No Fear In Love...

So sorry it has been so long...Let's see...
Me, Abe and Jerm moved into our apartment, named The Loft, and it had been sweet...Just three dudes living together trying to figure how to best serve God and the people in the area...So excited for what is coming our way...

Reading the Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning still...It really is a book you have to go slowly through...I have been thinking about this idea of forgiveness and how and why we deserve it...Ha...Really we don't, God just chooses to be that awesome and give us grace we will never understand...Back to the book a little bit...This paragraph hit me like a baseball in the eye...

"The saved sinner is prostrate in adoration, lost in wonder and praise. He knows repentance is not what we do in order to earn forgiveness; it is what we do because we have been forgiven. It serves as an expression of gratitude rather than an effort to earn forgiveness. Thus the sequence of forgiveness and then repentance, rather than repentance and then forgiveness."

Yeah...I think I have been going about the whole thing all wrong...I have this little sequence thing of Sin-Repent-Sin-Repent, and that is not how it should work...You shouldn't go to God "feeling bad" about what you have done...I mean, you should be a little upset you sinned, but the whole feeling sorry for oneself thing is not truly being sorry...God wants you to come to Him seeking honestly for His heart and honestly wanting to dwell with Him...Lost in all that He is...We don't come to God trying to earn something...We don't have to earn anything...Jesus had nails put through his body so that we earn this thing called the grace of God that is a living, breathing thing given out of love we will never completely understand as a human...If you are saved, you have been forgiven and thus no longer have to repent feeling as if you are earning God's forgiveness....It already happened...

God is not some Buddha figure sitting up in heaven unmoving and hard as stone...God is present everywhere all the time...He is next to you now whether you want Him there or not...In legalistic religion, there is a tendency to mistrust God, others, and ultimately ourselves...Do you believe that God is love? Or have you learned to fear God? John says "In love there can be no fear for fear is driven out by perfect love. Fear has to do with punishment and anyone who is afraid is still imperfect in love." (1 John 4:18) Sometimes I think of God as a judge, punisher, and disciplinarian...That could not be more wrong...God's love is shown through Jesus...He loves US so much, that He let His son be killed so that we could be with Him forever...

So when you screw up...When you just want to hide in a corner from God...Remember that you can't hide and just go to Him, as broken and battered as you are...And truthfully and honestly want God to just take over your sin...That is what asking for forgiveness is...A confession of your heart...Besides, God knows your heart anyways, so once again, hiding won't work, and there really is no reason to hide...

There is no fear in love...

Another World...

So....It's been awhile...My bad...I guess it was just one less thing for you to read though... :)

Anyways...Yesterday, I went to another youth leader's house to have dinner...If you don't know, me and a few buds (Abe and Jerm and Bob) are helping with an inner-city youth group in Jackson...So after dinner at Jesse (the other youth leader) and with Scott (a huge Hawaiian who is another youth leader) we all decided to hop in a couple cars and go around to some of the kids' houses just to see them and say hi and whatnot. Now, I have lived in Jackson all my life and driven through it every week. I lived in the ghetto persay when I was really young on the north side, but I have never really walked around the worse parts of Jackson. I may seem like I am just a whiteboy with enough money to keep himself on a nice side of town, which I am, but dude, I don't care who you are...The lifestyle and how the people live is completely the opposite of anything you know...I live about 5 miles from one of the kid's houses, and it's like stepping onto Mars...Just a completely different world...Everything is run down and you can tell a lot of people can't take care of themselves the way they need to...Cars are rolling down the street with a huge system and 18 inch rims while people sit needy of the street corner...It's basically the most uncomfortable place I have ever been in...And I love it...I have never before seen so much need for Jesus anywhere....I know He's not a popular dude around those parts...But I can't wait to live aroudn there and just throw myself into the culture and get knocked around (maybe literally, who knows)...I know I won't fit in...But maybe that's how it's supposed to be...Maybe us guys can change a few things, even if it's only with the kids at youth group...All I know is that it's going to be one crazy ride...

Empty Words...

