath the very air surrounding us...

This is the place where we truly find ourselves...

This is where we no longer live for anything but what can fill us whole...

This is where we started.

This is where we live.

This is where we end.





"SOMETHING SACRED IS AT STAKE IN EVERY MOMENT."
-Abraham Heschel

Sweet, Sweet Sound...

Oh Lord
Come whisper to me in my sleep
Come pour yourself out over me
Will you draw near?
Oh Lord, you're calling me back to your heart
Restoring the innocence lost
Will you draw near?
I pray

Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound

Oh Lord
Remember your call to your own
Remember your promise to come
Will you draw near?
Come pour your life, oh this offering, all over me
Come with your grace that is cleansing and restoring me
Come with your angels, cover the earth
And hear your people sing of your worth

Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound

It's your voice I hear calling my name
It's your grace that pours out like the rain
It's your hand that erases my shame
It's your word that is everlasting

We lift our voice to you
A sweet, sweet sound in your ear Jesus
We raise our voice to you
With one sound, to you
We rejoice

Let it be a sweet, sweet sound.



::The Glorious Unseen::
::"Sweet, Sweet Sound"::

Patience...

Theme from my life lately: Patience.

Not that I have lived in it one hundred percent, but more so that I realize that this is what I am going to have to hang my hat on for awhile, probably the rest of my life...In my last post I talked about all the desires and wants I have, and how I'm not sure what to make of all of them...There are so many things I want to do and be, and even just tonight another opportunity for a great summer job came my way...It seems that I have so many options in life, but have no freakin clue what one God wants me on the most...


I'm not dumb...I know God has a plan...But I'm human...I want that plan now...I want all the things that I want to be, to happen now and/or soon...I want to tour in a band, be a youth pastor, be a camp director, be homeless, did I mention be in a band?

I feel like when you read this it seems to have the maturity level of a middle schooler...Maybe I'm right...It's not that I am approaching my dreams with a sense of the carefree...I realize that my plan is not God's...

And I'm having a heck of a time realizing that school is where I'm supposed to be, in the realm of academics...I love my classes...All of them...I just hate homework (who doesn't) I enjoy digging deeper into the meaning of prayer and the Bible...I enjoy learning about church history...But for some reason I just can't make myself sit down and do all the work the professors want done...I keep thinking of what I want to do when I get out of college and I forget that I am called to be in the very seat I am sitting in right now...

Patience.

Waiting on God.

Prayer.

All I have left.





We raise our voice to you
With one sound to you
We rejoice
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound.

::The Glorious Unseen::
::"Sweet, Sweet Sound"::



A little taste of what I get to do every Monday and Wednesday morning:

Sustain...

Man, sometimes you just have those days...You ever have those days where you just feel emotional is every way you possibly can? About everything...School, future, girls, and everything that falls under it...For some reason I've been sitting there for a few days...This past Friday the band The Glorious Unseen came to my school (Spring Arbor University) for a worship night...It was soo great...These guys are legit and have their hearts in the right place...They sound what I have dreamed about my ideal worship sounding like for the last six years...To top it off they are super chill and were cool before and after the "concert"...

Since that night, I have realized just how large my desire is to tour in a band...As naive and immature as it can sound, I seriously just want to go and play music with a bunch of dudes after college...Share apart of who I am with people and have them connect in their own way with it...

I struggle with knowing if this is part of God's plan...Trusting Him is so hard sometimes...I'm sure maybe you know what I'm talking about...I know I don't the future...But I cannot deny that I have this innate desire in me for music...I know that desire is from God...I can't get away from that...And everytime I see a band live I just want it so much more...Especially after this Friday...The Glorious Unseen knows how to connect with the emotion and the little nuances behind the music...The little things that cause us to worship God in a raw, authentic way...Not that they are the only ones getting it right, It's just that they are on the top of my list...

I love music. I love playing guitar. I love people. I love sharing who I am. I love sitting with my eyes closed while listening to music, going to a place that I know cannot physically being touched...

Matthew 6:33 is a staple verse for me right now: "Seek first his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

So hard to believe one-hundred percent of the time...





If I scream Your name again
Will you reach my bloody hands?
God I'm holding on to You
For You can make me new
If I scream Your name again
Will you reach my bloody hands?
God I'm holding to Your arms
I've been holding on so long

::The Glorious Unseen::
::"Sustain"::

The Paradox of Prayer...

This Henri Nouwen quote is what one of my classes this semester has as included content...The professor believes without a shadow of a doubt that prayer is central to anything else in the Christian life...Everything else falls under prayer...I really hope to fully be in that mindset by the end of the class...Prayer is admittedly one of my weakest points as a followers of Christ...