I have this stuff festering inside of me that just needs to come out...In short, some are not who they seemed to be anymore...Some who taught me how to be a Christian has taken their own path of off the main trail...So I wrote these lyrics I hope to put to some music (screaming preferably :)...And it more or less gives a brief overview of what the last few years of my life have been...You probably could have figured out some of that on your own, but what the heck... Have a splendid day, all of you...:)


EMPTY WORDS

From the beginning you spoke to me the truth
You told me all about how life should be lived
I listened to you, and my eyes were opened
My life became a story, a song, a worthy cause
You were with me all the time, by my side
We battled together and dreamed together
We loved together and cried together
Thank you for your time

But then
Slowly the haze filled the room
Your image started to slip away
I could not see who you were anymore
I could not remember your name
You were changing and fading and running
All the things you taught me were thrown away
I searched for them, but they were gone

I became too afraid to find them and gave up
Only to find that there may be some hope
Again, Lucifer took hold of that and ripped it away
He left me standing in the desert, with only an image and story
I reached for your hand, but you were too far gone
Will you ever come back someday?

So I fall to my knees, begging for your life
Begging the One to rescue you from the depth
Hoping you'll listen and hear His voice
Hoping you'll know who you used to be
Just promise me this one thing, just one thing
That you will be with me in the end

All I Can Hear Is The Sound Of Your Voice...

Ever have questions for God? Ever wanted to know His plan for you? Well shoot...I have...like, everyday...Especially now with college decisions and such...But I think I have figured out how to never be wrong...Just base your decision on God and what He wants...Ha...Can't go wrong...There's this song by Radial Angel called "Your Voice"...Basically it talks about falling down before God, praising Him, and just living in Him...Then all decisions we need to make are going to be easier to make because we are so in tune to God that we just live on as if that is the way it is supposed to be...Well heck, that IS the way it is supposed to be...During the last few months I went through a freaking crazy phase with choosing a college for next year...I finally felt at peace after awhile when I realized that God was going to use me anywhere...And this peace came when I "heard" a few words from God over and over...."Remain in me"...That's all...Just remain in God and all things will flow out...It almost sounds too easy or stupid to be true or work...(Southern accent) "Well shucks, I tell ya, by golly it works like a charm." Maybe my humor sucks...Oh well... :) So yeah, that's kind of what I believe...That if you are remaining in God by doing devos and such and giving Him your day, every day, realizing He is God and you are not, that all decisions will be easier and more peaceful because you know they are straight from God, with no static or a fuzzy picture...
All we hear is the sound of God's voice...All day, everyday...

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."
John 15:4

Let Love In...

From The Ragamuffin Gospel....

The story goes that a public sinner was excommunicated and forbidden entry to the church. He took his woes to God, "They won't let me in Lord, because I am a sinner."
"What are you complaining about?" said God. "They won't let Me in either."

Something Is Radically Wrong...

Well, yeah, so...Started this pretty sweet book called The Ragamuffin Gospel...Wow is all I can say...Brennan Manning (author) is a genius...Within the first 4 pages I was already questioning things about my own life and the life of Christian society...He first goes into the idea of grace, and how there are way too many Christians who believe they have to earn grace...Maybe it's just me, but doesn't this totally go against what God's grace is? Doesn't this water down something so awesome and powerful that a human cannot possibly comprehend? Isn't it us just trying to put God in our own little box of understanding? We are trying to become comfortable with who we are and what we do, so at the first sign of something outside of our viewing window we cringe and try to crumple it up into a little cell that fits in our brains...My friends, this is NOT was God's unending grace is...It is not something we are to ever mortally understand...How could we? How could we ever understand how someone loves us more than all humanity put together ever could? How could we comprehend how someone could love us NO MATTER what we do... No matter if we are saved...No matter if we have it all together...No matter if we don't know what the inside of a church looks like...No matter if we shake our fist at Him and never want anything to do with Him again...He still loves us, and wants us to be with Him in heaven at the end of the earth...So we have to stop trying to impress God with what do...With what we are involved in...With what we look like, talk like, walk like...and start inside of ourselves with out hearts...We gotta let Him have it because He will pour into it so much love that you just wannna burst...Realize that the gift of grace from God is bigger than anything your head will ever mortally be able to understand...Great paragraph here from Manning..."Our huffing and puffing to impress God, our scrambling for brownie points, our thrashing about trying to fix ourselves while hiding our pettiness and wallowing in guilt are nauseating to God and are a flat denial of the gospel of grace."

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' FOR I HAVE NOT COME TO CALL THE RIGHTEOUS, BUT SINNERS."
Matthew 9:12-13

See the Awesomeness of Your God...

It's been awhile...My bad...
Once again...God just blows my mind to pieces...Honestly, there is nothing left...Anways...I was reading the tail end of Buck-Naked Faith by Eric Sandras and he has this section about seeing God through every distraction put in front of you...he focused a lot on worship, which tends to shoot right up my alley...I've been thinking a lot about this too, and what it means to me...Basically...worship is more than just a 30 minute session at church with music and singing...Worship moves beyond our feeble, mortal selves and into a whole different realm where we meet with God and become in Him and He enters into us...God's presence should be so close to our freaking faces that when we leave our time of worship, however long that may be, we can't help but see Him everywhere...Worship and The Word must become more than just events on a Sunday morning...They need to turn into an attitude that so magnifies God that we can't help but see Jesus in EVERYTHING...
A few places in the Bible I love to read about worship....Check out Isaiah 6...It talks about the angels Isaiah sees and hears worshipping God...He hears a noise that would pretty much blow away any surround sound system you can find at Best Buy or Circuit City...Verse 4: "At the sound of their voices the doorposts and threshholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke." This wasn't a movie...Isaiah got to experience the real deal...Worship to the max...Shoot, his eardrums echoed...He felt sensations he never had before...Another place...Check out Psalms 139...Not kidding, this blows me away everytime...Too much to even put in here, so look it up... :) David just goes on about the awesomeness of God and how He knows every crevice, every fiber in out body...Even when we sin...He still wants us...Holy mother...
Even something as "little" as a sunset makes me want to stare forever at this creation...I just don't get how something so beautiful was conceived and made so that we may worship in different forms...
Please God, never let me water you down and forget how big you are...I know You don't need us, but you want us...Sin and all...Thanks for putting up with me and being with me no matter what I do...I am sinner reaching out my hand, and You take it everytime.............

I want God to blow my mind away so that all that is left is my heart...He tries...I just don't listen and see...

Crazy, Nutty, and Saved...

I've been thinking lately about the time period in which Jesus lived...I know, random... But hey, when you have ADD that tends to happen...(Attention Deficit Disorder for those who are undereducated, or go to JCC...Wait, I do...) Anyways...I was reading something about the Disciples and how radical they were to follow Jesus, and it hit me...You would have had to be almost completely off your rocker to follow this dude...I mean, come on...All he did was say, "Follow me..." or "I will make you fishers of men..." Fishers of men? If someone today heard that they would laugh in his face...Something had to have moved in these men who would later be called disciples......The stuff Jesus was preaching at the time (30-33 A.D.) was not exactly in line with most people's beliefs...Most didn't exactly think Jesus was the messiah...Jewish tradition says that the messiah will come as a great king of the people and be powerful...Not some dude in a plain robe and the son of a carpenter...So it kind of makes it that much cooler that some dudes just left everything and followed Jesus...That's kind of how I feel it is today...I mean, who gives everything they have (possession, money, their life perhaps) to someone they can't even see? Shoot, at the least the disciples could see the dang guy...(small joke)...Today, it's basically against any common sense I hear about...The world keeps telling me I need money, fame, and no problems to have the perfect life...Well I say that I will go in blind and rely on Jesus if it means I get to live forever...I just want to realize that what I am doing is completely nuts and I love every second of it...I pray that God never lets me water down His glory, grace, and mercy...I hope that you never ever let go of this crazy, awesome, out of this world thing you have inside of you...Thank you God so much for blowing my life into pieces and putting me back together how you want...

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me."
Galatians 2:20

Are There Any Left Who Haven't Kissed The Enemy?