"The paradox of prayer is that we have to learn how to pray while we can only receive it as a gift. It is exactly this paradox that clarifies why prayer is the subject of so many seemingly contrasting statements. All the great saints in history and all the spiritual directors worth their salt say that we have to learn to pray, since prayer is our first obligation as well as our highest calling. Libraries have been written about the question of how to pray. Many and men and women have tried to articulate the different forms and levels of their impressive experiences, and have encouraged their readers to follow their road. They remind us repeatedly of St. Paul's words: 'Pray constantly' (1 Thes. 5:7), and often give elaborate instructions on how to develop an intimate relationship with God. They say that we cannot truly pray by ourselves, but that it is God's spirit who prays in us. St. Paul put it very clearly, 'No one can say, "Jesus is Lord" unless he is under the influence of the Holy Spirit' (1 Cor. 12:3). We cannot force God into a relationship. God comes to us on his initiative, and no discipline, effort, or ascetic practice can make him come. All mystics stress with an impressive unanimity that prayer is 'grace,' that is, a free gift from God, to which we can only respond with gratitude."

-Henri Nouwen, Reaching Out, p.123-124

Twenty-One...

I wrote this song last night...Right before I turned twenty-one...I've come a long way in twenty one years, and a good chunk of that in the last five or so...Here is a part of my story...



"Twenty One"

From the very first day out here
I was so small, so weak and so pure
And then life left from there
I lived without my heart in yours
For myself and only me
But in that corner I met you

Thank you for the twenty people that I've met
Thank you for the twenty places that I've been
Thank you for the twenty faces that I've had

As I sit and look back now
I can see that the path I walked
Was for me and only me
I'm sorry that it took me so long
To get here
But for what it's worth
I'm glad to be me

Thank you for the twenty people that I've met
Thank you for the twenty places that I've been
Thank you for the twenty faces that I've had
Thank you for the twenty sunsets I've seen set
Thank you for the twenty stars in the sky
Thank you for the twenty footsteps that I've had

And if I left tonight
I would be ok with me
Because you are in me

Thank you for the twenty times that we've met
Thank you for the twenty things that I am
Thank you for the twenty-one years I've had

Wellspring...The End.

So the end is here...My summer job/ministry/calling/life is over...for now...

This summer brought out a lot in me...Good and bad...I grew as a musician, a friend, a brother in Christ, a speaker, and a Christ Follower...

God grabbed me by the suspenders in the middle of it all and thrust me into my calling even further when I was the youth speaker at a camp, and then threw more opportunities at me as the summer came to a close...

I met some fantastic people...Awesome men and women sold out for God, admitting their weakness as a human and strength in Christ...I was taught by some of these people how to be myself and own up to how God created me...

I broke a barrier I had in trusting God's faithfulness and my honesty in prayer...

I realized that just when I peg someone as something, they drop to their knees and raise their hands towards heaven in surrender- to the music I am playing for God...Probably one of the most humbling things I have ever experienced...

As the summer went on, I realized how much kids looked up to me to see what a Godly man looks like...I didn't take that as pressure, I took it as an opportunity to be in God's plan in their lives...God opened and shut my mouth at just the right times...

Guys, I was apart of something this summer that is no better or worse than what you did...I am simply glad that God was in the center of it and that I was able to be apart of the process...Who am I? What makes me qualified to be in the middle of God's plan in this way?

NOTHING.

That's the beauty of grace...

To go back to who I was would be a disgrace to the name of Jesus Christ...





























"To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you as an example, that you should follow in his steps."
1 Peter 2:21

πάντα ἰσχύω ἐν τῷ ἐνδυναμοῦντί με

One more week till the end...

I'm sitting in the staff lounge at Covenant Hills Camp in Michigan on one of the most comfortable couches my butt has ever touched...This week has been great...We play for the youth in the morning and we had a worship concert on Wednesday...That was so much fun and so cool to be able to play with that many people around worshiping with us...

With only one week left I'm starting to reflect on the last six or seven weeks...How much I have been blessed with and how much I was able to be apart of...I also realize I have been apart of things that I have no knowledge of...I still have never been able to help anyone receive Christ directly...But I am content in knowing that I have been a piece of the puzzle for some...Maybe in a line of fourteen I am number six or number ten...Who cares...As long as they see Jesus...

I am happy with where my mindset is with God...This summer has taught me to break down walls of doubt and walls that made me second guess my motives...I have started to just tell Satan to shut up and really believe that God can protect my heart and mind...This may be elementary and trivial, but it's something I needed to conquer...




"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."
Philippians 4:11-12

Sanctitatis...

So this week went well...I was the speaker for the youth at the camp we are at this week...

Who am I? That is what was running through my head all week...God spoke through me this week guys...It was awesome to see how the teens responded as the week went on...We didn't do any altar calls or anything like that...I would have loved to, but with the service being in the morning the kids already didn't pay attention half the time...But I tell you, I loved it...I was sitting in a coffee shop half the week for internet doing research and looking up the New Testament in the original Greek language...And I loved it...I'm a nerd...Diving in like that and preparing a week's worth or stuff was awesome...

It was great to have the free time this week to do it too...Being at a family camp gave the whole team time to rest, which was well needed...Awesome to see God's plan for our summer in that way...