I don't know if I can take it anymore...Every week it's someone new...Before I get into it, I first have to say that I know I screw up everyday, and that no sin is greater than any other...All I have chosen to do I guess is concentate on a few of them...Anyways, I hate alcohol, weed, and whatever euphoria they bring...I really hate to be vocal about this, but it has been bothering me for so long that I just have to let it out...There are so many people I have known that have had an impact in my life for Christ, and so many people who I have looked up to as a Christian or had as a friend...Problem is, a friken lot of these people have done or been apart of anything and eveything I have ever known to not be involved with being a follower of Christ...So many people have gone off to college and become partiers...I really don't want to sound critical, because I known I friken screw up with other things, so if you don't like what I'm saying, please stop reading...It just hurts inside to see so many people close to me get into drinking...I mean, did God not say "Do not get drunk on wine." Ephesians 5:18......"Ok" I've been told by some people..."But I just drink socially to be around people that I could maybe even share God about..."Well that's cool, if you're 21...I know people hate laws and stuff, but God did say to respect the laws of man...Hey, aren't Chrisitans supposed to be an example of Jesus in the world? I know He drank wine, but never got drunk, and they didn't have a drinking age then...But it's not the technicalities anyone should be looking for to get by...If the world thinks alcohol represents something bad, then why present that image to them if you are alive in God? Why even want to be apart of something that will not bring you closer to God? Back to the old permissive/beneficial thing...It's not beneficial at all, and even borders the permissive line at times...I probably sound like a jerk and narrow-minded Christian...But I do love everyone that I know that may party and stuff...It's not them I hate, it's what they get into...Never will I ever love anyone less for screwing around with alcohol and drugs...I mean, shoot, I sin in different ways other people may hate as much as I hate alcohol...Maybe that's why it hurts so much to see people I know get into this...Because I love them...Christ loves them too, so really in the end, my opinion doesn't even matter...


Is there nothing left now?
Nothing left to sing
Are there any left who hasn't kiss the enemy?
Is this the New Year or just another desperation?

Does justice never find you?
Do the wicked never lose?
Is there any honest song to sing besides these blues?

And nothing is okay
Till the world caves in
Till the world caves in

Switchfoot- "The Blues"

Beat Myself Down...

Ever done something (sin) and felt like complete crap after? Ever felt like you just really didn't want to talk to God because you didn't feel like He would listen? Like you weren't worthy? It sucks...Problem...all of these feelings of guilt and remorse and crap are completely the opposite of God...(Satan for those slow ones :) This dude named Lucifer loves it when we keep drifting back into sin because it honors him...The devil loves it when we run from God when we need God the most...It's when we are at our lowest that God picks us up....If you are a Bible follower, then check out Isaiah 40:29- "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." A lot of people (me a lot of the time) feel like if they screw up over and over, or miss some devotions, that they can't go to God until they feel better about themselves...I am not saying that is it ok to just miss devos or sin c0nsciously all the time, but it is wrong to think that you can't come to God with your problem all the time every time. Maybe God has this plan for you that He needs you to be ready for...There is no way that you can do that when you are too busy beating yourself up over something that happened a few days ago...If you really asked God for forgiveness and meant it, He forgave you...God is that amazing, all the time...Why then, can you not forgive yourself? It's almost like saying that God's grace is not good enough for you...It's the realization that we are not perfect and that we will screw up, while still trying to do everything we can to be like Jesus...It's this realization when The we come full circle on the power of God and how much He cares for us...

A Storm Overcome...

Y'all know the story about Jesus calming the storm? If not, check out Luke 8:22-25...Anyways, remember when the disciples woke him and yelled out "Master, Master! We're going to drown!" Now, most people would consider this a prayer...After all, that's what talking to God is...They were in trouble and went to God, and he calmed the storm...Isn't that what we do? A storm comes and we pray to God for help...Funny thing though, when the storm settles, Jesus rebuked his disciples: "Where is you faith?" He said...Where is your faith? What the heck? Then again...Jesus did say that they were going to the other side...Did they think that He was lying? If Jesus says you're gonna make it, by gol you're gonna make it...Pretty sure He knows more than any of us...The disciples forgot that God is bigger than the biggest storms...Good sermon stuff right there...So, shoot...Where is our faith supposed to be? In God's promise to get us to the destination He has determined? Had something like this story happened to someone today, it would be considered a success story...We prayed in a desperate situation, and God delivered us...Good testimony material... But hey, a thought here...What if Jesus was trying to teach the twelve see the world from a new perspective: God's kingdom...As followers of Jesus they could have bent nature's rules too...When we walk in harmony with God, there is power to overcome anything...When I actually see myself as God does, and I know God's purpose and intention, mindblowing things happen...That's really what Jesus is offering to us...A chance to see the world from His eyes...Once we experience the power of God that fills every crevice, crack, and fiber in our body, we no longer bow to any of the world's idols...We grow in love; not in a selfish way, where we say "It's all about me"...But in a biblical way, where we say "It's all about God" (Thanks Rick)...

(Help with this blog came from Buck-Naked Faith by Eric Sandras, p.115-117)

I Want...God...

I want…Is that the right approach? There’s all these things I want to do and be, but do they align with God? Am I creating my own kingdom instead of trying to expand God’s? Still a little clueless on college choices too…Speak Lord, and I’ll listen…
So I have this devo book, My Utmost for His Highest, and on the day, I wrote the paragraph above, I read this for the day’s scripture…It kind of hit home like non other…
“We have any number of visions and ideals when we are young, but sooner or later we find that we have no power to make them real…We cannot do the things we long to do, and we are apt to settle down to the visions and ideals as dead, and God has to come and say- ‘Arise from the dead’…When the inspiration of God does come, it comes with such miraculous power that we are able to arise from he dead and do the impossible thing…God does not give us overcoming life, he gives us life as we overcome…When the inspiration of God comes, and He says “Arise from the dead,” we have to get up, God does not lift us up…”
This all hit home pretty hard with me…I really have been struggling with doing things just because they are fun or enjoyable…Even ministry things…I have lost some of the heart of why I do what I do…Worship band, Freshman leader, and just plain having people look up to me…Mind-blowing actually that people will do that…As Uncle Ben said, “With great power comes great responsibility”… Not being a self-centered short kid here, but I was not modeling who I want to and should be in God…Never know who’s looking (God perhaps :) ...
I also really wonder what it is that God has in store for me…I want to change the world, and yet I really have somewhat of no clue how to…Honestly, I know I should pray and listen for God to nudge me and point my spiritual compass, it’s just so freakin hard sometimes because pretty much usually, my time does not align with His…I’m not kidding, I just want to give it all up and change this lost, broken world…Not caring about possession…Not caring about external appearances…Not caring about what I am, only who I am in Christ…This could mean being a youth pastor as God seems to be calling me to be…It could mean giving up everything I have and living on the streets or as a missionary somewhere…Heck, why not both? Ha…

I want to do something that is bound to fail unless divinely intervened…

“Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”
Ephesians 5:14

After The World...

There's this band...Disciple...there pretty good, check em out...Anyways...they have this song called "After The World"...Probably one of the best songs I have ever heard in my life...Lyrics, music, and meaning; all come together to make for one nice thought provoking session and reflection on who we are in Christ's eyes and why He did what He did...This song just kind of hit me between the eyes one day as I realized there is NOTHING, EVER that can come between the love He has for us...Things can come between our love for Him if we let them, but never the other way around...He is so huge and so amazing that everything our being consist of is wonderful in His eyes...Hence the fact that we are made in His image...But this song kind of comes back to our questioning God and the things He did, does, and will do for us...Specifically when Jesus was on the cross, which is the perspective this song was written from...Of course, the lyrics themselves can speak better, so I will let them take over...


You break the glass, try to hide your face
Recorded lines that just will not erase
And buried in your loss of innocence
You wonder if you’ll find it again

Was I there for the worst of all your pain?
And was I there when your blue skies ran away?
Was I there when the rains were flooding you off your feet?
Those were My tears falling down for you, falling down for you

(Chorus)
I’m the One that you’ve been looking for
I’m the One that you’ve been waiting for
I’ve had My eyes on you ever since you were born
I will love you after the rain falls down
I will love you after the sun goes out
I’ll have My eyes on you after the world is no more

Did I arrange the light of your first day?
Did I create the rhythm your heart makes?
Could you believe when your candle starts to fade?
I want to be the One that you believe
Could take it all away, take your heart away

(Chorus)

Isn’t My life a clear sign since I have crossed over this chasm
To fill the space between Me and you?
And I will do it all over again
Just look for Me, just wait for Me

The One you’ve been looking for
The One you’ve been waiting for
You won’t have to look anymore

Help, Oh God...