But I've been fishing around in this calling as well...I know I am called to youth and maybe college age ministry, and speaking this week has helped affirm that calling and also made me realize I love to stand in front of people and bring the Truth on...With my personality, I don't like to beat around the bush, even if I may say something that someone is not the fondest of...So this week I did just that...I told it like it was, and it went over well...God shone through...

If you prayed for me this week, thanks so much...God is faithful eh?



"God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called."




The guys on the team:

A Calling Explored...

So it's been awhile...Hard to get internet often and have enough time when we do to post here...

To catch you up...My summer job is touring around in a worship band to a different camp every week...

It's been a wild and fun ride so far...I'm still in awe everyday that I am getting paid to do what I do...It really makes me look at the future and want to really make sure I don't have a desk job...I would be ok with the traveling lifestyle for sure...The last few camps have been really different but good in their own right...We were at Sky Lodge in Wisconsin a few weeks back and I loved it...We were counselors as well as playing the music and I didn't know how I would handle the little free time, but I was fine...Living with and investing in the kids' lives was so rewarding...It fits who I am and what I want to keep doing with my life...The boys in my cabin were all solid and really wanted to make a difference in the world, especially one of the kids...I got to spend some extra time at night one on one with him and talk with him...Seeing how young they are and how they want to do so much is encouraging...

Last week's camp was way smaller and had a completely different style...A lot of the kids come from broken homes and less wealthy backgrounds...Most of them thought divorce was just another part of marriage...And some of the kids in my cabin were awesome too and had a desire to be more than the average Joe...They wanted to look different than the rest of the world...

The camp this week will be way more laid back...It's a family camp and we don't have to be counselors...Free time will be higher than average...For me it will mean preparing for the next day...I am the speaker this week for the youth...Everyday I speak after we lead worship...I feel like this a step towards the calling I am living in right now...For now and for the future...I understand the gifts God has given me and I am excited to explore this one even more...I love to share God and the Bible to anyone, especially to a room full of half-attentive students...

But I ask you to pray, if you believe in it, for me...I'm pretty sick right now and have been for a few days...I just honestly want to speak God's words and truth...So whether I am in good health or not is secondary, although it would be nice to not feel weak and have a fever everyday :)

Peace and Love in Christ,

:jake




"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in an and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Phillipians 4:11-13

For Lack of a Better Title: Wellspring 2

Sooo sorry it has been so long for a post...It's been hard to get good internet and free time to be able to post...

I'm in my third week of going to camps and playing the worship with seven other people...We form a band called Wellspring...This job has been awesome...The previous two camps gave us a lot of free time because we weren't camp counselors, just the band...So we hung with kids whenever and practiced a ton...Musically our band is pretty tight, as well as friendship-wise...Everyone in the band has a similar mindset and it makes things soo much better and easier to work with...

These last three weeks have been the coolest and in some ways hard for me...I am living my dream job...But I am also struggling with staying focused all the time...I am not 100% sure where my role is on the team all the time...It's not really because everyone else fills every role I have ever had either, although that IS part of it, the main reason is my lack of identity I have gained from Christ...Not that Jesus has changed at all...I have just lost some of what has made me who I am...

In a few weeks I am the speaker at one of the camps we go to...If you read this, I need prayer...I know God is here...I just seem to be missing a gear once in awhile and can't quite put my finger on it...When I speak I want to be filled with The Spirit and say what He wants me to say...And everyday I want to do what He wants and minister to these kids in the way He wants...

Time is short and I must go, so more on this later...Thanks for reading and don't worry...I am having a great time!

Peace and Love in Christ,

:jake

WELLSPRING...

So...Here begins a journey...For the next 2 months my job is traveling around Michigan, Indiana, Ohio, and Wisconsin in a worship band...We go to a different camp every week and lead worship and help as camp counselors...Basically I am on tour with some of the coolest people ever...We have been training this whole week, working on songs and sitting in meetings about camp stuff...Our name is Wellspring...

Logistics and technical stuff aside...Oh my word what a great opportunity I have this summer...This is like a dream job for me...I love to play music...I love to worship God...I want to maybe work at and/or own a youth camp...Once again, right up my alley...

Basically it comes down to this though...I have been in a lull/rut/hole/whatever is the last bit...I have lost who I once was...

Not that I am looking back to the past trying to relive it, but more like trying to find God in THIS VERY MOMENT...

So here is where I ask for a favor...I don't care what you believe, but I would appreciate it so much if you would pray for me...Guys, I HAVE to be transformed more by Christ than I let Him...No more settling for getting by...It's time to step it up and be who God intended me to be...

I want to be myself, but a more sanctified version of myself...

Right Here. Right Now.

The journey begins.

I want to look in the mirror and see the mold I create to not be one of myself, but the reflection of Christ...






"SOMETHING SACRED IS AT STAKE AT EVERY MOMENT."
-Abraham Heschel