My future=Unsure...I just have to let this out that I have no idea what I am to do next year...I have applied to seven colleges to go to after this year at Jackson Community College...I even am unsure about what I want to do, even though it should seem so clear...I think I am going into Youh Ministry to be a youth pastor...I love high school kids and really love to "teach" people things about God...Countless people have even told me I would be a good youth pastor...Next problem...What college? Do I go to college? I know the answer is 99.9% yes as far as going to college, because I won't survive this world without a degree (or two), but as far as where to go I really am now not as sure as I once was...My worry is that if I go to one college, I will wonder what life could have been like at another one of them...It's like, I will regret my decision and not have fun at the college I am at...Will it even matter where I go? Does God have one place He wants me? I also am wrestling with the fact that I want to just give up everything and live for God with no attachements...I just want to have only Him and not worry about worldly things...Basically, no college...But then I think..."What if He wants me as a crazy, down-to-earth youth pastor who can reach out to the kids who seemingly can't be reached?" That would be amazing...I do realize though, that I am underestimating God and what He has in my future...I am trying to put Him in a box and say, "There is no way I could ever do that or even want to be that..." I do know though, that I have to REALLY put all trust in God for it to work out and have Him point me in whatever direction is the best....

Here we go...the ride of my life...

Under The Overpass...

So I started this book Under The Overpass the other day...I really have to put it up there in my top few books ever...This dude Mike and his friend Sam decided to be homeless for five months...Ha...I thought that it was nuts when I first heard it too...Their idea was to see if their faith in God could exist when all the comforts of an average life were taken...Sounds a little bland in typing right now, but I tell you this book is changing my perspective on Christianity...What they found out was that people virtually ignore and pretend you don't exist when you are below what they consider to be human...The worst part is, "church" people were in that category almost as much as "non-church"...The guys slept in front of a church one night assuming they would be woken by people going into it in the morning...What they woke up to though, was the sounds of voices singing worship songs...As it turns out, everyone had gone around to a side door to avoid having to confront these two homeless dudes...Not saying every church is like this, but more often than not, the ones who were supposed to be loving and caring toward the "worst" humans, the church, were not...There were some that took them in and were friendly, but too mnay times they were looked at as scum of the earth...It seems to me that there is something in this world that makes us afraid to get outside our little bubble of comfort and actually do what Jesus said to do on His terms, not ours...Jesus hung out with the prostitutes, lepers, and shunned people of His time...No I know I have to be the change I want to see in the world, which is why I am thinking about doing this sometime in the next few years, but I just had to get some of this out...There will be plenty later....

Wonder...

I am one of those people who loves to know how things work…I love taking apart things and putting them back together…Not only little machines and such, but life itself…I always seem to have to know why things happen the way they do…Problem here…I carry it over into my spiritual life, and that can create some problems…I sometimes question God’s motives as if I know better than Him…I sometimes wonder why He did something the way He did, or why He created something…
Wonder…Ha…Funny word that one is…It means that something has some mystery to it and makes you sit and dwell over why it exists…Faith is kind of like that I guess…I mean, you base your life around something that more or less can’t be physical touched or grasped…You put all trust you have into something bigger physical, mentally, and spiritually than you…That doesn’t sounds too bad eh?
That is why I do not understand some people’s approached to God (mine occasionally)… “Many have abandoned the great mysteries of faith and the passionate pursuit of love and holiness in order to pursue a more rationalistic approach to the Bible and God.” (Buck Naked Faith) It’s like people are trying to water down something because it fits into their box they call life, while so much more is going on around them that much bigger than themselves…They don’t want to think about the fact that they may not understand everything about God…They may not get why He is what He is…
I really think that a part of faith is in the mystery…A part of believing Jesus is who He said He was is knowing that there are things about it that are unattainable for a human to grasp… “Is it possible to stare in wonder or bow in awe, regardless of understanding?” I mean, come on…A dude dies on a tree with nails through his body so that we get to spend forever in a place more awesome than a million human minds could comprehend together…FOREVER…That’s a very long time by the way, and if you really think about it, your head may start hurting… :)
It’s my lack of understanding sometimes that makes me love believing in Jesus as my savior…It makes the growing and maturing process more of an adventure and less of a arithmetic manufacturing process…I enjoy not being able to wrap my head around things sometimes and getting my mind blown by God…

Who Am I?

Ok…so…lately I have been struggling to find who I am...I have been getting into this mindset where I want to be really different…Different in the sense of not being mainstream, trying to do things in a new way…This is how I was going about the whole church thing…I have been reading about all these people doing things that are considered normal “church” and have really been inspired by them…The problem is, I have been jumping on the bandwagon with limited supplies, limited support and a blind ambition, so to say…As the last post I put on goes along with, I want change in the way I do things and the way people think of Christians, as well as how Christians are portrayed in this world…Sometimes I just get sick of the way people “do” church and don’t live like Jesus would…But, I really have forgotten all the wonderful things about the church today…I have forgotten where my foundation was built…There are so many churches that are wonderful and filled with true Jesus followers…I allowed myself to get caught up in blaming and judging the church by the bad ones….
I also have fallen into the ministry trap…Wait, that sounded bad, so let me explain…I help with my old high school youth group as a freshmen adult leader and I also play in the worship band…Problem number 2 was that I was doing stuff for God kind of empty-heartedly…At the beginning my heart was in it very strong, then I started losing that and just did these things because they are “good” things to do…Then I read this chapter in a book called Buck Naked Faith by Eric Sandras and it hit me…I was no longer letting the spirituality of the things take over…Here’s an excerpt from it…

“Are you so consumed with trying to do something for God that you aren’t allowing room to just be God’s? You can take the most mundane and even despised task and turn it into a glorifying kingdom experience. This perspective opens the heavens so that God’s life-giving reign can satiate your emotional dryness. It’s a perspective of humility and surrender. If you find yourself at such a place, treasure this time.”

See, I was doing these things because they were really fun things to do…They were easy for me to glorify God through…I didn’t have to work hard…Things like school and my family, which are harder for me to glorify God in, I shoved aside and didn’t fuse all parts of my life into one, into The One…No more…Now it’s time to kick myself in the rear and get to work for God… I am still going to do the church ministry things I do…just now they will be a piece of the puzzle to who I am in God…All pieces must be put together to see the whole picture…

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus: Who, being in the very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant…"
Philippians 2:5-7

Who is a true Christian?

I was visiting one of my favorite bands sites, Underoath, the other day, and I ran across a blog entry by one of my idols, their guitarist Timmy McTague...I really have never heard anyone say something that is so close to how I feel and how I think...This entry pretty much hits dead on in my "beliefs" and outlook...Here ya go:


Nov 24, 2006 - Who is a true Christian? - Timmy

It seems no matter what is said, or done on this website I see and hear of people wondering/speculating/ judging who is a christian and who isn't. I honestly don't even want to give this subject anymore of a spotlight but i feel like a lot of you are wondering who Underoath is, and who I am , and who we are as people and Christians, and how that applies to our lives. I feel a true Christian is someone who loves other people before themselves and loves God with everything. My goal in life isn't to go through life never drinking a beer, or not saying certain words...it's loving people and learning how to be a positive influence in people's lives. If you're looking at us to fit the squeaky clean mold that the Christian right has set before us as the status quo, I think it's time for you to sign off of this website for good. We are real dudes with real problems. If you want perfect people then you are always going to be disappointed..if you want to feel like you're a perfect person and are surrounded by perfect people, then go into %90 of the churches that exist in our country where sexual addiction doesn't exist, or drug use doesn't exist, or drinking doesn't exist....I have news for you....the only time that stuff doesn't exist is for 45 minutes on Sunday morning. NOBODY is perfect, and no one ever will be...if you think someone is your being lied to or you're lying to yourself. There's nothing wrong with someone drinking, or listening to whatever they want, or wearing whatever they want. I'd rather have a few beers with my friends and get real with them on issues and struggles rather than fake perfection and never really get anywhere with anyone. I care about poverty, the environment, homeless people, my friends lives, my girlfriend's heart and life, my family, social injustices.....so on and so forth. I am not concerned about who drank what, and who smokes, or who said ass the other night. We are not twelve years old...it's time to stop acting like we are. Look past the five steps of being a good Christian that your youth leader told you and start getting real. There's people that are killing themselves right now because nobody talks about problems. People feel like they are alone in struggles because nobody is willing to admit their own flaws. Everyone gets trapped in this social prison and in turn are pushed further and further down until they are helpless. I drink with my friends, I mess up with my girlfriend, my mouth isn't the cleanest thing in the world, homosexual people don't offend me, I don't agree with George Bush and the war we are in....and the list goes on. I feel like this journal entry is so elementary, but i feel like this issue needs to be dealt with. Until we're ok with not being ok, we're never going to get anywhere. I'm as messed up as anyone that is reading this, if not more. The only thing I know is that anything of any real value or worth in my life is not of my own accord but Christ in me. Jesus ate 'unclean' meet, drank wine with his friends, hung out with people that didn't fit the contemporary christian molds of old, and he got heat for it..but it was the right thing to do..the real thing to do. There was only one true Christian and that was Jesus. He cared about the homeless, the widow, and the orphans more than fitting into the Christian box..so that's what i will do. I'm sure there will be post after post of outraged 'christians' who are burning their UO cd's and furious because this isn't what they wanted to hear. I have a hard time loving those people, but I'm trying. Usually when I see those posts I laugh and joke with my friends about how stupid people can be, and for that I'm sorry, but this time I wanted to be transparent in hopes that some clarity and headway could be made on these topics. If not I guess there will be an extreme surge of Underoath cd's in the local record shop's used bin...so if you don't have a lot of money and want any of our records then wait about a week after this is posted and hit up the cd shops...you're bound to find what you're looking for. I love you all...and I almost forgot...Happy Thanksgiving!!! By the way...Aaron is going to be doing an Almost tour in January and all of you guys should go out and see him...check his site for more details!!!! I love you all...even you.

SOURCE: underoath777.com

All Over The Place...

Well…Gotta say I am a little not confused, but asking some questions…Had conversation at work with a guy who is not a Christian, but is very spiritual and believes wholeheartedly in God, I’m not sure which God though, Christian, Allah, or his own…Anyways, he went through some crap and messed himself up a bit and swears God turned him around…As he said, God “hit with a 2 x 4 in the head in a loving way”…I found that funny…I believe him though…I really believe God smoked him right in the head with a board and straightened him out…
Another issue…this guy has a huge problem with religions and hates the three main ones the most…He thinks Christians are a bunch of hypocritical, clicky, narrow-minded people…He thinks the Muslims are a bunch of radical nutballs…“Who is anyone to say what way is right and wrong?” he asked me…”Who are we to say what the right way to live is?” He told me that is you are striving to be the best person you can be and are a good member of this world (not society because he hates society for personal reasons…I do too frankly…) then you will be judged accordingly…Interestingly enough he thinks Jesus was a wonderful man, but he just hates the people Jesus hangs around with…Needless to say it was a good conversation…We agreed on the fact that Christians suck and that judging someone seems to be a way of life now in the world…But it just left me thinking, is Christianity the way? Now, I am not abandoning my faith, for in James, I think, it said that the testing of our faith develops perseverance…But what if?
Interestingly enough, this guy is gay…Would have mattered is he were straight though?

A Fall to Grace...

First off…if you can…read the article “A Fall to Grace” by Ed Young in the latest issue of RELEVANT Magazine…This entry is inspired a little by that article…

Once again I am brought back to the beauty of grace…Lately I have been putting God in a box again…A very small one…For some reason I thought that this thing God has called grace is an exhaustible source…Ha…are you kidding? It’s pretty much the opposite…God has an bottomless source of grace, one of the hardest things for the human mind to comprehend and fathom…I have been “screwing up” so much lately and not doing my “normal God stuff” that I my mind has wandered to an almost inescapable place of self-righteousness and self-pity…I have tried to fix my so called “bad-feeling” my own way…Pretending I prayed, pretending I did the Christian thing, and actually succeeding in tricking myself into thinking I was doing fine…I am reminded of how my friend Jeremy Slager used to tell me about when he argued with himself and lost…I used to think that was rubbish until recently (try it sometime, it’s an interesting experience :)…
Probably at the root of all these feelings are thoughts that limit God to nothing short of a horoscope...Specifically his grace…I put my sin and the grace of God on an equal plane, and this is completely unjustified…”But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many!” Romans 6:15…
To think that you have sinned so badly and so many times that God wants nothing to do with you and will never forgive or enter your heart again is to spit on the foot of the cross Jesus himself was crucified on…If you think you have screwed up, not matter how big or small, and then you enter into a wallow of darkness and a state of feeling sorry for yourself, and then think that God doesn’t love you let alone like you, your understanding of God is wrong and misguided…The beauty of grace is that it overcomes ANY sin to complete yourself as a child of God and fills in the hole in your heart where nothing else can…God wants to be a part of your life so badly that he endured the pain of watching his son beaten, tortured, and have nails driven through his wrists amid blood that was shed for every human to ever live…Try to put that one in a box somewhere…

Just let go and let the One who knows you better than yourself take over…completely…

“But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Christ our Lord.”
Romans 6:20-21